PAID FOR PLEASURE

-----~[JENNA'S POV]~----- My blood is pumping hard and wild with extreme excitement. I am so thrilled and overjoyed beyond measure as I pump the gas continiously. I am driving. I can't believe it. I am freaking driving!!! I laugh, squeal and scream with extreme excitement. What the hell was dad talking about? What the heck did he mean by I am not ready for this? This is me doing this right now and it feels so overwhelming. I can't get enough of it. This will be my prove to him. I will one day show this to him so he won't have a choice but to get me a vehicle of mine. Yes!!! This is my excuse. He definitely has no choice on this. I laugh excitedly as I swerve to the right through the almost empty road getting close to a T junction. The green on the traffic light suddenly switches, changing to red.... What the fuck..... I am taken aback as I step Immediately against the brake with panic as never before eroding me. Shit. Pheew. That was close. I can't risk getting into trouble with the traffic officials. What the heck am I saying? It's already almost night and the street is almost empty. But I can't disobey the traffic regulations, can I? I fumble nervously through the dashboard of the car looking for the switch controlling the headlights. My blood is now pumping with both fear, excitement and adrenaline as I look at intervals from the dashboard back to my front to make sure nothing is in my way before I resume my journey. I sigh deeply unable to find the headlights. Damn it!!!! Its already getting dark and I can't risk this. I have to be careful and cautious. I also have to get back home on time before dad and mom does. Shit. I nervously fumble through the dashboard, breathing hard with my chest feeling like it is about to explode. While searching with extreme discomfort, I decide to use my phone's torch. I search for it accidentally pulling a lever and the car jerks forward with so much force. What the.... Before I can rearrange my thoughts to correct my wrong, a loud yelp Interrupts my focus making me all the more confused. I fearfully step on the brake stopping the car immediately. I wait and listen but there is no sound again. I frown and look around me. What was that? I gulp with my heart palpitating excessively. My breathing is hoarse and as loud as ever as I look around vibrating. I finally switch off the vehicle. "Who... Who's there?!!!" I call out but there is no response. I frown. "Who is that?!!!!!" I yell with fright but there is still no response. "What...." I nervously step down from the car slowly and strain my eyes in the darkness. The street is almost scanty and I can't see a single soul in sight. I frown and turn back to take my phone from the compartment of the vehicle, switching on the torchlight. I flash it around squinting my eyes. I slowly walk towards the front of the vehicle when my eyes catch something. I look down closely to see a thick black liquid slowly making it's way out from the beneath the car. My eyes go wide. Oh s**t!!! What have I done?? Did I break an oil tank? Panic shakes my veins. s**t. Dad's so gonna kill me?!! What do I do? I walk briskly to the front of the car when a horrific sight makes me halt and my eyes go wide. Holy Spirit!!!!! "Oh my God..." I shudder and cover my mouth with my hands nearly dropping my phone, panicking. Fuck!!! I can now see the source of that liquid. It's not oil. It's.... it's blood and...and... It's from a fellow lying helplessly on the road right in front of the car bleeding from the skull. Oh my God!!! I almost scream with fright as I look around me. What have I done?? My lips are trembling excessively. s**t. I rake my fingers through my hair and weep. I have just... I have just killed a man!!! I have just f*****g killed a man!!! Oh god. I grip my hair and weep uncontrollably.......... "Jenna!!! Jenna!!!" A loud voice jolts me from my cocoon of culpability. I jerk up immediately sweating profusely and looking around rapidly. "What the... Are you crying?" A soft voice whispers beside me and I look up slowly to see my colleagues both peering at me like I am a long lost puppy. I sigh and wipe my face. "Shit." I mutter and place my palm against my face. "I fell asleep on duty again, didn't i?" I ask as they nod. I sigh deeply. Great. I chuckle. "I am fine guys. Sorry. I just...I am kinda tired." Harper, my closest partner steps closer. "Are you sure you are okay? You look pale." I chuckle. " I am fine. I...." I bite my lip. "I am good. I just.. had a bad dream...." 