Loving Atlantis

                “I do not love her, Singe. What else am I supposed to do?”     I paused, my hand frozen in mid-air, inches away from knocking on the door that would lead to the chambers of my fiancé, inches away from the door that would have led me to the man that I was supposed to marry today. I found myself thinking that I couldn’t have heard them correctly, that it hadn’t been Dae who had spoken. But then again, there was a voice in the back of my mind that told me that I had heard Dae speak a million times before, that I would’ve recognised his voice anywhere.                     “Well, you definitely can’t leave her at the Altar. Her father will legitimately have your head—he won’t even ask any questions.”     Hearing Singe’s response to the question was all of the confirmation that I would have needed, because there was no one else that could possibly have been getting married today. We had reserved this date decades ago, mere days after I had been born. This had been the one, singular day that I had looked forward to lately, especially since it had actually been fast approaching, and I had been under the impression that Dae had actually come to want this as badly as I had wanted it.     There was so much that had been leading up to this day, so much that had been done in preparation for our reign together, as King and Queen of the entirety of Atlantis, and not just King of Southern Atlantis, and Queen of lower Atlantis. The last brick was to be laid by us, together, after we had exchanged our wedding vow. It would have been a symbol of our binding love, our commitment to our Kingdom, a show of the merging of cities.     And here he was, telling his best man that he was not in love with me—and if the rest of what I was hearing was true, then it sounded like he was quite eager to put and end to the preparations that we had put so much effort into. And oddly enough, I didn’t find myself feeling even an ounce of embarrassment towards the fact that he didn’t want to marry me. What hurt me, what hurt me more than anything else, was the fact that he was willing to make that knowledge public by leaving me at the altar.     In front of two Kingdoms full of our people…     I took a step backwards, dropping my hand back to the side of my body, balling my hands into fists in the process of doing so, feeling something that felt oddly like heartbreak take root within me. I took another step backwards, my desire, my need to get farther away from them, from the conversation that they were having, becoming greater than my will had been to see Dae for the last time before I would be forced to prepare for our so-called ‘special’ day.                   “King Kal is more bark than he will ever be able to bite. The worst that he would do is cut off all contact with Southern Atlantis for a few months, and then everything would go back to normal again. I know the way that his brain works by now.”     As much as I hated to admit it, I knew that what Dae was saying, was true. Every single word of it. My father was one of the kinder souls in Northern Atlantis—and unfortunately, his kindness had instilled itself within me too—and here Dae was, pointing out his difference as if it was some kind of fatal flaw. Was there really such a big problem with being kind? There shouldn’t be.     My father had treated Dae like his own after he had lost his parents, and this was the way that he was repaying him—by treating him like the filth beneath his feet, as if he was nothing.     The corners of my mouth were just pulling farther and farther down, the more time that I spent standing out here, was just another dagger forcing its way into my heart, another wave of hurt washing over me. Which was why I asked myself why I wasn’t leaving, scolded myself for not doing so sooner. But it was almost as if there was some supernatural force that was keeping me here, that was gluing my legs to the ground, that was keeping me from going anywhere.     And I knew that it was because deep down, I knew that this conversation was far from done—and this hadn’t been the beginning of it either. I must have walked in somewhere in the middle, a point just after it had reached the c****x, or maybe at the exact point.  Without the beginning, there was no way for me to know where I was. And oddly enough, I was thankful for that. Who knew what I would have learnt if I had been here any sooner, if I hadn’t overslept this morning with those fifteen minutes?                     “But you’re supposed to be uniting the Kingdoms, Dae. That was always the bigger picture. You knew that you were destined to marry her since the moment that she was born. I don’t understand why you’re getting cold feet now…”     My heart felt as if it had been ripped out of my chest, as if someone was holding it too tightly, squeezing it intentionally, knowing that it would hurt me. Everything that Singe was saying was true, and for some reason, it just made me hurt even more. We had been preparing for this day our whole lives. And now here we were…     I had been the fool who had actually gone ahead and fallen in love with him, while he was here, planning out how exactly he was going to leave me at the altar. How naïve had I been to believe that he had actually loved me too…                     “If they still wish to unite the Kingdoms, I would be more than willing to marry Cire. If they are not agreeable to that, then they can hand over Northern Atlantis to me willingly.”     For one, frightening moment, it felt like I was losing my balance, like the earth was shaking and I couldn’t keep my footing. He had to be joking. There was no way that Dae—Dae of all people!—would be willing to marry someone as repulsive as Cire, that he would be willing to choose her over me. Was I having a nightmare? One where the impossibilities of our current reality felt like they were coming true? I had to be. There was no other way to explain all of this.     Doing what I always did whenever it felt like what was happening was too good to be true, or in this case, to bad to be true, I dug my nail into the flesh that covered my wrists, the pain shooting all the way up my arm, proving to me that this was real. This was not a dream.     If it wasn’t for the fact that Singe and Dae were so close to me, I would have let out an ear-piercing scream. I would have brought down everything around me, just for the chance that it would some how numb the pain that I was feeling.     Finally managing to build up the courage to do what was best for me, to turn around and walk away, I took one last look at the door that I had been about to knock on, one very last look of longing. Did they have any idea that I was out here?                     “Are you insane, Dae? Cire? You must be insane. She’s not even the King’s real daughter, and you believe that he’s going to let you marry her to unite the Kingdoms? Have you been drinking this morning?”     