She is not my Luna

5. Moving on or just moving?

Clair 

I held back the tears that were about to slide down my cheeks. I should have expected it, but somewhere deep inside, I had a bit of hope. Sarah’s words had filled my heart with false hope. But Hunter's words had pierced a hole into my soul. 

But there wasn’t anything left to say, one shouldn’t insist when a male tells them he doesn’t want them; that they are not fit, not strong enough to be their mate. So, I tried to take it as well as I could. 

“Yes, it is. You can’t be my Luna,” he replied. 

I just prayed to the Goddess he would leave soon. His proximity filled me with confusion, the urge to be in his arms was almost overwhelming. Besides, I didn’t know for how long I could hold back my tears. It hurt and I knew it would keep hurting for some time. I didn’t know how long it would take for me to move on, but I knew I had to take it while holding my head high. 

I was waiting for the few words that would sever our mate bond, his rejection. But the words never came. Not many wolves would reject their mates. The mate bond was considered sacred, a precious gift from the Goddess, unless you were an Alpha mated to an omega, I guess. 

“I’m leaving. I wish you a good life, take care,” he said instead, as he walked towards the door. 

“To you too.” I managed to say without sobbing. 

After he left the room and closed the door behind him, I sank into the chair, and let out all the tears that were threatening to break through since he had said those words. 

Even if I hadn’t always dreamed of finding my mate and living happily ever after, I knew how precious and rare mates and the mate bond were. I just hoped that if I was lucky enough to find mine, we could build a happy life together, support and love each other. But this hope now felt like a heavy anchor sinking my heart.

He didn’t say the words, but he left. It hurt more than I could ever foresee. His half-rejection. 

I cried myself to sleep. And I was right, they haunted my dreams. His piercing, deep grey eyes were all I could see with the eyes of my mind. 

~ * ~

Daylight penetrated the space between the shutters and woke me up. I was uncomfortably cramped on the accent chair. 

“Damnit!” I muttered, after realizing that I’d spent the whole night here. My mom would be worried sick by now. 

I jumped up and went to mom’s room as fast as I could. Our bedrooms were adjoined, connected by a lockable door between them. My mom had left this door open and I could see that she had also involuntarily fallen asleep on a chair.

“Clair?” she whispered, opening her eyes slowly. 

“Yes, Mom. I’m sorry to worry you. I fell asleep in the medical wing.” Again. It wasn’t the first time it had happened. I’d fallen asleep while studying a couple of times already. 

‘My bad.’ I mutter to myself.  

“What happened yesterday? Between you and the Alpha? You ruined the dinner!” 

I sighed deeply.

“I’m sorry.” 

“You have to apologize to the Alpha King and the Luna Queen. What about the Alpha? I heard a rumor that he was pranking you, making a joke.”

What? So, now I was just a joke to him? The nerve! That was why I thought Alphas were arrogant, too full of themselves! How could they support the weight of their huge egos? I wondered. 

My mom could read my face. She came towards me and patted my shoulder. “It wasn’t a joke, was it?” 

“No, it wasn’t. He is my fated mate and he left, to his Pack.”

“Of course, he did, dear. An omega couldn’t ever become a Luna, that isn’t the natural order of things. The Fates can be cruel, the Goddess too,” she muttered the last part under her breath. Since she had lost her mate, my dad, she stopped believing in the Goddess like before. 

“I know… but I will move on.” I hope it won’t take long. 

“He didn’t reject you; I see. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be standing here. A mate’s rejection hurts, physically. You wouldn’t, especially for the wolves with our weak constitution. I’m so sorry Clair. But it’s better that he left sooner rather than later.” 

I looked down as I felt a fresh batch of tears flowing down my cheeks. My mom hugged me and patted my back. 

I would move on, I had to. I just needed to distract myself, occupy my mind. I’d sink myself into my nursing studies. 

~ * ~

It was already late. I was reading about wolf anatomy in the company of a large coffee mug when I heard the door open. 

