Our Roots

Chapter 5

Mia

I sit in silence, watching my kids play at the local Chuck E. Cheese's while my soon to be ex-husband sits across from me. This is our first attempt at co-parenting since we decided to separate six months ago and it's not starting off well.

Torrance showed up here wreaking of alcohol and even though I can tell he's not drunk right now, I know he has been within the past few hours. His once beautiful face now looks aged about ten years and he hasn't shaved since the day he left. He looks like a bum.

If that wasn't bad enough, he's giving me those puppy dog eyes. I realize that he holds me responsible for his downward spiral, but he's a grown man. He should at least be able to pull himself together long enough to spend time with our kids.

"It can't always be like this, Torrance. When are you going to wake up and realize that your kids are getting older every day? You're missing out on their lives."

"I don't want them to see me this way," he replies quietly.

"I understand that, but when are you planning on getting yourself together? It's been six months. It's time to move on and-"

"Stop. Just stop, Mia. You don't understand because you're not the one hurting."

"Oh, I'm not hurting? None of this is hurting me? How would you know-"

"You made me leave! You are the one that wanted it to be over, not me!" he shouts causing the people around us to stare.

I look around at them and hang my head to hide my embarrassment. "Torrance, we can't do this here. Can we please just be adults for the next few hours?"

He sighs. "Fine."

"Have you thought about what I asked you?"

"You were being serious? You really want me to go to your brother's anniversary party with you and pretend everything's okay?"

"I know I'm asking for a lot, but you know my family. I can't let them catch wind of this, especially not right now. My mom is just starting to get better, Ryder and Courtney are so happy, CJ's engaged...it's a happy time for them. I don't want to be a wet blanket."

He continues to stare at me like I'm the most evil person alive to ask such a thing from him. Finally, he clicks his tongue and leans back, crossing his arms over his chest. "What's in it for me?"

My mouth drops. "Are you serious? Why they hell would I owe you anything? I asked you to do this for me to make up for all the s**t you've put me through over the past six months."

"What about me, Mia? I know you're probably the most selfish person alive, but you can't possibly think you're the only one getting put through s**t. You dumped a big pile of s**t on me when you kicked me out and filed for a divorce six months ago. Unfortunately, I'm still not quite over that."

This is how it always turns out for us. No matter what we do or how hard we try, we always end up screaming at each other. I know asking Torrance to come with me to Florida is asking for a lot, but I can't let my family find out about us. At least not for the next couple of months. I've managed to keep quiet about it this long, I'm determined to make it just a little bit longer.

"What do you want in return?" I ask.

"I want one more day with you. Just one. After that, I'll sign the papers and let you move on with your life," he says quickly, like he's been thinking about this for a while.

While spending any amount of time with Torrance, especially a whole day, sounds more horrible than vacationing in Antarctica, I realize I'm going to have to play along if I want him to do this for me. "Fine, just one day. No expectations though."

He nods. "Okay, then it's a deal. When are we leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

He raises a brow. "Tomorrow? You couldn't have given me any more of a heads up than that?"

"You've known about this party for two weeks, Torrance."

"Yeah, but the party is Saturday. It's only Tuesday."

I stand up and start gathering my kid's things together. "I know, but I want to get there early. The kids never get to see Charlie anymore and they've really been missing her. Besides, you and Ryder haven't talked in a couple of years, right? Maybe you two can catch up."

He laughs sarcastically. "Yeah, I'm sure Ryder is going to be thrilled to see me just like he always is."

"Torrance, I'm begging you...please, please, please be on your best behavior. No fighting, no talking about...you know...."

"What about the kids? You're not worried they'll slip up and say something?" he asks.

I look down and fight back the tears now forming in my eyes. "I'll talk to them."

He doesn't say anything for a while so I look up and notice he's watching them play. The look on his face breaks my heart, but for some reason, I can't look away. His eyes meet mine after a while and he does something that he hasn't done in months. He smiles.

"Mia, if I go on this trip with you, I want us to get along. Not just for the kids, but for us too."

I open my mouth to speak, but he cuts me off. "And don't say you'll try. I need more than an effort. I deserve more than an effort."

While I want to scream that he doesn't deserve anything, I bite my tongue in the name of peace. "I'll do everything in my power to get along with you."

****

It's been a long day already and it's only 10am. We woke up early to catch a 6am flight to Orlando so we could arrive as soon as possible. I called my brother last night and told him about our plans to come down a little earlier and his excitement made me excited, despite everything that's going on in my life. I haven't seen him since Christmas.

When I see his smiling face in the distance, I drop my bags and run for him. I leap into his arms and he hugs me tight.

"Peanut, I've missed you so damn much!"

I pull away and kiss his cheek. "I've missed you too, Ry. Where's Charlie and Courtney?"

"Right here," Courtney says, walking up behind Ryder. "Sorry, little bit here had to pee."

