Loving a Masochist ꨄ

Heart Jewel Saji ꨄ

I never wished for a rich man, a perfect prince or a knight in shining armour.. all I wished for is a man who fears God. A man who's not just concerned about my physicality and mentality but also with my spirituality.. and then I met you. I didn't meet you in a magical way like those written in novels. It was just an ordinary moment of a girl meeting a boy for the first time and vice versa. And I guess that's part of God's greater and better plan. You were my ideal man.. scratch that. You are my ideal man. You've set the bars so high and I don't know if that would ever fall down. I love your voice; the way you share your testimony and sing praises to Him. I love your laugh; how it reflected His wonderful grace in your life. I love your eyes; the way it expressed happiness and contentment. I love your warm embrace; how it gave me comfort at my gloomiest and disheartened moments just like how His words gave me help and reassurance. You see, I love everything about you.. even your changes. I love you with every broken pieces of me and loving you turned me into this.

I hope you know you're loving a masochist. The more you hurt me, the more i'm going to love you. I tell you love, things will be hard for us. Fights will be more difficult to handle with. There are more crying and self-pity. Every night will be a battle you'd always want to give up. But mornings feels like a paradise you would never want to leave behind. I'll push you as farther as I could. I will push you away until I won't be able to reach you anymore. But I will run to you and I will ask you to please stay. I will tell you not to love me because it's going to be like a sweet music to my ears to hear that you don't eventhough how much I wanted to hear that you do. I will tell you all the things that can hurt me and no matter how many times you'd say it's going to be okay, I will never ever believe that eventhough it's only you who can make things get better. I'm a masochist. But swear to God, I will love you so much. I will love you until my heart stops beating, until the diamonds lost its sparkles, until no more words left to write, until bookworms forget how to read. I will love you with every fiber of my being and with every pain my heart's may feel. I'm a masochist. I love the taste of suffering and I will hurt myself, so I can love you the most.

I hope you know that I'm not scared of the future. Because I know we will always have each other. I don't have to have the perfect love story with you. Because our story maybe perfectly imperfect, uncertain, passionate, and hard at times, but we know it's worth it. You're worth it,

Heart Jewel Saji, Eighteen

Hardworking..

Understanding..

Loving..

and above all ... Masochists.

'I have to be okay when I am with everybody. I have to do right. I have to be happy. I have to look fine. I have to smile. But deep inside me, is a crying heart. I can not breathe because of what I am feeling. This feeling of loneliness, this feeling of being dumped, This feeling of being forgotten, this feeling of being alone in a world of uncertainties, in a world of bitterness, in a world of 'Why's'. Staying awake at cold nights, thinking of you. Drinking a bottle of liquor, thinking of you. Crying and thinking of you.'

HeArT ꨄ

-Daughter of Prince Saji and Mia Kehmer-

From the story of Assassin Series ⚔9

'Beloved'

?MahikaNiAyana