Chapter 19
1437 Words
Chapter 19
Edward was still looking at his hands, although they now just rested half-open in his lap. He had stopped flexing them over and over. He seemed at peace.
But I was glad he wasn't looking at me. My heart had stopped beating for a moment, and I wasn't sure whether my face had gone bright red or ghastly pale, but either way it would be clear my feelings were stomping all over me.
"It was a relief. It was finally over. And I hadn't even realized it was an ordeal," he said. "It's all so strange."
"You don't have to process everything all at once," I said. "It's okay to take your time."
But he didn't seem to hear me. He just kept talking. He kept saying all the words that were making it hard for me to breathe.
"I thought I loved her. I was quite certain of it. I had even had fights with Otto about it. He didn't think I truly loved her. He said she was just a symbol of the life I wanted. I don't think that's true, even now. She's not a symbol to me."
"Otto was just trying to be a good friend," I said. "If you and Ivy had gotten engaged, he would have been the first to congratulate you both."
"Oh, I know. He said his piece, and then he was going to hold his peace. That's how he phrased it. It's just so strange. I was absolutely convinced I spoke from the heart when I argued with him about it. And yet, the moment Mr. McTavet said Thomas and Ivy, their names together, I realized I had never loved her. And I felt relieved that I would no longer think I did. Does that make any sense?"
Then he looked up at me, catching me unawares. I sat back, straight and tall, and made the expression on my face shift to something neutral. I might be thrilled to hear the words that he had never loved Ivy, but I couldn't let that show. Not to him.
"Wait a minute," I said, shifting my attention to all the other words he had been saying. "Are you saying you were under a spell?"
He blinked, confused, then nodded. "Yes, I guess that's one way to describe it. It felt like I had been under a spell and then it was broken. Just like that."
"It felt like, or it was like?" I asked.
"What are you asking me, Amanda?" he asked. "I know you're not teasing me. Not now."
"No, I'm not teasing," I said. "I just thought maybe you were telling me that Ivy put a spell on you."
"Like something out of a song," he said. "But no, not Ivy. Ivy just… changed her mind."
"Maybe you're just having a manic response," I said.
"What does that mean?" he asked.
"Maybe your feelings will switch on a dime again, and you'll feel all the sadness all at once."
"I don't think so," he said. "No, that's not what I'm feeling. I truly am relieved. I wanted nothing more than to wish Thomas and Ivy every happiness in the world. If anything, I'm sad I didn't get a chance to do that."
"It is a shame," I agreed.
"I'm not sad about losing Ivy," he said, looking at me intently. "She wasn't the one for me."
I shot up from the sofa and moved closer to the fireplace, to turn my back on those eyes and whatever he was about to say next. But even with my back turned, he could keep talking. I needed to steer the conversation in a different way.
"You are taking it all better than Mary Taylor," I said. "She's quite distraught. Do you know Mary?"
"A little," he said. "She was always close to Ivy."
"Ivy didn't tell her she was changing who she was getting engaged to," I said. "Mary didn't find out until the announcement, in front of everyone. She was crushed."
"She had feelings for Thomas? I had no idea," Edward said.
"I'm not sure Thomas did either, unfortunately," I said.
"It's better not to wait with such things," he said, and his voice was much closer. He was standing just behind me, and I could feel him willing me to turn around.
"Was there anyone else?" I asked, a sudden thought striking me.
"What?" he asked.
"Was there anyone else caught up in this love tangle? You with Ivy, Ivy with you and Thomas, Thomas with Ivy and Mary. Was there another person caught up in this somewhere? Perhaps loving from afar? Someone with a temper and a desire for revenge, perhaps?"
Now I did turn to face him, but only to be sure he was listening to me.
He was. His face was serious as he thought it over.
"You've been to all the parties, all the afternoon gatherings. Ivy had a lot of other suitors, right?" I said.
"I'm thinking who else I saw here," he said. "There were a few more men who were pursuing her with great seriousness. On their part. Ivy liked the attention, but she didn't encourage it when she wasn't prepared to return it."
"Did you know she was encouraging Thomas?" I asked.
"No," he admitted.
"Then there might have been others."
"No, I don't think so. Thomas is… was different. They had a closeness from being childhood friends. He never called on her as a suitor that I know of."
"Still, if you can think of any names, that could be useful," I said. "There are so many places to hide in this house, so many ways to get in besides the front door. The person who did this might not have even had an invitation. But they could still be here now. Edward, you could be a target."
"I don't think so," he said. "I don't feel like I'm in danger."
I clenched my hands in fists to keep from tearing at my hair. What I really wanted in that moment was to hear a little less about Edward's feelings. It was all too much.
"Please, stick close to Otto," I said. "And speaking of, we should go find him now. It's not safe for the two of us to be on our own."
"Wait," he said, catching my wrist before I could head to the door.
"Edward, this isn't the time," I said.
"It has to be the time," he said. "I have to tell you-"
"Please don't," I said.
"Amanda," he said, taking a step closer.
"Edward," I said, putting my hand on his and removing it from my wrist. He let it drop to his side, but the hurt in his eyes was going to kill me. "You said all you wanted in the world was to wish Thomas and Ivy joy on their engagement. And I know that feeling. Because I came here with that same desire. To wish you and Ivy joy. And I'm sad for you that it all ended so badly."
"You won't even let me say the words?" he asked.
"Please don't," I said. "They won't change anything. They'll just make it harder for both of us."
"Amanda-" he started to say.
I had never been so pleased to see a dozen police officers pour into a room before. They banged into the library, knocking both doors wide open, their voices loud and boisterous as they headed for the places, they had only just left moments before on the sofa and around the desk.
Edward stepped back from me and thrust his hands into his pockets. Only the chief seemed to notice how close we had been standing together by the fireplace, but he only raised an eyebrow. He didn't say a thing.
"Oh good, Scott, you're here," Reilly said as he came through the doors. "We had some more questions for you."
"I'm happy to help," he said then glanced at me. "Miss Clarke had an interesting theory."
"You can fill us in on that yourself, I'm sure. Miss Clarke has to rejoin the others in the ballroom now," Reilly said, putting a hand on the small of my back to steer me towards the door.
"Don't hurt him," I hissed at Reilly.
"Madam, I'm an officer of the law," he said.
"I know," I said and shot him a look.
"That's enough of that," he said, then gave me a little push to keep me moving past the door. "Go on into the ballroom now. There's cake, and it's nearly midnight. Keep walking. I'm not closing these doors until I see you safely through those doors.”
I felt the rush of anger throughout my body, the blood in my ears singing, my heart thumping like a war drum. Then I felt my hair prickling up like from static and forced myself to calm down. This wasn't the time or place to unleash all of my power.
At least, not yet.
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