Fight or Flight

Chapter 5 - Beautiful nightmare

Leah’s POV

Lis came back and placed the glasses on the table and poured us all some wine.

I took a slug ‘So, I went to see Kai. It didn’t go at all how I expected, and I f****d up’ I said honestly. I filled them in on everything that happened.

‘s**t’ was all Lis managed to say as she took a glug of her wine.

Sky didn’t say anything.

‘You knew, didn’t you?’ I asked her.

‘Kind of, I mean, I’m not surprised. It comes with age and experience Leah. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Yes, you f****d up. But he loves you, he’ll get over it, and you won’t make the same mistake again’

I loved how honest she was with me. It was never sugar coated with Sky.

‘That’s for sure’ I sighed ‘Anyway, that’s not the worst of it’

‘There’s more?’

‘Yeah, and I just need to do something quick, if you don’t mind’ I excused myself and went to the lounge.

*I know it’s late. I’m sorry for disturbing you. I just didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else. I had a row with my mum, I’ve moved out. I’m okay, and it will be fine. I just wanted to let you know. If mum calls, tell her you haven’t heard from me. I’m at Lis’s, I don’t know if am staying here – I haven’t asked yet, but I don’t want mum to know where I am just yet. I’ll speak to you about it tomorrow. I love you. Sorry for letting the side down*

I pressed send and took a few minutes before I went back to the patio where the girls were waiting for me expectantly.

‘Ok, so what was that about?’

‘I needed to tell Kai before I told you. We aren’t exactly in the best place, but how bad would it look if I ignored the one thing, he said he was mad about and did it again’.

‘Good point. You did the right thing’

‘Thanks. I wish I could tell him this now too, but it will have to wait til tomorrow’

At that moment, Kai barged through the door breathless ‘Tell me what. Leah What the f**k is going on?’

‘Kai? s**t, did you fly here?’

‘I couldn’t sleep. I was going to call you, then I decided I would just come see you, to sort this out. I hate being mad at you. I got your message when I was already in the car about to leave. Leah, your homeless? What the hell happened?’

‘Homeless? Leah? What is he talking about? You let us waffle on and you’re homeless?’

‘I was distracted, you were both naked!’

‘Naked? What the hell did I miss?’

‘One thing at a time!!!’ I looked between them all staring at me.

‘Can we start with the naked?’

I laughed, I knew he was teasing, but it did seem like the best place to start.

‘I strongly advise you to knock before entering this house. And Sky’s. They hooked up. I saw first-hand’

‘Damn, I missed it’ he pouted and laughed ‘Though seriously guys, I’m happy for you both’.

‘Lis’s family don’t know she’s gay, so please… just keep it to yourself for now. But they just made it official’

‘How exciting. Ok, yes, of course secret safe with me’.

‘I’m going to tell them tomorrow’

‘Really? Lis, you don’t have to do that for me!’

‘Sky, I’m doing it for me, for us. How can we begin to make this work if it’s a secret? They need to know’.

‘Ok, if, you’re sure. If you want me to come with you let me know’.

‘I think I’ll do it on my own. One step at a time’

‘Sure’

‘Anyway, less about this. Leah. Homeless. Please. What happened?’ Lis was always the polite diplomate.

‘Oh yeah. Did I ever mention my mum is a b***h?’

‘Controlling yes, outright b***h not so much’ Sky recollected.

‘Ah, well she stepped it up a gear tonight’ I started to tell them what happened.

‘She thought you were pregnant?’ Sky laughed.

‘I thought she was pregnant’ Kai mused.

‘You thought I was pregnant?’

‘Even my mum thought you were’

‘Really!?’

‘It’s not that difficult to believe. Yes, you are on birth control, but we don’t use anything else. It was always a possibility. And you looked, well, shady coming here all freaking out, pale and stuttering’.

‘Yeah, ok. Point taken. For the record. I’m not pregnant. That I know of!’

‘Don’t joke’.

‘I’m not. But I did just get my period, so we are good on that front!’

‘So then how did you not being pregnant escalate to you moving out?’

‘Ahhhh well….’ I continued with the tale.

‘She called you what?’

‘I repeat; Disrespectful, childish, petulant, indignant, selfish, unruly, spoilt and ungrateful. I don’t think I missed anything out. Oh, she did say I was ruining my life with my career choice, she was disappointed in me, she didn’t support my path in life, and I had a lot of growing up to do’.

‘Jesus. Does she know the same Leah we do?’ Lis asked honestly.

‘apparently not!’ Sky added.

‘Seriously, Leah did she really say all that?’ Kai asked.

‘She didn’t just say it Kai, she meant every word of it. My dad was cringing. But he didn’t really back me up, much. He tried. But he has no choice, he’s married to her. She just went psycho. She was screaming at me by the end. But then, so was I. I flipped’.

‘So, you just packed your stuff and told them you were leaving?’ Kai asked, concern written all over his face.

‘Not quite’ I told them how I left.

‘Wow, so your mum doesn’t even know you left?’ Lis asked.

‘I don’t think so. She may do now; Dad may have told her. But he wouldn’t mention it if she didn’t ask. I doubt she asked. Until she ventures into my room and see’s all my stuff gone, she won’t know. I left her a note’

‘what did it say?’

