HER GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT

Chapter 4: Something to believe in

THE NIGHT OWL

A man’s stomach must be full,

The debt at the shop is getting unmanageable,

The shopkeeper wants to go conjugal,

But she is loyal,

Unlike him with lip gloss all over his shirt,

He doesn’t know how bad she’s hurt,

He takes one bite and throws up,

The woman’s fault of course,

She doesn’t know how to cook,

Her mama raised a spook,

He goes to bed angry and hungry,

At least today he kept his knuckles to himself,

She mops the floor and goes to check on him,

He is sound asleep snoring loudly,

All she says is a word of prayer,

May God change her husband,

The night owl gets some rest,

What is life if not a test?

She will persevere,

No friends or family should interfere,

May be things will get better.

@Collins-son

Saturdays were busy at Dr. Reverend Tom White’s Jesus was a man ministries. Preparations for the Sunday church service were already underway and it was also his anointed day of solving marital conflicts for both married and dating couples. Friday was for weddings. He once said Friday was good for the budget. Many people who could have attended thee weddings were busy at work so the bride and groom could cut on costs. He also once, in a private meeting with his weddings committee, said how weddings were a waste of time and resources. How it was just for the pride of the bride and nothing for the groom apart from letting the whole world know that they had officially signed their death wish. That weddings were a trap by the daughters of eve. Whisperers of the snake. Whose main aim was to secure the property of the groom once they separated. The law was to blame according to him. The reverend held a mega men’s vigil to pray for men who were being harassed by their own government when the court made it law that for a married couple with children upon separation the woman retains the home and on top of that an alimony. Men from all over the country gathered and joined him in a word of prayer. The three day meeting was aired live on major radio and TV stations. And social media was blazing with mixed reactions. For some the reverend was a clout chasing bastard and others praised him for his bravery. Either way he gave them something to believe in. something to knock them off of the daily vicissitudes of life. The heated debate about men and boys being neglected by the same government that was supposed to protect them was still on. The netizens had something to nibble on as they waited for someone else to troll.

In those three days weddings were cancelled. Cases of domestic violence spiked up like never before and the debate of men being mistreated was getting out of control between feminists and male chauvinists. After the meeting had ended the reverend complained about his life being in danger. He had to stay out of the picture for some time. Which was a lie. There is no better gift in the 21st century than knowing how to manipulate information to your advantage. Information manipulation theory. The fake assassination plot was a strategy of getting sympathy from the people and avoiding media attention. A few weeks later the law was amended again. Now for working couples with children upon divorce cost sharing was mandatory. God works in mysterious ways. The reverend threw a celebration party. God had answered the prayers of his favorite creation-men. The creatures who were first to rule the land before he decided to "borrow" their rib. Tom was sure the world could have been a better place if not for women. Love and women especially in the 21st century were the main cause of problems. Most suicides resulted from love and most victims were men according to his statistics. People were stabbing each other in broad daylight. Knocking each other’s teeth out just because of love. But again the bible which also highlights the bad side of women said they were helpers and carriers of life.

The reverend even thought about writing his own Bible. Yeah it was blasphemy but at least his was going to be a mixture of Greek mythology and scientific discoveries. In one of the mythologies he had stumbled upon; the world was ruled by men. It still is because there are obviously more men than women in leadership worldwide. Everyone drank a lot and didn't do any work until a woman was brought. People had to work hard for survival when they opened the Pandora’s Box. It was within the realm of reason for the reverend to be upset. But it was just a myth with no scientific grounds. That Saturday morning he was feeling relaxed. After thinking about if for some time he remembered that women protected life itself. His role model Jesus had to go through the hands of a woman even though he was the son of God. He even went on his knees and asked God for forgiveness. Yet deep down the grudge was still sparking.

"How many remaining?" He asked squeezing her bum. The reverend had the s****l appetite of a c**k. It didn’t care about where and when.

"Just one couple reverend", Catherine said ignoring his harassment. She was arranging some files in a cabinet behind his comfy chair. She couldn’t risk losing the job because of a squeezed bum.

"What's their problem?" Tom inquired going through his phone.

