9 A Dream Or A Memory?
1524 Words
Nathaniel's POV
I kissed her soft lips again. She tasted like strawberries. She smelled like strawberries. I loved that about her.
She smiled against my lips, making my heart skip a beat. I loved when she smiled. No, I adored it. All I ever wanted to do was make her happy. All I ever wanted to do is make her smile.
"We need to get up, Nate," she mumbled against my lips.
That wasn't happening anytime soon. I was planning on spending a whole day in bed with my girlfriend. I was planning on kissing each and every part of her body. I was planning on smelling that strawberry scent until I fell asleep again.
"No," I mumbled as I lowered my lips to her neck. "We are staying here."
She chuckled and placed her hand on the back of my neck. She squeezed it gently and ran her fingers through my hair. I loved when she did that. I always begged her to do that. It was a reminder of the moment I knew that she felt the same about me as I did about her.
We were still in high school and we were studying in the library. I asked her to rub my neck because it was sore from football practice. She placed her hand on the back of my neck and squeezed it gently a few times. As she was reading, she absentmindedly started to run her fingers through my hair. My neck magically stopped hurting and my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. I don't know how, but at that moment I knew that she liked me as much as I liked her.
Haley chuckled again and lifted her head a little so I would get better access to her neck. I smirked. I knew that I would talk her into staying in bed if I started to kiss her neck. She loved it.
I pressed her closer to me and gently sucked on the side of her neck. She moaned quietly, making me smile.
"Nate…," she mumbled, pressing her body closer to mine.
"God, I love you, Haley," I mumbled as I ran my hands down her body. "I love you so f*****g much."
I lifted her leg and wrapped it around my waist.
"I love you too, Nate," she said softly. "I will always love you."
My heart skipped a million beats and I lifted my head to look at her beautiful face.
She smiled and pressed her lips against mine again. I was in heaven and I never wanted to leave. She was my heaven. She was my home.
I woke up with a startle.
I was panting hard and I had a feeling that something was sitting on my chest.
I could still feel her in my arms. I could still taste the strawberries on my tongue.
What the f**k?!
Why the f**k was I dreaming about her?! Why the f**k was I kissing her in my dream?! Why did I tell her that I loved her?!
Unless it wasn't a dream. Unless it was a…
No. f**k no.
It wasn't a memory. It was a dream. Only a dream.
I grabbed my phone and checked the time. It was 8:07 a.m. I was supposed to pick my mom up at 9 a.m. and go to that stupid appointment.
I groaned and threw the blanket off my body.
My eyes fell on the divorce papers and her letter on my nightstand.
I still didn't sign the divorce papers, but I would. I would sign them today.
There was a knock on my bedroom door.
"Come in," I mumbled as I stood up and stretched.
The door opened and my mom walked inside. I furrowed my eyebrows. What the hell was she doing here?
"I'm making sure that you get to your appointment," my mom said even before I could get the question out.
I sighed, making her narrow her eyes at me.
"I am not taking any chances," she said sternly. "You are going to the appointment. Hurry up and get dressed."
I sat on the bed. I gritted my teeth. I didn't want to go to the appointment. My head felt like someone was drilling holes into it. There was a weird feeling in my chest and stomach. I wasn't in the mood. I didn't want to listen to the doctor and her advice on how to remember something that never f*****g happened.
My mom rolled her eyes at me. "Do not piss me off, Nathaniel."
"Why do you care, Mom?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at her. "She is no one."
My mom studied my face for a few moments before she sighed quietly and sat down on the bed next to me. She took my hand in hers and gave me a small smile.
"Haley was everything to you, Nate," my mom said softly. "She was your world and you loved her endlessly. You still do. I am sure of it."
My mom raised her hand and moved a strand of hair from my forehead.
"You suffered when your dad and I split up," my mom continued. "You were angry and resentful and in a lot of pain. You would get into fights at school and I didn't know what to do and how to help you."
I remembered that. I didn't take it well when my dad left.
"But then you met Haley and everything changed," my mom said as a small smile spread across her face. "She was your best friend and she was the only one who knew how to take that anger and pain away. I don't know how or why, but she did. I never believed in soulmates, but I am sure that she is yours."
I tried to gulp the lump in my throat. My heart was racing impossibly fast.
"I care because you were happy with her, Nate," my mom said softly. "I care because she is a wonderful person who loves you with every part of her heart and soul. I care because I want you to be loved like that. I want you to be happy, and she made you happy."
The lump in my throat grew. My stomach felt like an endless pit of nervousness.
"She is okay, you know," my mom added. "She checked into a motel and she is looking for a job. She is safe."
My heart skipped a beat. What motel? Where?
Why did I even care?
"I don't care," I mumbled the words I already knew by heart. "She isn't my wife anymore."
That was a lie. She was still my wife, but she wouldn't be soon. I would sign the divorce papers soon.
My mom smiled and caressed my cheek.
"You will care when you remember," she said softly. "You will want to know where she is. You will want to know if she is okay and safe."
A sharp pain spread through my chest. I remembered the words in her letter:
Now I am hoping that you won't remember. I know how much you loved me and I know how much it will hurt if you do remember. I don't want you to be in pain. I don't want you to be sad and hurt.
"She doesn't want me to remember," I said, trying to speak with a huge lump in my throat. "She realized that there is nothing for me to remember."
There was nothing for me to remember!
My mom sighed and glanced at my nightstand.
"She is trying to protect you," my mom said. "She is trying to protect herself."
I gritted my teeth. My mom looked back at me.
"Did you sign the divorce papers?" she asked, making me nervous.
I knew what she would say if I told her that I didn't. But I couldn't lie to her either. She knew that the papers would be on my nightstand if they were signed.
So I did the only thing that made sense. I stayed silent.
My mom smiled and patted my cheek lightly.
"The old Nate is stopping you," she said. "He is still somewhere inside you. He remembers everything."
I cleared my throat and tightened my jaw.
"Nothing is stopping me," I mumbled. "I will sign them tonight."
My mom sighed and gave me another small smile. This time I saw sadness in her eyes.
"Go get dressed," she said as she let my hand go and stood up. "We will be late."
I watched as my mom walked out of my room.
I tried to take a deep breath, but it felt like a hand was squeezing my lungs, stopping the air from coming in. My legs felt like jello. My palms were sweaty.
I looked down at the letter on my nightstand.
"I love you too, Nate," I remembered her words from my memory. "I will always love you."
No!
Not a memory! A dream! It was a f*****g dream!
I gritted my teeth and stood up. I rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door shut.
Where are you, Haley?
- Writer