"Aunt Mia!" Charlie exclaims, latching onto my leg.

She's the perfect combination of Ryder and Courtney, making her one of the most beautiful children I've ever seen. Her long brown hair frames her perfect porcelain face and her green eyes are like looking into my brother's. "Hey there, beautiful. I've missed you."

"Uncle Ryder!" The twins shout, stampeding towards him.

I smile as I watch Ryder pick one up in each arm and spin them around like little airplanes.

"Where's Gabby?" Courtney asks.

I turn around and see Torrance coming towards us holding Gabby in his arms. She's got her face buried in his chest. "She's being a little bashful this morning," Torrance says.

He's sober, clean and shaved and wearing the happiest smile I've seen on him in a very long time. To everyone else, he probably looks normal. They'd have no idea what a complete mess he's been.

He stops next to me and wraps his free arm around my waist, pulling me close. I notice Gabby's eyes move to her dad's arm wrapped around me and I'm praying she doesn't say anything that would spark any questions.

"Gabby!" Charlie squeals.

Gabby snaps her head around and grins at Charlie. Torrance puts her down and the two embrace each other in a fit of laughter.

"It's like they don't miss a beat even though they're apart for so long," Courtney says as we watch them.

I nod in agreement. I wish we still lived in Florida, closer to Ryder, Courtney and my parents; or even back in Chicago with my brother Logan and his family. Being out in New Jersey all alone has been difficult.

"Is that okay, Mia?" Torrance asks, pulling me out of my daze.

"Huh?"

"Courtney and Ryder drove over in separate vehicles and we thought boys in one car and girls in the other," he says.

"Oh!" I look at Courtney and give her a grateful smile even though she wouldn't have a clue why. "That's perfect. Let's go!"

It's been a long time since I've spent one on one time with my sister-in-law. We were really close for a long time, but after Torrance and I started having problems, I distanced myself more and more from her. Her relationship with my brother makes me envious and even a little bitter. Ryder was the problem child growing up; the trouble maker, the instigator. I was the golden child; the sweet, innocent, always well behaved perfect little princess. It doesn't make sense that he's the one that ended up being so put together as an adult while I'm struggling not to fall apart.

I never thought my brother was capable of falling in love, so when he did, it took me by surprise. Courtney is the exact opposite of the hoochie mamas Ryder used to associate with. She's beautiful, but in a classy, well-rounded kind of way. Some might even view her as plain, but there's something about her that even I find attractive. She's got a genuine soul and Ryder will never have to question her love for him. She'll always give him the best of herself.

It makes me feel like s**t to compare myself to her. I've never loved Torrance the way she loves Ryder. While our relationship was very different in the beginning, it was never smooth like theirs. There was always turbulence of some kind. With Courtney and Ryder, even the turbulent times are smooth because everything she does for him is out of love.

"Are you okay?" she asks after a while.

The girls have fallen asleep in the back seat and I find myself getting drowsy as well. "Just tired. We've been up since 4am."

"Is that all though? It seems like something's bothering you."

I'm tempted to just pour my heart out to her. Courtney wouldn't judge me and she wouldn't go on and on about how selfish and horrible I am. But she'll tell Ryder and he'd do all of those things. "I'm fine."

My parents are waiting for us at Ryder and Courtney's house when we pull in the driveway. I gasp when I see my mom coming towards me.

Courtney looks over at me and gives me a sympathetic smile. "Trust me, she looks a lot better than she did a few weeks ago."

I get out of the car and my mom wraps me in the tightest, warmest hug. I try like hell to hold the tears back, but I feel them coming on strong. "I've missed you, mom," I croak out.

She pulls away and takes me in. "I've missed you too, Mia. You look so gorgeous, just look at you."

Dad comes over and places an arm around her shoulder. "Well, she looks exactly like you, Buttercup. What did you expect?"

I smile, but his words only bring me closer to tears. "I need to use the bathroom," I say quickly. I push past everyone and go into the empty house.

I close and lock the bathroom door before sliding down to the floor and letting the tears fall. How am I supposed to get through this week and pretend that everything is okay when everything is falling apart in my world? Torrance and I are a mess, I'm lying to my entire family and my mom, the one person that's been there for me through thick and thin, she looks so frail.

After a while, there's a knock at the door. "Mia, are you okay?"

It's only Torrance. I pull myself up off the floor and grab a tissue. I clean up my face and run a hand through my hair.

I open the door and Torrance is still standing there. He studies my face for a few seconds, noticing right away that I'm upset. To my surprise, he doesn't ask me why. Instead, he wraps his arms around me and hugs me tightly. My instincts tell me to push him away, but I don't. His body is so warm and familiar. His smell reminds me of the days when our lives weren't quite so complicated. I clench his shirt in my fists and cry out into his chest. He runs his hands up and down my back soothingly, and just holds me.