Scum (Book 2)

102. Burdened

Chey’s POV



After concluding that I’m the only person I can genuinely trust, all the emotions that were flooding into me stopped, and I was able to pull myself together, albeit I can’t just forget how miserable I felt.

Jett is my gamma, so he can feel that I’m not quite myself, but out of respect, he’s not asked me anything, making me think back to Kelvin and Liam.

I swear those two were rarely in sync with one another, which is odd considering that their bond is much older than the one I share with Jett.

“Alpha?” Marissa whispers as she cracks open my bedroom door.

She's been avoiding me since the council members left, which isn't like her, but I have the unique experience of understanding the fear associated with feeling like anything you say will be used against you, thanks to my mother.

“You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me. I’m angry, but not with you.”

“Yes, but you seem unapproachable now.” I pat the side of my mattress, hoping that it doesn’t deflate under our combined weight.

I'll have enough money to buy a proper bed soon though, so even if it does, I'll be okay.

“I’m sure your mate told you what was happening to me, and right now, the only thing I can do is shut everyone out equally. You’re still my friend, and I still care about you, so please don’t treat me any differently, even if instinct is telling you to.” I might as well have just asked the woman to marry me because she hugged me so tightly that my impulse to fight almost kicked in.

“You don’t have to carry your burdens all alone,” she says, making me rethink what I told myself not too long ago. “I don’t know what you feel, but I want to help.”

“Can you start by organizing meetings with our new comrades? I want them to know that I’m not Cornell, but I also want them to understand that…” I pause, not needing to say it because Marissa knows what I mean.

I'm telling her that I have no intention of hurting anyone, but I will absolutely kill anyone if necessary, especially with her due date approaching.

In my mind, her child is my niece, which helps to take away the sting of knowing that I probably won't be able to meet my actual nephew until after I kill Liam.

Emotions aside, we ended up talking about a meet and greet for an hour before Jett came to get Marissa, and by that time, I was so exhausted that I could barely open my eyes.

Tomorrow is going to be a better day for me; a day that I decide not based on my need for revenge by killing, but based on my desire to show everyone who abandoned me that I never needed them to survive.

Liam's POV

“Chey, my love, talk to me."

"Really alpha, I’m fine. I’m just a little tired.” I know this is just a cruel dream, just like I know when my girl is lying, so I nibble the tip of her nose, making her gasp in shock.

The first time I dreamed about finding Cheyenne led to one of the most difficult days I've ever experienced, but now that I know this is what's called 'bond affliction,' I won't allow myself to get too lost in the fantasy, especially since this dream is based on a memory.

"So, we can do everything else, but you can't tell me what's bothering you?" Chey never learned to share her burdens, but I'd been trying to teach her because I wanted her problems to become mine and vice versa.

“I’m just a little confused, that’s all.”

“About?” Cheyenne says nothing, but I don’t stop pestering her until she tells me what I want to know.

“I just don’t know if I’m doing it right.” Thinking back, Chey never really understood what she did to me, and I never got a chance to explain it to her.

She even believed that I could control my release, and I remember her getting really angry when I laughed at her before explaining that I didn't control sh*t.

"Chey, my love… Do I look like I have complaints?" Lifting the blanket, I show the woman my very erect p*nis, and she's immediately aroused again.

Sadly, this is where my dream has to end because the last time I let it get intimate, I woke up thinking she was with me, and it took hours to stop myself from tearing the pack apart to find her. As soon as I was well enough to realize what happened, I broke down, and I couldn't get out of bed for the remainder of the day.

Depressed, I get up, climb into a cold shower, and just stand there thinking about where my mate could be, and who she's with.

"Liam! Where are you?"

"Shower. Why, what's up?" I cut off the water and wrap a towel around my waist, opening my bedroom door to a panicked-looking Royce.

"They took down Chey's image." The only ways to get off the rogue database are to be captured or killed, and for my own sake, I hope it's not the latter.

"When was the update made? Have they reached out? Is she alive?" I'm excited and worried at the same time, making me nauseous.

