Phases of the Moon

Phases of the Moon

Eight Months ago

Joe's POV:

I feel his fist as he strikes me across the face. This is not the first time this has happened but somehow this time it hurts more. He strikes me again and taste the blood in my mouth. I try to get up but his next blow is so hard that I fall down flat on my stomach. I immediately turn on my side to protect the precious cargo. I smell the pine cleaner I use to clean the floors. Stupid how something so basic comes to me know in this moment. Has it become so normal to me, normal to be beat and humiliated. I try to push myself back up, but he puts his boot on my back and pushes me back down.

"No, stay where you are!"

I feel him kick my stomach and I know there is no hope of the baby surviving that. My soul breaks in that moment, because this child is all that I wanted. I grab my stomach praying that the baby would survive.

He kicks at my stomach again but this time I held out my hands, hoping my arms would absorb most of the impact. When he walks back the pain starts. The pain starts in my back and moves to my stomach. Something breaks in me as I feel moisture between my legs. I immediately know what it is. I move my hand down and when I bring it back up, I see the blood. I start to cry uncontrollably and I force myself up. He pushes me down again, but this time I get up again trying to reach the door, hoping for some form of help.

He strucks me at the back of the head and I go down on all fours. I push myself up again and grab the handle of the door. I stumble outside, and then darkness takes me.

When I wake up again it's with a nurse standing over me. I anxiously grab her hand "The baby, the baby"

She pats my hand "I'll be right back with the doctor"

I watch as she leaves the room and I know already what the news is going to be, but I should have prepared myself for worse.

"Mrs. Gibson, I'm Doctor Frasier. An ambulance brought you in last night with severe injuries. You had unfortunately lost the baby." His eyes turned concerned when he saw me whimper, but then he continue "You're injuries were very severe and the damage from the miscarriage" He stopped again before he continued "I don't think you will be able to conceive again and if by some miracle you do, I doubt you will be able to carry the baby to term." He stood over me with his white coat and statoscope and all I could think of was so this is what the angel of death looks like.

3 Weeks ago:

When I was finally able to leave the hospital, I immediately filed for divorce. The news of my grandfathers death reaching me a couple of days after. I had temporarily moved into a womens shelter, and had stayed there untill the divorce finally came through which was today. I decided to go to just pack up and go to the cabin, sort myself out and decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

I packed up my bags and started toward the car I had bought for myself with the settlement money. When I reach the drivers side door, I felt someone grab my shoulder. As I turn around panic floods my body.

"Mike you're not allowed to be near me"

"Just wait please Joey, I am sobber now, that will never happen again"

I search for help from passing faces but no one wants to get involved. "No, please leave me alone"

He lets go of my shoulder "Where are you going?"

I lock open the door "Just a friends place"

It was the wrong thing to say "It's a man right, you've met someone else"

"No NO its not, it's just a girlfriend"

I watch his face turn red "You lying f*****g w***e, I know it's a man" I watch him as if in slow motion, his hand pulls back and forms a fist and I feel the punch at it strikes me accross the cheek. I push him back and jump into my car, locking the doors as I search for the ignition key. He is still screaming of the sidewalk as I speed off.

The long road to my grandfather's cabin gives me time to calm down, and after a few miles, a certain quiet envelopes me. Finally I can breath. I inhale deeply trying to clear my mind. I absentmindedly switch on the radio and I start to hum with the song. I don't know it well so I feel a little self contious even though I'm alone. The past ten years flashes through my mind and I immediately stop singing, I try to swallow down the lump that had just formed in my throat, but to no avail.

Those familiar feelings start up again. The tightness in my chest, the fear running down my spine and I knew what was coming next. I immediately look for a place where I can stop the car. I pull of to the side and take quick breaths trying to stem the anxiety, but it's not enough, my breathing has already turned heavy and I can feel the panic rising, rising and threatning to overwhelm me.

I try to take off my jacket but I'm not able to do anything in my current state. I fall out of the car and try to get up again but I drop down on my knees in the snow and somehow the cold on my legs calms me a little. I fall completly onto the snow hoping the cold will help in calming my body and mind. I close my eyes and let the world dissapear before me.

I must have passed out for a few seconds, because the next thing I hear is the roaring engine of truck. I jump up and try to walk to my car but the wind from the truck pushes me back a little.

I stare after it, wishing for a moment I was the driver. I watch as the truck rolls down the mountain pass on it's way to who knows where. I pull myself together and get back into the car, finally able to drive again.

I start driving towards the cabin once more, hoping to reach it before night fall.

Hours later and already dark, I turn off the road that would lead me to the cabin. As I drive through the thick trees, I can barely make out anything to the side of me. I feel a little scared because this would be the first time I would be alone at the Cabin. Usually my grandfather would be waiting for me. A tear runs down my cheek thinking of him.

As the cabin comes into view I am relieved, the lights from the car lights the cabin and for a second I thought I saw my grandfather sitting on the porch. My chest grows tight again but this time it's because of suppressed sadness.

I stop the car and I catch a reflection of myself in the cars mirror and I see the big black bruise left on my cheek start to form. I immediately look away before I get caught up in my fractured mind again.

I walk towards the dark cabin and search for the key in my pocket. I open the cabin and it smells a little mouldy but also it smells familiar. I try the lights and I immediately know I was going to have to phone the power company to get the lights switched on again. I would have to do it soon and get some supplies because soon I would be snowed in. At least we, I mean I had a generator. I was going to have to adjust my thinking, I was all alone now. I gave myself a mental shake and moved on.

I knew where the candles were kept so I moved in the dark to where it was. I lit one and then went to get my bags. There was no way I was going to start the generator in the dark.

I will sort everything out tomorrow for tonight I just needed some rest. A lot of rest. I move to my grandfathers room and I lie down on his bed. I hear the river outside and I let it lull me to sleep.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow.