Come and gone (#3 of the Grey pack)

the only regret I ever had

Jason’s P.O.V.

“Come on daddy, give it to me, hard!” I groaned, as I used my hands the best way I possibly could while listening to this nonsense sounding in my ear. I launched myself, using most of my weight to lean into it. I knew what I was supposed to do to push through this. Knew what was needed of me to finish this. I growled, my wolf Turak softly pushing forward as I finally got the upper hand in the situation. And I finally could use my leg to pull Jeremy out of his balance, and make him smack down on the grass as we were inside the training stadium. Sparring, one on one.

“I have already called the Alpha of the Moanne pack.”

“I explained our situation to him, and luckily, he agreed with us, to some degree, that is.”

“He did not want to give up his own wizard. Which I can only understand from his point of view. But, he did grant us the favor of his children. They will be coming here in a couple of days and we will figure from there on out what we will do next.”

FUCK!

I had played that conversation from a couple of days ago, inside of my head, time and time again, and still I wasn't able to let go of it.

I gasped, as I felt two hands grab around my ankles, and the very next second my body hit the ground as Jeremy had pulled me down pulling my feet from underneath me. I had been so into my own f*****g thoughts that I didn’t even see the fucker crawling up to me. And by being distracted, Jeremy was winning from me right now.

little dipshit...

*Jason, stop daydreaming.* Nico, our chief warrior, mind linked me, to which my wolf growled, being angry at myself mostly.

“Yeah, sorry! s**t…” I mumbled while trying to get Jeremy's body off of me.

“Come on daddy, eyes on me.” Jeremy grinned at me like the little pervert that he was, to which I finally was able to roll the both of us around, making his back hit the grass and he coughed out the air in his lungs, as his body made a hard crash onto the ground beneath us.

“Stop talking to me as if you are in bed with me, Redhead!” I growled at Jeremy, one of my best friends, seeing the damned smirk on his face and the moan that left his mouth. He knew just how to push my buttons and right now, he was doing it all right.

“Does it really matter though? Because clearly, your mind is somewhere else and not on me like it should be.” He laughed at me, to which I pushed him back and got up from the ground. My temper was having the best of me and for now, I was f*****g done sparring and training. I walked over towards one of the benches where I grabbed my towel and a bottle of water. I scrubbed my hands over my face, which was soaked in sweat.

*Hey, are you off tonight?* All of a sudden, Nicole popped up in my mind using our mind link. And I frowned, thinking back to last night. Her kiss, her moan, her fingers squeezing into my skin.

*No, not tonight. Sorry.* I answered her, knowing I would be needed to stay inside the pack house with my Alpha. Threats had been too high on our pack, so I needed to stay by my Alpha’s side as all Gammas would. And in all honesty, I was not feeling up to spending time with Nicole right now either. Not when my mind had been so f*****g caught up into the past so f*****g badly, that I could not even concentrate, and I could not get my s**t straight for a couple of seconds at a time.

*Have you thought about my proposal?* She mind linked me again, to which I groaned and let my head fall back because for one damn second I just wanted things to be quiet around me, I wanted some God damn peace of mind.

*No, it’s been busy around here.* I answered her, because she should at least know that I didn’t have any time to think just yet, especially since the last night when I was with her, on her, in her. It was after we were done that she had popped out the question to me, the one where we might want to consider about taking each other as a chosen mate, since clearly, none of us had found him or her as of yet, our one true mate. But the last thing I needed right now, was for her to start throwing tantrums around because I didn’t answer her question on the spot like she probably had wanted me to. We had had s*x, we had been doing it for a while now, but that didn’t make her entitled to anything from me. But if she would start running that mouth of hers, that could make me look bad as the Gamma of this pack as well, which I hated to the core of my being, since I wanted to live my life on a low profile. Not being the center of attention for town gossip. And yeah, Nicole had been a surprise, she had not been planned to come into my life the way she had. We had just started talking at a party, one thing had led to another after both being drunk, and since we both didn’t have anyone, it had become a repeated thing. And yet when she had popped the question last night and I had looked at her, gorgeous naked body, t**s on display, hair fanned out over her pillow, I had just sighed and shook my head, knowing deep down that something was, in fact, missing here for me. She might be gorgeous and good at pleasing my s****l needs... she was not the one I wanted to spend my entire life with. She wasn't the one I wanted to live my life for...

Because it wasn’t Nicole, or her question right now that was making me forget things. It wasn’t our 'sexcapade' of a couple of nights ago that had me losing my concentration more times than I could count. It was f*****g Adam, and his return to move back into my pack. I hadn’t talked to him in almost ten f*****g years, and out of the blue, we had been talking two times in two f*****g days because my Alpha had ordered him to move back here. My constant thinking hadn’t been because we had met up again and we had talked, picking up where we had left off before he had moved out of this pack and we were just instantly friends again, as if no time had passed whatsoever. It was because of the things he did not talk about to me that had me losing my mind. The subject we both had an unspoken agreement about, to never bring up between us in a conversation.

