SHATTERED HEARTS

Hey guys thanks for giving this book a chance. Might as well give you a spoiler. This book deals with a lot of emotions that are misplaced and also deals with abuse as from the start hence some content might be explicit and triggering. If you're not comfortable with such kind of emotions its understandable if you don't read. But otherwise welcome and read on then let me know what you think on the comment section. *************** Katherine's POV In this life one can only learn to take just as much but at some point the taking becomes so hard that you think you can't take it anymore just wishing that you'd just collapse and end it all with just the shut of your eyes. But even that isn't as easy as it seems and not even half of the people out here have the chance to just do that. And so you get deemed to just keep on taking everything the world brings your way even if you feel you can't take it. And what happens as a result to filling up your tank more than it can take, it will end up too full and will overflow and the pressure might just be too much and it ends up bursting. This happens and its the fault of the tank for being poor quality when in reality that's far from the case, the tank showed signs of being full and more than anything it even started overflowing if that wasn't a sign enough what will be ever enough. Myself I don't know. Enough about parables but you get my point what I'm really trying to pass on. The signs will be there but there are those who just don't see anything. I don't really blame them. In this world we are leaving in people have different problems day in day out hence they might miss the signs. And I don't blame them. the tank might be overflowing and indicating alls signs of being extremely full but it maybe in a hidden place, away from the just any eyes. And then some will always be too ignorant to see them and then in future be the ones to led the 'ooh so poor quality' Judgment. But that might just be the easier way to resolve their guilt to not stopping the overflow or at least notice it and alert someone that could. But hey that's just me. At some point I really feel like I was cursed from the point of beginning. What wrong did I ever do in my past life if that's still a thing, is that even possible. Anyway the bearer of my soul in the past must have offended the nature for me to end up just where I am at the moment. A groan leaves my mouth as I try to gather my bones together and just walk out from this hell I'm in. Its at this instances I really wonder if I really pursued my interest in psychology how would I even be worth the role. Be there as a therapist trying to advice them on probably seeing the world in a different aspect when all I ever see myself is the world that's full of hateful people. Will I ever even let them heal. I don't think I can but every time it keeps calling on to me. The curiosity I have regarding on this particular subject of psychology I think it can only ever be dimmed down by just diving into it. If I'll ever make it to that far. Highschool might just be my end. I finally manage to stand on my wobbly feet and drug myself out of the locker room and head to the washrooms. Only reason I'm heading there would be because I know its late and very few people if even there's are still in school. The pain that I feel within my ribs as I try to move makes my mind head back to just about an hour ago. Where once again I ended up as a punching bag to well my schoolmates. I really don't know what wrong I ever did that has me every damn time being punished. I just don't get how people could just hate you for being slightly different from them. Its no reason for this treatment I keep getting. How someone's mind could just be so naive yet you still go to school every other day I don't get it. Isn't school supposed to instill some of this things within us at least the religious version of study. But then again no one ever pays attention when you're needed to. Don't the parents of this bullies instill human feelings to their children. Anyway I don't intend to put the blame on anyone but I'm on the receiving end of all these loose cuts. How someone can just keep beating up somebody or threatening them every chance they get and not feel a tad bit of guilt in them is completely beyond them. Don't they think that suppose roles were reversed would they be okay to be on the receiving end. But maybe its only me who gets to think that far since I'm the one on the disadvantage of being on the receiving end. I really hate that I'm the pathetic kid at school who's always being bullied, who's the loner and who doesn't have parents. I don't mean not to be appreciative of what I've got so far but with the kind of treatment being served towards me... Then I try to look into the reasons why I'm still being bullied even when I'm this grown. Besides those are just a few of the terms they use to describe me, which hurts but its the truth in some way. I don't have parents been in an orphanage since I was three months according to the records, I'm pathetic, I'm the one who's always being bullied. I'm not a loner since I have a friend but still. I know there are a few others like me. For instance my best friend. Or more like my sister and we both have the same fates. Its like the universe just decided wed be the version of the meanest joke to play in life. I keep trying to reason out with everything in this world but nothing ever has an answer. And I'd say its the only reason I haven't fully given up on this pathetic life. Hoping for a future that I wouldn't be in this highschool anymore and the bullies won't have a chance to keep on bullying me. A future where i can live as if I'm not constantly walking on shells. But even that feels like a far away dream. Like what world would that ever be? Its no movie that the bullies might end up on my doorstep hoping I could just employee them. And Karma would be served by me mistreating them just because i can. I'm not a bitter person I try seeing that single silver lining in everything but at times I wish I was bitter then I'd be able to wish the bullies to all burn in hell and I might just do that. The goodness in me keeps on fading with every beating I take, with every insult I take, with every rumor that goes around the school, the names and the shoves down in the hallway. With every exclusion, I keep fading into the darkness that's almost consuming me. And at times I wish it'd consume me then maybe I might retaliate and not try to over think a situation. And then probably I'd be able to protect Scarlett. I'm scared of when I'll leave the school all the attention will be on her. Scarlett is my best friend and my sister it may not be by blood but still I consider her as my sister. We've been together ever since we were toddlers, though she's a year younger than me which makes her junior since I'm on my senior year and the last year till the orphanage let's me go. I'll be turning eighteen soon so... Anyway I don't want to think that far it makes me anxious. At least as of now I know Scarlett isn't black and blue like me since I took her beating and ordered her to head home. If we aren't there the two of us by the curfew time it would have created problems. But with at least one of us there an excuse could be made up. Which is why I'm here alone. I can't really walk out with blood dripping from my busted lip, I need to fix up before heading out. And also work some ribs with the bandages that way I could move around a tad bit easier. I make it to the washrooms and start attending to my ribs and then my lip. I learnt the hard way to always have a kit inside your bag. But I just think its so wrong that I have to live on as if I'm walking on shells. I can't do this anymore. Anyway who I'm I kidding its a statement I've been making ever since i was probably nine and I'm almost eighteen so yeah almost nine years later and no action apart from crying at night while letting the thoughts I have been struggling with overwhelm me. Nights should be rest times but I think I may agree with my bed that if that happened between our relationship it was probably a handful of times, others involved me up crying and holding onto my pillow whilst muffling my cries so that Scarlett won't realize since we share a tiny room together. While the others are in fours. The orphanage isn't that big and we just cope with what's there. After fixing up myself I close up my kit after rearranging everything back to where it was. After which I walk out making my way back to the orphanage and I'm so sure I'm going to get it from Anita. She's in charge of the orphanage and has been our caregiver since i could remember. She's no joke when rules are broken but I didn't mean to break them but I can't tell her that. I once did tell her about the bullying in my younger days and she went to school had a talk with my teacher who made an announcement in class about the bullying. She thought she was controlling the situation but that only made things worse. The bullies accused me of trying to have them thrown out of school and I got to get punished for being a snitch. I hadn't really told Anita the culprits, I just used the general term. 'Girls and boys in my class.' Looking back at it that was stupid of me I should have just named the individuals and then maybe justice would have been served. Anyway can't go back now so I have to face the music. Which shouldn't be the case. I know I don't deserve this but like I keep saying it can only be for so much before I just stop pushing and just let everything drown me. ,,,, ,,,, ,,,, ,,,,