"Your dad's on the phone with them now. He's trying to arrange for payment." 5k isn't all that much for my father, but I want to thank him properly, so I pull on my clothes and rush to his office, but he isn't alone.

"Mom?" I'm not sure why my mother is here, so I can only assume the worst. "Don't tell me. If she's gone, just lie to me. I don't have to know the truth."

"No Liam, she isn't dead, but the council has no record of her being processed."

"How is that possible? I saw the information on the list myself."

"I don't know, but they said that if we haven't heard anything back within the next few weeks, we should re-upload her information." I don't want to do that to Chey, but this might be the easiest way to find her, even though we all know it's morally wrong.

"In the meantime, you may want to start looking for-"

"Don't." I know what my mother wants, and the answer is no. "I already told you, if it's not Chey, it's no one, and if not having a viable heir is the problem, there's always Jenna and Royce." I mean what I'm saying because I honestly believe that I don't deserve to move on with my life.

I don't even have the desire for s*x, not that I don't dream about it often, but those thoughts are driven by missing my mate, not desire.

"Liam!" Kelvin is shouting over mind-link, probably because he too just noticed Chey's image is gone. "They found her! She's off the list."

"Good for you," I coldly reply. "My father can help you with that." I have had to stop myself from killing Kelvin three times since this whole thing started, but he hasn't even noticed that our bond is about as brittle as clay.

I feel nothing but resentment towards him, and not just because he likes my mate.

"Alpha-"

"Posha, you are forbidden from mind-linking me until you've completed your probationary period. If you violate the rules again, I will report it." The woman is probably trying to brag about her 'idea' working, but it hasn't worked, and the only reason I'm able to feign indifference is because I already know the truth.

Soon enough, Kelvin will also hear that Chey hasn't actually been found. The only difference is that the disappointment won't physically hurt him.

___________

I'd only just gotten to my office when my father mind-linked me about Kelvin's 'weird' interest in Chey’s return.

“He wants her to choose him.”

“Does he have a shot?” If this were just a few months ago, I would be able to answer my father with confidence, but as of right now…

“I don’t know. He was the one who helped her when I was busy being a d*ck, so she may actually go for it.”

“And… You're okay with that?” ‘Okay’ and accepting are two different things, but no matter how I slice it, I can’t just watch my mate and my gamma build a life together, regardless of how much he likes her.

“I’m tolerant because he doesn’t know Chey belongs to me. However, if we get to the point where I have to say something, I will, but for right now, I just want Cheyenne to come home.”

“You do realize that you can’t force her to accept you, right?”

“I know.” I’ve thought about what I’ll need to do in order to get Chey to forgive me, but I really haven’t been able to plan anything.

My only solace is my inability to find the ring I gave her because it means that she took it with her, and hopefully, that means it’s still something she cherishes.

“Liam?” Rolling my eyes, I respond to Kelvin’s link, already knowing what he’s going to say. “Her image was removed, but we haven't heard anything yet. My father will stay on it for me.”

“Whatever you want.” Closing the link, I reach out to my dad again, wondering if his gamma is actually involved in the search.

“It's news to me, but Liam, have you considered that Cheyenne may have two mates? If that's the case, you can’t interfere. It’ll be her choice.” I’ve thought about that every day since I gave Kelvin permission to do whatever he wanted, but I don’t believe she belongs to him because I know what I would do to the person who treated Chey the way I did.

Even now, I still look in the mirror and want to hit myself, but I’ll leave that right to my mate, who may need to hit me in order to feel better.

I remember all the times she jokingly suggested that her mood would be lifted if she could hit someone, so if subjecting myself to her fists is all I need to get her to smile again, I absolutely will.

For whatever reason, those thoughts remind me of Lillian, and by default, Royce, so I mind-link the man, wanting to know how he’s doing for the first time in a long time.

“I’m good bro, but you don’t have to worry about me. You already have enough on your mind.”

“Thank you for being understanding,” I reply, hoping the man knows how deeply I appreciate his help.