Sami…

I could still remember myself sitting in the Alpha’s office after meeting with Nicole, when Derek had brought them up, telling the Alpha how he knew about a brother and a sister who had magical powers, and who would potentially come back here to protect the Grey pack. I could still remember the way my heart had jumped, as if, after years, it had finally come back to life, and it had started beating again. Just having someone else speaking about her again, had made me feel things I had shoved down years and years ago. A subject, I had forced myself to let go off. A person who I had vowed to let go of.

Sami…

“Jason?” I heard Derek, the pack's Beta, calling out to me.

“Yeah?” I asked him, looking up as my daydream was shattered once again. A daydream of a black-haired girl with bright blue eyes walking right next to me. Holding hands. She was wearing a jacket that had my last name on the back, since I was in the rugby team at the time, and she had been feeling cold when we walked back home after one of my games. Those long, lean legs coming out underneath her shorts during a hot spring day, because she never wore a skirt, claiming it just felt wrong and just made her walk in a funny way. I swallowed, as I looked around, seeing how every f*****g wolf inside the training stadium was looking at me.

fuck

didn’t I hear them talking to me, again?

The look on Derek’s face sure did look funny. Even though he was the only one who could have known about where my thoughts were at. We had grown up together with Adam and Sami, he knew about my history with both of them. My best friend and his little sister, the girl who I was in love with in high school. Until she moved away and we were done.

“Sorry, I got distracted for a minute there.” I excused myself, swallowing deeply. f**k, I didn’t want to think back to the past. The past was f*****g painful and miserable. And yet, it felt as if I was being sucked right back into the center of it. All because of talking to one person, and all because of another person who wasn’t being talked about at all, but the one I desperately wanted to talk about. Hear about. The one I desperately wanted to know about but wasn't allowed to ask anything about.

Fuck, I’m so screwed.

“Have you stopped being distracted now?” Derek asked me, his big dark eyes looking at me while I nodded, placing my hands on my hips.

“The guys are meeting up at the pack house after training, you down?” He asked me, to which I nodded again, being pleased to have found a real excuse not to meet up with Nicole tonight.

“Yeah, sounds great.” I nodded back at my Beta, who was still looking at me with a look as if he was wondering if I was sick or something like that.

“I’ll just hit the shower before I head down to the pack house.” I nodded, turning around as I walked towards the showers, needing an ice-cold one to block out every thought I had about Goddamn Sami.

Sami…

my blue...

The girl I left behind so easily all of those years ago.

that gorgeous smile of hers

those tasty lips of hers

blue eyes to drown in

my whole f*****g teenage world…

the only regret I have ever had…

“f**k!” I screamed, letting my hand rub over my face as the cold water hit me and yet did nothing for me. I needed to find my focus, I needed to concentrate on anything but Sami. She had been back here for two days now, and she had not come to see me once. It only made me realize that she did not want to see me or talk to me. Which was only fair, given the way I had ended things between us way back then. The way I had left her without even saying goodbye to her, the promises I made to her, but that had always remained empty and over time had turned into lies. The way I had just shut my bedroom door, being a selfish prick and not once considering the way she must have been feeling all that time. How she must had been hurting because of the things I had done to her.

Shit. It was actually funny, knowing how growing up and training hard to become a Gamma had pushed all of those feelings away for years. How it had made them feel like distant memories, a thing of the past. And yet, when being brought back into reality, just by having a conversation with her big brother, it felt as if time hadn’t moved for me at all.

“Sami and I are living back here now, the Alpha needed our help.” That was the line Adam had used with a massive smile on his face, when I had seen him again for the very first time, and she had come back into my life for real. And ever since that conversation, I had been trying to forget about her again, which was now simply impossible, because the more I was trying to forget about her, the more she was sneaking back into my mind again. And now, just like in high school, she was filling my every thought all over again. Except this time around, I knew for a fact that she would not be standing by her front door, waiting for me to come pick her up. Running towards me and jumping into my arms. She would not gasp when I would get close to her, she wouldn’t grab my shirt and pull me into her, so she could finally kiss me after I had been teasing her all night long in her back yard. She wouldn’t be looking at me the way she used to look at me all those years ago. With love and adoration in her eyes. Because back then, she loved me. And right now, I was pretty sure that because of all the s**t I had put her through, she didn’t just hate me. She loathed me.

And there was nothing I could do to change that for her, because she was absolutely right to be feeling that way about me, about hating me so badly. Because she was absolutely right in her feelings. I was a f*****g piece of s**t, and absolutely not deserving of her time of day. Not even one Goddamn second of it.