'Filled with guilt.' My mind finishes it for me and I exhale deeply. s**t. "You don't look good Jenna. Why don't you take today off?" I scoff and immediately shake my head. I stand. "Nope. I am good, seriously. I am okay. It's fine you guys." I say and walk towards my seat at the coffee stand. Sean, the fellow who woke me up examines me. "You really don't have to put yourself through this much pressure Jenna. You can take a day off if you want, I will cover up for you." I sigh as my phone vibrates in my pocket. I take it out and breathe out seeing it's a message from mom. She is informing me that she won't be able to make it home as she has a lot on her plate at the local pharmacy. I sigh and smile feeling my eyes water. She...she is really going through a lot just for me. She is stressing herself out every single moment all because of me, what gives me the right to relax...? What gives me the heart to..... [It's okay. See you later then ?] I type back and drop my phone wiping my face. I sniff and look up at both Harper and Sean staring at me with a worried expression etched on their faces. I chuckle. "Guys, I am fine. Seriously." I look at my wrist watch. "My shift is almost ended anyway so... " I say and shrug. Harper nods and sighs. I know I am making them so nervous with my constant sleeping and excessive worrisome expression. An expression I have carried for two years now due to the aching severing guilt haunting me. I can't wash it away from my senses. I can't shake it off. It will keep haunting me forever. It will forever remain marred to my soul taking all my goodwill away from me. I force a smile on my face and turn looking over the counter at the early morning costumers chattering as they step into the shop. "I uh... I'll just go attend to them before I step out. " I say with a big smile and Sean nods. Harper just shakes her head and focuses on her work. I blink and glance at Sean staring at me like he wants to eat me. I chuckle. "What?" He shakes his head. "Uh... Nothing. I uh.. I am just.... Worried for you.. that's all. I.... " I walk up to him and place my hand on his shoulder. " You worry alot, all for nothing." I say and walk over to the coffee maker. I know I brought this upon myself and my family. The universe is paying me back for my sins. I caused this all. The death of my father months ago, the misfortune of my family's business.. The never ending suffering of my mom and I. I sigh. There is nothing that can be done. I just have to live through it. This is a curse that only I should bear. A price I have to pay for my atrocity. An atrocity committed two years ago, hunting my very soul for retribution. My alarm bell rings signalling the end of my shift and I glance at Harper. " My time is up." I say and she nods. "Great. Better go make use of your sleeping time effectively. I don't think we would be able to save you from the boss next time you sleep again." She says jokingly and I laugh softly. I walk up to her and hug her. "Thanks." She chuckles. "Don't mention it. Take care of yourself. You deserve that." She says and I smile before making my way to the changing room. Sean comes out of nowhere weilding a tray with two empty cups that where previously filled with coffee. He smiles the moment he sees me and I chuckle. "Hey. Leaving already?" I nod and he drops the tray in the sink. "I'll keep you company. Come on." I raise an eyebrow and chuckle. "Really ? That new." I say and he laughs. "What's new?" " You... I can't remember you ever keeping me company whenever I want to get changed." I say and he laughs. It seems like he has noticed his mistake because the blush is visible on his face. "Shit." He mutters. "My bad. I didn't mean it that way. I was just... Damn it." I chuckle. "It's okay. I get it." It feels so good to tease him a little. I get to the dressing room and open it. I step in while he waits outside it not without giving him a teasing stare. "Don't you dare peep in on me." I say and he flushes. "What ?? No. I wouldn't... Do that..." I laugh and shake my head before shutting the door behind me. Then I sigh deeply raking my fingers backwards through my hair returning back to my saddened state. I bite my lip and lean against the door. I glance at my wrist watch. I still have more than enough time before school resumes. I sigh. I had that dream again. That dream that has been evading my memories and my nights for two years now attacking me with a severe amount of guilt enough to rip a soul apart. I feel my eyes water and take in a deep breath. I brought this upon myself. I don't deserve to be happy.. at all. I am a f*****g manslayer. I blink slowly trying to wipe the tears away from my face. Anyways, I have to move on with my life. It doesn't really have to be all stagnant does it? I immediately take off my work clothes and pick up my personal clothes hanging at a corner of the room with a hanger. I put it on immediately and wipe my face off the tears. I don't want another eternity of consoling from Sean. Man, the fellow is a worrier. I pick up my bag and step out. Sean is still at the door leaning against the wall as he types something into his phone. I frown. He is still here? He looks up at me with a smile. " Hey. You done?" I chuckle and nod. "Yeah." I adjust the handle of my bag against my shoulder. "I will be on my way now." He frowns and examines me. "Your eyes are red. Have you been crying??" s**t. Why the hell does he have to be so annoyingly observant? I chuckle and shake my head. "No. Something got Into my eyes...." " That's an old trick Jenna. You were crying weren't you?" Now I really have the urge to just show him my frustrated side so he will leave me the f**k alone. But I can't bring myself to do it. I know he is just so worried about my well being. That's so kind of him but it's not like he can do anything to take away my misery.... I sigh I deeply.