Love Will Break Us Apart, Yet Again

Chapter 1: Then

As I was looking down the busy street of Espana Manila from the rooftop of Mist building, I couldn't help but think of the word suicide.

Tonight, it's just the moon. No twinkling stars. It's cold out here but I don't mind.

No. Not me. Mahal ko pa ang buhay ko para magpakamatay.

The rooftop's too ghost-quite except the blur sound of honking cars below.

My elbows leaned on the railings that was just above my stomach and I straightened both my legs as they felt sore from standing while the breeze calmed my nerves as it played my messy long black hair.

While I look down below me, my school id hanged on my neck, dangling like it wanted to break free from me. I removed it from my head and looked at my profile.

Hara T. Vuendia

School of Humanities and Social Science, Grade 12

University of Espania, Manila

The irony of my expression in my ID picture seemed laughable. I was very happy to finally be independent from my parents and this picture should be the remembrance of it but that stupid cameraman didn't caught the perfect smile I displayed. Instead, it was a dumb boring look he got. And it cannot be replaced until you lost it.

So I felt like throwing this stupid ID to the ground but I'll spend money again just to have a replacement and my earnings for this month is almost gone.

I put my id on my jeans back pocket as I returned my gaze down the noisy street.

This is my usual favorite spot in this hellhole city. Our apartment's rooftoop.

Rooftops, my therapy when I'm mad, sad or just had another f**k day. How it easily made me feel better just by gazing at the small world beneath me and the beautiful night sky above me.

Sinusubukan kong hulaan ilan na kaya ang tumalon sa gusaling ito? Are their reasons even worth dying for? Or is it just that there are no left reason to be living for.

How would it feel to fall from here?

Do they even think while they were falling, "Oh crap, what would my body look like when I kiss the hard ground. "

Did they even regret doing it.

Nah.I guess we can't ask the dead.

Well, I never came to a time that I didn't even need to question suicide and that's just it. No other solutions. Of course, I also considered it during the pasts that I was totally f****d up but the only suicidal level I've passed through was just thinking how I could die pain free but never turning it into reality. Shallow, right?

But I'm glad I never met yet that certain reason I won't even doubt of killing myself, you'll just find me somewhere--and dead.

However, earlier , I think I might just have tried to jump this building, only because I was f*****g irritated at our relatives. It was supposedly a funeral of my cousin, Yuri Madrigal, then some insensitive relatives kept talking about how she died. It was so freakin' disrespectful and I was forced to listen to it as I was just on their back.

Goddammit she's on her last day to be seen by her family--cold and body dislocated, just sewn by threads and yet people are so much more concerned with gossips. If it wasn't just my respect for my cousin's funeral, I would've b***h them out.

My thoughts kept wandering about everything that had just happened.

I didn't know that the one time I'm going to visit my hometown in Batangas this year is because of a death. Not because I miss my family or what.

And now I'm back again in this city to study. However I can not concentrate for the burden that I feel. I kept blaming myself for what happened to Yuri.

If only....

I wiped the last fresh tears in my cheeks I didn't knew escaped from my eyes. But then suddenly the door to the rooftop was kicked open. A tall tan guy barefooted, wearing shorts and a tight white shirt it showed his biceps , gripping his fist hard stormed out from the door, walked in big strides and directly punched the stone-hard railing in his front that the vibration of his hand meeting the metal came through my arms leaning in the railings. I don't know if I should feel sorry for the railings or his hand.

That must've hurt so damn good because I saw how a tinge of regret made him shut his eyes in pain. I think I might try sometimes to punch something to pent up my anger.

The cold night that was already cold turned ice in his presence. A defeated sigh immediately escaped from me.

I still wanna stay under this aesthetic moonlit sky.

I was on the right side far away from the door, he wouldn't see me if he doesn't turn to his right, or he just didn't see me because of his anger towards something.

The frustrated way he kicked one of the innocent monoblack chairs just near him didn't escape my peripheral view. I was trying to sense this stranger. He seems to be years older than me. It didn't help that I am a woman despite being just in the same height as him or even learning some basic defense mechanism. Still, he's a man and it's already dark. I wouldn't want to be found dead on my favorite spot on earth.

He rests his hand on his waist. He has a lean body that bulged in his tight shirt and every time he moved, muscles formed in his upper body parts.

Someone's mad and just like me, needed some place to let it all out, alone. Unfortunately for him, I came here first and I would never give up my haven. I had some s**t also and this rooftop is my heaven even though my room is just beneath this ground.

I never saw his face around here. Nakatira din ba siya rito sa building na 'to?

I returned my view down the busy city. If we wanna have time alone in each other's space, we shouldn't mind each other's business. I came here to have a peace of mind, like always.

Subalit ang atensyon nito ay tila napunta sa akin sapagkat naramdaman ko ang mata nito sa aking gawi.