Tor entered the small room. I normally studied in Sarah’s study room. It was annexed to the infirmary and was a very quiet place to read. Sarah usually didn’t use the place; she was always busy, but I thought that was fine for her, she was a ball of energy. Now that she was traveling on vacation, she wouldn’t need this room at all.

“Nerdy, I knew I would find you here.” Hector, or Tor as Sarah had nicknamed him, entered the room. 

“Are you looking for Sarah?” I asked, rubbing the sleepiness from my eyes. I was very tired. 

“Come on, Clairy! I was looking for you!” he said before he pulled me up and engulfed me in a hug. 

Tor was great! Sometimes I even forget that he was the Alpha Hector of the Indigo Moon Pack, and he wasn’t just any Alpha, but a very powerful one, at only 18 years old he managed to be one of the mightiest Alphas of our Realm. 

I had met him when we were pups. We met through Sarah. Since she couldn’t have her own pups, Sarah ended up becoming a second mom to him. It was quite sad because she loved pups, but one could only reproduce with their fated mates. 

Tor grew up between the Indigo Moon Pack and here.  His parents were the former Alpha of the Indigo Moon Pack and the Royal Pack’s Gamma. Needless to say, he was always around. He was even related to the Alpha King. But all those things didn’t turn him into a snob, maybe because Sarah would kick his ass if he even thought about it. 

“How are you?” he asked as he released me from the warm hug. 

“I’m okay.” Or at least I was trying to be. 

“Hey, you don’t have to hide it from me. He is your mate,” Tor said, it wasn’t a question. He knew it. I wasn’t trying to hide it, but I would rather not talk about it.

“He is. But it doesn’t mean anything. An omega and an Alpha together… it’s impossible. He made it clear.” 

“It’s not impossible for the Goddess, otherwise she wouldn’t have made you both mates,” Tor argued. 

I sighed. “He made his decision; I won’t run after someone who doesn’t want me.”

“I could try and talk to him, talk some sense into him,” he offered. 

“Thanks, I really appreciate it, but it’s better to… I just want to move on.” 

“I never took you for a conformist,” Tor replied. 

“If we couldn’t be together because of someone else or any other external reason, I would fight for it. But there is nothing to fight for when your own fated mate doesn’t want you. I think one can’t force that kind of thing.” 

“I guess you are right…” he exhaled sharply. 

“How long are you staying at the Royal Pack?” 

“I don’t know yet. I came to visit Sarah and Cassy, but they seem too busy at the moment,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“They are just living their lives, don’t be a momma’s boy.”

“I’m not, I’m a lady’s boy,” he replied with a big grin, making me roll my eyes. “Although, I’m waiting for my mate.” 

“Are you saving yourself for your mate?” I asked, a bit shocked. He may have been a nice guy, but he was still an Alpha, and Alphas were well-known for sleeping around, using their very high s*x-drive as an excuse.

“No, Clary. I’m saving my heart for my mate, not my… something else.” 

“So, you are also sleeping around?” I asked, chuckling, even though I doubt he would do it. 

“No, I won’t sleep with everyone just because I can. But I’m also no monk.” 

He wasn’t being cocky; Tor was a very good-looking guy and I was sure many girls in his pack would line up to have a chance with him.

Tor’s mate was a lucky girl. I hoped they would find each other soon. He had suffered a lot in his life and now it was high time for him to be loved and happy.

~ * ~

Two days later, after a slightly better night of sleep, I was walking to the medical wing, where I was supposed to meet Sarah, when I was stopped by a couple of buff males. 

They towered over me and had very determined looks on their faces. They seemed like warriors or pack enforcers, but they weren’t wearing red and grey, the colors of the Royal Pack. They had black short tunics that barely covered their muscular torsos and brooches with the emblem of a black wolf’s head howling. Those males were definitely not from this pack. 

“Are you Clair Valois, omega?” 

I really wanted to say I was not, but I didn’t. “Yes, I am” 

“Come with us,” they said, as one of them took me by the arm, his firm grip almost painful. 

“Wait, where are you taking me?” I asked. 

“You are moving,” one of them answered shortly.