The Alpha’s Secret

I remember the night my world shifted as a weird haze, everything changed but I found it so difficult to grasp details! It was a night I had been dreading for weeks, I had turned 18 a few days before the full moon and was preparing for my first shift, not something I was looking forward to as I was doing it alone. My parents had died 2 years ago in a hit and run accident, not something that should happen in a pack, wolves don’t hurt their own, our bodies will literally reject causing emotional pain to a pack member. I have been on my own since, I had no family to take me in so was living at the orphanage, well until this weekend, once I’ve shifted I can move out, officially start my life as an adult…only I wasn’t sure I was ready. The Alpha’s daughter, Helen, was also going to be having her first shift this weekend and the Alpha was throwing her a ball to celebrate, it was mandatory for the pack to attend. I had a bit of money left to me from my parents, so had treated myself to a beautiful gown, it was a deep red ball gown, it was strapless and had a hidden corset that gave me a classic hourglass shape, I felt special when I put it on. I imagined that my mum would approve, thought of her the entire time I was shopping, pretending she was with me, offering opinions, telling me I should get the matching shoes - just like the other girls. I took my time getting ready for the evening, sweeping my long brown hair to the side, curling it and finishing it with hairspray. Just a touch of make up, nothing too heavy, let the dress speak for itself. I walked up to the pack house, my stomach was churning at the thought of my first shift. The pack house looked beautiful, all twinkle lights and candles, there were omegas handing out food and drinks, friends were greeting each other at the door, screaming at how beautiful they all looked. I didn’t have any friends, not since my parents died, I used to be popular before, I was training in the warrior programme (just like my dad) but when they died, it was like I died with them and I stopped caring about anyone, I retreated into my self, eventually my friends stopped trying to be there, stopped checking on me. I don’t have anyone now, I barely speak to anyone. Looking around I don’t feel jealous, just sad, it’s like I’m looking at the life I would have had and I missed it. The evening was wonderful though, dancing (I didn’t dance, just stood to the side watching everyone) there was lots of yummy food and the Alpha did a speech about how proud he was of his family and couldn’t wait to pass the reins over to his son when he found his mate. The Alpha’s son, Lex, stood just behind the Alpha, looking bored to be honest, like he’d heard it all before, he was handsome with dark features, he was huge, like most alphas. I don’t really remember him from school, he’s a few years older then I am so I didn’t have much to do with him. Then came the part that I was dreading, midnight, the Alpha motioned for us all to go outside, ready ourselves for our first turn. I slipped my shoes off and left them by a window, not wanting to ruin them. The ground was cold, and I could see my breath in the air. I decided to walk away from the pack house so I had a bit of privacy, I knew this was going to be painful and I didn’t want anyone to see me take my clothes off, I slipped my dress off with difficulty, why did I have a corset! Hung it on a nearby tree and before I knew it my whole body began to vibrate, I heard the cracking before I felt it, but boy did I then feel it, I have never felt pain like it before and it was all over my body no escaping the intense pressure. I’m not sure how long it lasted, I’m pretty sure I passed out, the next thing I remember was my wolf telling me it was over, she told me her name was Willow and she was sorry I had been alone for so long but I would never be alone again, she was here and we would be together forever. Willow wanted to run and howl, hunt and play, and I let her, I found I could sit back and watch in my mind, it was a surreal experience. She was playful and immediately started running with others who were having their first shift. Eventually others from the pack shifted and joined in, it was the first time I had felt free in years, like I had been trapped in a small space and was finally allowed to stretch out! I found myself down by the river when the most intense scent hit my nose, it smelled of coffee, pine needles and cinnamon, Willow told me it was my mate and she immediately started looking around her, paws approached on the other side of the river ‘it’s him!’ she exclaimed excitedly, she looked up and I was nearly floored when I saw who it was, standing opposite me was Lex, or rather his wolf Gunner. He was a black wolf, almost