I just need one thing and it always fails to be granted.

I didn't turn to look at him. Peace doesn't include conversations for me. I need complete silence now.

"I'm sorry. " A deep hard manly voice suddenly broke the serenity of my thoughts.

The moment those controlled voice reach my hearing, I didn't know my heart would be gripped so hard again for the second time today it actually hurts. I wasn't aware such a man's voice would sound like a singer who just lost his talent. Before I knew it, I was curious.

"But can you just move a little farther away from the railings, it's ahm, it's seriously makin' me nervous."

Wait, what?

This time I literally faced him out of shock. Napansin ko na hindi na galit ang kanyang mukha at ang mga paa at kamay nito'y hindi mapakali. He's rigid just because I'm leaning in the railings.

And as I look at how he slowly step closer to me, I almost laughed. Did he just thought I'm going to jump here?

When we were at least two meters apart, I clearly saw his whole physical profile. He had this messy brown hair that was probably brush out of frustration a thousand times I feel sorry for it. Yeah, he's one of the guys that even mess was completely displayed on their face, they still look nice and cool and hot.

His plain white shirt made him appear clean and professional but the loose boxers he's wearing destroyed his professionalism. I was lucky not to even show an obvious shock because he's wearing just a boxer which I thought was at least shorts. Yet it was hot and I actually glance down to check on his uh yeah, size. Yeah perverted thought I got. But I couldn't help it. It was like a natural response to the stimuli which is him wearing just a boxer. But I did make it quick like I was just bowing my head while secretly glancing to his uhhh to his you know. Unfortunately, his boxer is so loose I can't seem to know-

Shit. I sensed how his muscle on his forehead met at the middle with his eyes that seems confused. He seems to have noticed me looking. I immediately returned my eyes to him only to see his thin natural red lips formed a grin. His little eyes were kinda smiling because as his lips widen a grin, his eyes being erased into a thin curved line. How cute.

"I-I won't fall. And I don't plan to." I dismissed my stupid thoughts and focused on the situation right now . s**t, how could I explain why I'm looking at his d**k. Wtf.

I didn't notice how the moonlight complemented his ocean blue eyes in the dark . It was like, a glowing something in the dark that drawns anyone who would look at it. And I'm no exception. In fact, those were the same eyes that if ever I'll be incarnated, I wish to have them.

"Okay. Okay. But please, j-just move away from the railings." He almost pleaded seriously had he not bit his lower lip knowing I was looking down in his boxer shorts. I notice how thin his lips are, pursed like a straight line. He's fighting a smile which means he knew I was checking him out. It seems he forgotten his problem when he saw me and assumed I am taking my own life. Wow.

I began to move just meters away and I sat in one of the three monoblack chairs scattered in the rooftop he didn't kick to the other side of the rooftop.

A figure on my back gracefully moved. He suddenly imitated my actions and sat in the monoblack chair just a meter away from mine.

I wanted silence but this awkward silence is not helping either.

"Heartbreak..." I tried to question him. But it echoed in the area like a statement. If he would not choose to leave me alone in those calming side of the rooftop he thought I might fall, well, he could atleast entertain me with his own problem.

I'm still edgy of how he sounded earlier when he spoke. It was almost like he was literally apologizing to me not to someone he knew or what. But maybe it was just my mind fooling me.

He stared at my direction. And I was debating if I would respond maybe to his game of staring. But then he honestly spoke.

" Yeah. You?" He still didn't remove his eyes on my face. It still made me jealous how he had those stunning iris while I had a boring black one. If we could just exchange eyeballs. Damn.

His counterasking question made me turn to look at him again. People always say I look b***h with my naturally hard angled eyebrows. My curved thin lips that appealed to them like I was mad the whole time since I was born. It didn't occur to me that he'd even notice I was sad. Well, maybe he just saw me near the railings and assumed I had a problem. Nice. Classic reasoning.

"Nah I'm just stressed. Is it a girl then?" Cause who woudn't assume like it.

This time, the silence spoke. It was my turn to stare at him staring at the sky. I always thought how it was unfair how I easily can tell anyone's pained face while everyone never noticed mine. But this guy beside me, he was the first to sense what was never shown in my facial expressions.

He met my gaze as he murmured, "I also love rooftops. Can I come here often?"

There, in silence, I accepted his staring game challenge.

"Why not, this building isn't mine anyway. Are you knew here? "

I was touched but I didn't want it shown. I don't want this stranger having the pleasure of knowing he was the only one to see through me.

"Yeah, just some kilometers from here. Another building but it doesn't have rooftop. " He nods as removed his ocean blue eyes from mine I was actually disappointed. But I like how he also likes rooftops.

I stared at the darkness in front of me then suddenly I heard his voice again. Too hurt to even talk but he pursued it anyway.

"It's a girl, yes. " I know there's more to it. His grim expressions openly showed hints. This is my first time some stranger would share me his problems. But if it did made him feel better, I know I'm not that selfish to lend an ear.

"But the thread of our memories split into void,

the metal-hard relationship we had, had melted....."

Veins in his face came out as he tried hard to tell in metaphors that they're relationship floated into oblivion. I could sense how he struggled with every words.

"..... the waves that was supposed to come back to the shore

never did, and what's more painful than the fate that intertwined us,

was the one who severed the ties between us..."

"Yeah, pain was it. Pain was her. But fault was mine. It was my. "

Wow. It sounds poetic. How I love poems. But maybe we're all poets when we're broken. I guess he is not an exception to that principle but I love how this stranger beside me easily said it. Like hell, hours be gone and I can't even wrote a satisfying poem. But I love them anyway. I just hate making my own.

"You want to know a naked truth? " He suddenly asked that I was in awe with his choice of words. I can't help but voice out my thoughts.

"Naked truths, huh? I love how you put it that way. Go on, please, enlighten me."

" I killed her. " I was suddenly alarmed. Thoughts wandered in horror scenes and I wasn't aware I was hugging my knees as I was seated in the chair because I instantly stretched them out to wear my slippers, rush of blood gathered in my face, reality shot through my nerves as his words echoed behind my mind. The darkness added to my terror. What ifs played in my mind as I stayed stuck on my seat unable to move. Curses were nonchalantly made, the cold breeze suddenly felt colder, hairs stood in my nape as my iris hurt to see him in my peripheral view.

Suddenly, I heard him chuckled and then I wasn't still convinced. Like hell am I gonna be. I don't wanna die a painful death, no f*****g way. Of course who would like to die an agonizing death.

"I'm sorry. Don- don't panic. I was saying I caused her pain."

Hi eyes were smiling, again. And s**t as my thoughts suddenly told me he has contagious laughs, really after just being wrecked by what crazy s**t he just announced. He was still trying hard not to laugh. But he suddenly gave in and soflty punching his right leg, he burst out into laughters. And that where my heart calmed down from actually coming out of my chest.

"You're f*****g crazy." I muttered as I can't help but be a laughing stock.

"I meant, hahaha I meant it was my fault we separated. Had you not took up Creative Writing in Senior High? Wait , you're still high school, aren't you? What strand?"

"Yeah, currently on my last year in hell high school, I'm actually in Humss but I hate poetries and writings and stuffs. My mind really like goes blank in front of essays. "

" Why? Is it that bad? Writing's like a whole new universe, a therapy even if you could just put your chaotic thoughts in a paper." He seems amused with my dumbness in constructing something into a paragraph.

"Let's not talk about how stupid I am in creativity or literature or writing and stuff. So how did you break your own heart by breaking your lovers'? "

"Nah, that'd be two naked truths in one row. Come on, it's your turn also."

"What? My turn for what? "

"Tell me a naked truth, also, so that I wouldn't feel like the worst person in the world. What experiences you had that's so unforgiving."

I looked at him. I decided to keep things to myself like I always do. But I remember how he openly shared something so heartbreaking earlier and it would feel really unfair if I would lie in this truth game.

Anyway, it isn't guaranteed if we would even meet again.

" I-I feel like I was one of the reason my cousin Yuri ended her life. Like I was one of the people who let her feel pain all alone by herself. "

"I'm sorry. " He said in what feels like a whisper had it not been just the two of us in the rooftop.

"No, don't be."

"Can I ask why?" He turned to look at the moonlit sky and I can't help but be mesmerized by his pretty face.

"Her boyfriend left her. She was depressed and even more when she found out she was pregnant with his baby. But her f*****g boyfriend didn't want them. Maybe she couldn't take pain. She never told me. And I never notice how unalive she is recently in our chats. I never knew her pain. If only she reach out to me. Why the f**k does she needs to kill herself? But it was too late and all was left was the guilt. "

"I'm sorry, for the third time. " He stared right through my face and I could sense his comforting eyes.

"No. It's not like its your fault. " I smiled at him, my sweetest to let him know I got this.

"Some times there are no next times. And I know your cousin knew how much you cared for her. "

"Yeah. Anyway, let's not be sad today I'm so done with it! I might be depressed. " An awkward laugh came out my mouth.

"Your turn, I feel like the worst sinner here. C'mon top it out! What recently unbelievable thoughts you got there. "

"I want to undress you here and now." He looked at me in the eye while I was so stunned at his response.

"What? I'm a guy and your a beautiful girl. " He defended like what he just said was some normal thing to voice out. But I was kind of amused. What an honest guy. He didn't even mask of his pervertness.

I stood and move to him in his front view.

"Do it."

"What? Wait, what are you doing?"