‘umm, I wrote it in anger, and I was hurt. But I stand by it’. I read a copy of the note I wrote.

*Mother, if you are reading this you will know I have left.

I left solely because of you. You are just too over baring.

You are derogatory, critical, and controlling.

Yet, I work hard, do well in my studies and I am a conscientious, caring, and honest person.

I have done nothing to earn your distaste for me. This is on you.

You treat me like a child, yet I am an adult.

You have no respect for me, and these things work both ways.

If you had it for me, I would have it for you.

I have taken nothing from this room that wasn’t paid for by me or gifted to me.

I have taken nothing you have provided. I am not a thief, so no need to add that to the list of disappointments you hold against me.

I will support and manage myself from now on, despite your disbelief in me.

I don’t need your support, encouragement, or belief, I just wanted it, as a mother to her daughter.

I know that ship has sailed, and I am okay with it now.

I know how you feel. We are clear on that, at least.

Maybe one day, you will be able to see things differently.

But until then, I suggest you leave me be.

I will always love you, but I don’t like you right now.

You don’t deserve me in your life. I won’t have your negativity around me.

Forgiveness is not easy to earn, but I will always allow you to try.

Don’t bother to contact me unless you have something positive to say.

If you come to me with bad feelings, I will never speak to you again.

That’s a promise.

Always your daughter,

Leah *

‘Holy s**t Leah, that’s heavy’ Sky was the first to speak.

They all looked at me and I couldn’t read their expressions.

‘Yeah, I know. I left the birthday card she wrote for my on my 18th birthday with the note. A reminder that at one time, not do long ago, she promised to always support me! Think it was a bit much? I guess she never really meant it’

*Read Authors note here*

‘Wow. That is gonna sting when she reads it, but it needed to be said. She has controlled you your whole life, she has pretended to give you freedom so she can swan round doing her own thing, but that suited her. She has always told you what to do, how to act, what to study and pushed you into certain directions to give you the career choice she wanted for you’ Kai spoke with passion and reverence.

‘Leah, I’ve always liked your folks, they have always accepted me in their home and treated me with respect, but it’s not ever been lost on me that she has held you back. You always had this cheeky adventurous side, but she never allowed you to show it. But I have your back, as does Sky and Lis. You have come into your own. I’m sorry your dad got caught up in this, but he has his own faults. I’m sorry we fell out. I don’t take back what I said, but I love you, I support you and I will always be on your side’.

I threw myself into his arms, I just wanted and needed him to hold me.

‘s**t man, that was the sweetest thing I ever heard’ Lis was swooning.

‘Leah, you know we will do whatever we can for you. Jesus, you are none of those things she said. I’m still shocked that she said them. She can’t believe it, because if she did, she doesn’t know you for s**t’.

‘That’s just it, Sky, she doesn’t know me’

‘So, homeless’ Lis contemplated aloud.

‘I guess’

‘where is your stuff? In your car?’

‘Yeah, that’s why I went to Sky’s, but obviously she wasn’t in, so I came here. I just need a few days to find somewhere’

‘Why didn’t you come to me?’ Kai sounded hurt.

‘Kai, you were mad at me, rightly so! But that’s not why, really. Your mum and mine have become friends. Weirdly. They have nothing in common, but it seems circumstances have bought them together. I need some space. I didn’t want to put her or you in a difficult position by living with you’.

He sighed ‘Yeah. Ok, I get that. I’m glad you messaged me though’.

‘I would never have kept you in the dark. Lesson learnt. But coming here was the right thing to do’.

‘Leah, can me and Lis have 5 minutes?’

‘Of course’

Lis and Sky went inside and after a few minutes the re-emerged on the patio.

‘Okay, we have a proposition for you’ Lis smiled wide.

‘Okay’ I waited with bated breath as to why she was so happy.

‘You are going to live with me. On two conditions’ Lis grinned.

‘Name them’

‘One; if I stay over at Sky’s, I need you to feed the horses in the mornings. We have 6 at the moment. It will take you about an hour just less. I’ll show you the ropes. It won’t be often, and I’ll give you fair warning’.

‘No problem’

‘Leah, you hate mornings!’

‘Kai, I ned a home more, plus, I love the horses, I get to see Red’

‘Okay, second; No need to knock here. But Sky’s, you need to knock or pre warn her of an impromptu visit’.

‘Is that it?’

‘Yep. Welcome home roomie’

‘Wow thanks Lis’

‘Was Sky’s idea. I have more room and you don’t need to be so close to your mum. We can have her place if we need it, but we are all busy, so I doubt we’ll get on each other’s toes. Plus, you’ll be going to Crete in two weeks. And if you don’t, well, then bring on the summer!’

‘Rent? How much do you want for keep?’

She laughed ‘I don’t pay my dad for rent. He signed the cottage over to me fully paid. Just a food shops every now and again, and help keep the place tidy, and I am good’

I threw myself into her arms and cried.

‘Thank you so much’

‘That’s what friends are for’

‘Now I see why you head butted the steering wheel’ Sky laughed.

‘Yeah, like I said. Stressful day and your naked ass just finished me off’ I chuckled.

‘Yeah, ok, can we stop with the naked jokes’ Lis added.

‘You didn’t make it a condition’ Kai joined in.

‘Consider it now a condition’ she stated, and we all started to laugh.