iridescent, like flecks of navy blue running through his coat. He was huge, more then twice the size of Willow. He approached us and greeted us with a sniff. He smelt divine! Willow was beside herself with happiness, couldn’t believe her luck and having found our mate on our first turn. They played together all night, I was drifting between watching them and thinking of what Lex would think of me, did he even know who I was? I don’t know how long it lasted but eventually they lay down under a tree, I thought he might mate me, something I was sure I wasn’t ready for but he didn’t just curled up next to Willow, they both eventually fell asleep. Turning back was nearly as painful, but I had Willow this time talking to me the entire time, telling me it will hurt less next time. When I was me again, I looked around for Lex but he was gone, I could feel Willows confusion, why would he have left her alone? I had no idea where I was in the woods so started making my way back to what I thought the direction of the pack house was, it was a freezing cold November morning and I had nothing to warm me up. I eventually heard rustling ahead of me and Lex came through some trees ahead, fully clothed and holding out a coat. He wouldn’t look at me, looking somewhere over my head. At the time I thought that it was sweet, he was not making me feel uncomfortable naked in front of him. I took the coat he had gratefully, it smelled of him. ‘Thank you’ I said shyly. ‘Your name is Anna, right?’ He said in a deep voice, I’d never heard him talk before that day. ‘Yes I am’ he still hadn’t looked at me? ‘Come, let’s get you home’ he held a hand out to me and I gratefully took it, it was hot to the touch and I kept getting sparkles all up my arm, it felt heavenly! ‘I need to collect my dress, my shoes?’ I was currently barefoot, which wasn’t uncomfortable I noticed, ‘that’s because of me’ Willow informed me. ‘I’ll sort that and have them dropped to you’ he said, he was looking at the floor now, I wondered if he was feeling the same sparkly heat I was up and down my arm. ‘Are we going to the pack house?’ I asked, I mean, now that we were mates I assumed that I would be moved to live with him? ‘No’ he said, without explanation. Willow was really confused, he wouldn’t look at me and we didn’t talk at all after that, eventually finding myself in-front of the orphanage. He was looking up at the building with what looked like pain in his eyes, I wondered what he was thinking. Felt to see if we had a link, I thought mates could have that but I realised we hadn’t actually accepted each other as such yet? ‘Are you leaving this place today?’ ‘Yes, I have an apartment in town? Do you want to come and see it later?’ ‘No’ was all he said ‘Oh, am I not what you wanted?’ I said in the smallest voice, I needed to know now, get the pain over and done with so I could get on with my life. I could already feel Willow was in pain, her heart beginning to break. ‘I want you, but I can’t take you as my mate’ ‘Why?’ I felt all emotion leave me, I felt like my legs could no longer carry me, I could feel the weight of rejection pressing down. ‘I can’t tell you’ ‘Are you going to reject me?’ ‘No’ He let go of my hand with what seemed like an effort, he bent down his head and ran his nose all along my clavicle taking in my scent kissing the spot where he would have marked me. Shivers were everywhere and the faintest moan escaped my mouth. I heard him growl no, more to himself I think! Then turned and walked away leaving me there outside the orphanage like a wobbly, turned on mess of a new woman. I remember vaguely showering and packing the rest of the day, I didn’t have much to take with me, just a couple of boxes so I just carried them over, it was only a 10 minute walk and I didn’t have a car, the place came fully furnished. It was only when I was done and unpacked did I allow myself to settle down for a cry, although he hadn’t said the words and rejected me it certainly felt like it was coming. I just didn’t understand, what had I ever done to him, why hold my hand and let me experience those delicious sparks if he was just going to reject me anyway? I had been miserable for 10 minutes when there was a knock at the door. I opened it to find the most beautiful bouquet of red roses, the exact colour of the dress I had worn the night before, it was huge. I thanked the delivery driver and excitedly ran up to my place on the top floor, I found the card and it simply said ‘sorry L’ ‘Sorry for what?’ I said to Willow, she was as confused as I was, wondered if it was her fault, had she done something to annoy his wolf? But I assured her that they seemed like they were bonding really well, Gunner was playful and seemed excited she was there? There was literally no explanation for it!