"I'm fulfilling your perverted request."

"What? I thought that we are just revealing some naked truth?"

"Well, now we aren't because after this you have to grant mine too. "

He looked at me to see if I'm joking. I displayed my usual serious face.

I saw how his hand trembled to even lift a finger. I admired his respect but I was open for dares. And one thing I know since this guy came out the door, he wasn't that kind of person to f**k a stranger after just being broken by his girl. So here I am trying to tease him. I moved closer to him until his mouth was literally parallel to my waist I could feel his ragged breath in the thin shirt I was wearing.

He was still thinking, maybe if I was crazy or not so I initiated to pull my shirt over my head until I was left with my bra and my jeans.

The cold wind welcomed my bare upper body. Both his hand, unmoving still rested on my waist as he looked up to my eyes. He wasn't even looking at my breast. Wow, I found a gentlemen or is he?

The vibration of a cellphone ringing cut the intensity of the moment. He stood and walk to the other side to answer his phone.

I watch him as he look so serious all of a sudden. He put his phone in his pocket and turned to me with regret visible in his eyes.

I immediately pulled my shirt back because I knew something's up.

"I-something came up. My parents are leaving and I'm driving them to the airport. " He exhaled what seemed like a breathe he's still holding earlier.

"I-I need to...to go. I'm sorry. You still wanna stay here?"

"Yeah... I still want to continue my-

"On a second thought, I decided to come down together. I would not be at ease knowing you might take your own life here." He sound so concerned. Does he really think I am going to jump here.

"Seriously, we're still on that? I'm not gonna jump to my death, really. Suicide was never on my list of dumb-ways-to-die."

He just stared at me not reacting at my joke.

"Okay I'll come down in one condition. We won't be asking each other's name."

I already sensed him earlier wanting to ask my name before he leaves. And I don't know but I don't want us getting so much acquainted. Something about him screams I should never get close to him after hearing his story.

He hesitated with my request. He directed his eyes on the railings and to me. God, he really believes I'll jump once he's out the vicinity.

"Why would you don't want us to at least know each others' name? Can you just get back at me with a perverted request? You said you'd-

"No. That won't do. If ever we do meet again, expect that already. So come on, decide, its getting dark. You don't wanna miss your mommy and daddy." I smirked at him.

"Okay. I think that would be better. Staying strangers still after what had just happened would be the best choice. But how do I refer to you if not your name?"

"Just miss, hey or whatever suits you is just fine."

"Okay, milady, after you."

I almost laughed at how he good he mimicked an old Englishman.

However, his jokes didn't reach through his eyes. Maybe he was still sad with his relationship with his girl or he's sad 'cause we couldn't get each other's name. I prefer the latter though.

"Anyway, I......I mean, do.....do you just go and strip in front of some guy you don't know or are you normal?"

What the f**k. I swear he's the best gentlemen and funny guy I've ever met.

"Nah I was just teasing you. I know you won't touch me though. You're loyal, right?"

His eyes flashed an astounded and more like shocked expression. I still want to gauge those eyes out and transfer it to mine.

"It was nice meeting you. I hope you forgive yourself as time pass by. "

"Yeah. You too. And I don't know what to wish for you, heal or reunite with your girl? "

"I don't know either. "

I didn't know but I was glad at his response.

We silently head downstairs.

I was on my apartment door. And we already bid our goodbyes, he already left. I'm alone again. But then suddenly I heard a shout echoing in the hallways.

"I'M WEYN! WEYN CARLOS GEUVARRA!!!"

"HOLY f*****g s**t. YOU ASSWHOLE! I SAID NO-"

Then he shouted another sentence that made me roll my eyes while cursing him to hell.

"GET YOUR ID HERE AT THE FRONT OF THE ELEVATOR OR DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE IT AS A REMEMBRANCE, HARA T. VUENDIA?"

Before the neurons could even command my self, my hands already raked my butt to find my ID on my pocket and it was just as he said. A quick alternate sound of harsh steps tapping on the tiles echoed in the hallways I didn't care if I slip onto the slippy ground.

Breathing was out of the question as of the moment. And sin was made again for I cussed in my mind as I tried to run faster to catch him.

Fuck remembrance, that was my f*****g id. How could I enter the school tomorrow without it. The irony of it. I was just wishing earlier to lose my ID and now that I may lose it, I'm like running for my own life.

When I reach the elevator, it was already closed. Panic shot through me like a bullet and my legs felt noodles as I fall to the ground. But then, I saw the familiar blue strap of my ID just laid in the front floor of the elevator large metal doors. And my heart was dug out from the grave.

That shitty asswhole.

So there, we ended up knowing each others' name. How tragic.

[Author's Note: Come on, guys. Scrutinize my writing for my improvement! I'd like to ask a vote also. Thank you!]