"Domestic violence"

"God gracious this men need boxing classes or what?" He asked rhetorically dropping his phone.

"Should I let them in reverend?" Catherine inquired keeping her distance.

She knew the risks before taking the job as a secretary of a flamboyant city preacher. Being mean did not necessarily make her impervious to s****l harassment. On Second thought she was even willing to open up her legs for him if it meant she got to keep the job. Stories were on everyone's lips. The reverend had changed secretaries every month and Catherine was a couple of weeks away from beating the record of the longest serving secretary.

"Yes"

"Right away sir"

A few seconds after she left a young couple walked in. He didn’t recognize them. The pandemic had brought back some of his long lost sheep.

"You can both seat my children may the lord be with you", He said making the sign of a cross on his chest.

"And also be with you", they said in unison.

"So who's willing to start?" He asked adjusting his white clerical collar around his neck.

They were seated opposite the reverend keeping their distance. Silence filled the room. The lady girthed up in a blue dress, black stilettos and a matching blue purse. She kept biting her nails avoiding eye contact while the gentleman looked lost. He was dressed in a black shirt, a blue trouser with brown Italian leather shoes matching his brown belt. One could tell he was well off. With some standards and a lot of anger issues...anyone but the reverend who might have taken a shortcut in priest school. Human psychology was one of the skills he terribly lacked.

"Young man you're the head of this family you start", He finally provided a solution. A wrong one. Even in court any court in the world. From the magnificent high court to the behind-the house village courts and arbitration committees the complainant usually starts then the defendant.

The man had a reason not to start. His argument was weak and unjustified. And unlucky for him the reverend had already switched sides the moment he came in with a young pulchritudinous brown skinned woman. His s****l desires were already clouding his judgment again. The lady was a perfect type he was yearning guide into the ways of God and have a couple of last suppers with her. Pray to God on her behalf for her prosperity and job security during the tough pandemic downsizing times. Who knows may be was even going to offer her a job without caring about her level of education or whatever her profession was. The Youngman narrated how he got so angry and beat up his wife for not opening the door on his third knock. Other felonious crimes against his masculinity included bringing him cold food and the food itself. Despite having excess salt it was local greens from what he referred to as "filthy roadside stalls" run by old clinically allergic to hygiene women and yet he had left her some money to buy groceries from the market. The reverend just nodded. Acted surprised most of the time but his mind was already looking for a reason to fire Catherine and now it was booking a room at roadside resort for one night. His p***s was already celebrating in his trousers. Consumed by glee he didn't even notice the guy had already finished narrating his absurd reasons for beating up his wife. His young beautiful wife.

"That's all reverend", He said clearing his throat to capture the reverend’s attention.

"Yeah... Yeah I got all of it and your turn what’s your name my daughter?" He asked looking at her.

"My name James Rev..."

"Not you we've already heard what you got to say it’s her turn now learn to respect women my son you're in the house of God and in here Jesus is our role model", He lashed out.

The girl was weeping in low convulsive gasps. The reverend knew the trick of how women used their tears to soften the hearts of men. He was no fool having been married for almost two decades. But she didn't have to weep. She had made his heart as soft as silk the moment she walked in. Her irresistible body was one that could have softened even pharaoh’s heart and forced Solomon to dump his a thousand concubines.

"Don't cry, here have a handkerchief wipe those tears God loves you", he offered his handkerchief giving James a glare.

"Thank you reverend my name is Anita", she said sniffling on his expensive handkerchief.

"Anita you're blessed and as the humble servant of God am willing to listen to your testimony don't hold back he can't hurt you here”, the reverend said turning to look at embarrassed James. His head hung in shame.

She took her time to recollect her thoughts. Anita didn't want to meet the reverend in the first place. It was her own mother's idea. She hated her. Which mother sends her daughter to a preacher when she comes back home beaten and bruised by her husband? That was another level of living in erstwhile. The only reason she agreed to marry him was because their family paid for her college education and they were paying for her siblings. There was another reason. This one they shared with Tania that she was yet to meet. They were naive to think that love can be natured and grown from the ground just like a seed-watered and dipped in some fertilizer.