Singe…    Singe, who was trying so hard to make sure that everyone’s plans for today weren’t going to fall apart, while I was out here, with a completely different plan formulating in my head. If Dae was so willing to ruin my reputation for the sake of whatever it was that he was feeling, then so be it. There was nothing that I could do to change his mind, and therefore, I wasn’t even going to try.     I started to go back the way that I had come, but the only difference was that this time, I wasn’t making such a large amount of effort to keep my footsteps silent, to make sure that no one heard me leaving, as I had done when I had come here. Because the difference was that now I didn’t care whether or not someone found me here. I didn’t care that I would get the scolding of a lifetime if my father were to hear of the news that I had disappeared from my bridal party.     But I also knew that my father wouldn’t take all of this as lightly as Dae seemed to think that he would. Yes, he was right when he said that there was no way that my father would be able to cut off all the contact that we have with the Kingdom of Southern Atlantis, especially since the two Kingdoms relied on one another for survival. But the problem was that the initial few months would be like literal hell for both Kingdoms.     Innocent people who played no part in any of this would be suffering, and that was right. It just couldn’t happen that way…     I found myself standing in the throne room of the Central castle, the castle that had been built in order to symbolise the union between Dae and I, the castle that we had been meant to rule in, together. It felt wrong to think of it that way. So very wrong. He was upstairs, wanting anything but this wedding—he wanted Cire more than he wanted to marry me.     There was a part of me that dared to hope that he was just getting cold feet, and that he was just saying all of this because he had no other way of letting out his emotions, nothing else that he was able to channel them into. But then there was the other part of me, the part that was much wiser, and much more logical, the part that reminded me of the type of person who Dae was. Never in a million years would he say something that he didn’t mean. Not even if it was for the sake of sparing someone else’s feelings.                     “Anoa? Darling, we’ve been looking everywhere for you. What is the matter? Why are you down here? You should be with your bridal party.”     I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath. There was no way that it was him. Surely my father had much more important things to be attending to, something other than whether or not I was with my bridal party. But whether he did or did not, did not really matter. What mattered, was that I needed to turn around, and make sure that he didn’t realise that something was amiss…                     “Papa, you startled me.”     I turned around, doing it slowly so that my movements wouldn’t be able to betray me, and so that I would have enough time to blink away the tears that had begun to collect in my eyes. I watched as my father looked me up and down, obviously doing his best not to comment on the fact that I had been wandering the palace in a bathrobe—something that definitely wouldn’t have been acceptable if there were any guests in the palace.                     “I’m sorry, Anoa. I thought that you had heard me approach. Why are you down here?”  Would it have been too much for him to have forgotten about the question that he had asked? Would it have been too much for him to remember that he had something else to do, and to then walk away, without asking me any other prying questions? Had it really been that much to hope for?                     “They… They were all fussing over my hair—it practically felt like they were going to start fighting with one another. I just needed to get out for a breath of fresh air. I was on my way to the gardens.”     I could have applauded myself for the excuse that I had just come up with, for the half lie that I had told. No one in my bridal party cared about my appearance enough to be worried about it—what mattered to all of them, was their appearance, for they still needed to secure a suitor, for they still needed to find themselves husbands. It seemed to me like my wedding had become the perfect hunting ground for them.     I noticed that my fathers’ features had softened quite considerably, and he was now watching me with an amused expression on his face. Trust him to find a situation like that amusing. He didn’t know the way half of the Atlantan woman behaved themselves—I couldn’t blame him, especially when he had someone like Shren by his side. She was breathtakingly beautiful—but that was something that all Sirens had in common. But maybe, she was just above the average Siren. She had managed to lure in a King, after all.                     “You should not fret over their antics, Anoa. Today is your special day. They’re just trying to cater you as best they can. You’re a princess—tomorrow you will be a Queen! It’s only natural for them to behave this way.”    Oh, father…     If only I were able to tell you why I had truly left my chambers, if only I were able to tell you what I had overheard…     Would you be able to fix it? Or would that be nothing more than wishful thinking on my part?     Of course, it was.     There was no other way.                     “You’re right, Papa. They’re just trying to help, I’m sure of it. I’ll return to them once I’ve made a round in the gardens.”                     “That would be a wise choice. You have about an hour before any guests will be allowed to arrive, so I suggest that you do not delay any more than you need to.”                     “I shan’t delay, Papa. Thank you.”                     “You’re welcome.”     Just as I had been expecting, my father started walking again, moving on to the next task that needed his attention. He was never in one place for too long, never stuck to one conversation long enough for it to be anything more than a conversation.             “Papa?”     My father stopped walking in an instant, turning back to me with an expression that was oddly difficult to interpret. It was almost as if he was waiting for me to speak—which was acceptable, considering that it had been I who had called him—but it felt like he was waiting for more, like he knew that there was something wrong but that he wanted me to confide in him without being coerced into doing it.               “Yes, darling?”                     “I love you.”     A soft smile lit up his face, the frown lines that had been caused by countless hours of fretting over his Kingdom easing up just a fraction.                                                                                                            “I love you, too. Now, go get that walk finished. You have a wedding to prepare for.”