7 Why Am I Not Happy?
1674 Words
Nathaniel’s POV
Nobody spoke to me on my way to work. Nobody spoke to me when I entered the building. Nobody spoke to me when I entered the office. My secretary got one look at my face and hid behind the counter.
I was wearing my emotions on my sleeve and it wasn’t hard to figure out how angry I was.
I entered my office and slammed the door shut. I walked toward one of the huge glass windows that overlooked the city.
Where are you, Haley?
She left?! She signed the divorce papers and left?!
It was perfect. I wanted her to leave for a while now. I wanted her to ask for a divorce and leave.
Why wasn’t I happy then? Why didn’t I sign the divorce papers immediately? Why did I throw them on the table in her room? Why the f**k did I storm out of there like my f*****g ass was on fire? Why wasn’t I f*****g happy?!
I kept gritting my teeth and I was so f*****g close to breaking them. My head felt like it was going to explode. The anger I felt didn’t help at all. It was only fuel to the pain I felt.
Why wasn’t I happy?!
I heard my office door opening. I knew who it was, but I didn’t turn around.
“We have a meeting in 30 minutes, Nathaniel,” my father said. “Is the presentation ready?”
I didn’t give a s**t about the presentation. I wanted to slam my fist through the glass window and scream.
Why the f**k wasn’t I happy?!
“Nathaniel?” my father called me when I didn’t respond.
“It’s ready, but I am not going,” I said, not even recognizing my own voice. “You can handle it.”
The meeting wasn’t even that important. We were buying a small publishing company from New York. It was the first step to expanding our company outside of Illinois. They would sell because they knew that they had no other choice. They would soon be in debt they wouldn’t be able to get out of. The meeting was just a formality.
“What the hell do you mean?” my father asked angrily. “They are here to talk to the CEO, not me.”
I clenched my fists and closed my eyes.
“Well, you is all they will get,” I said, trying to contain my anger.
My father was quiet for a second.
“What’s wrong, Nathaniel?” he asked, making me sigh.
I turned around. His eyes widened as he got a good look at my pissed-off face.
“Haley left,” I said as I walked to my desk and sat down on my chair.
A huge smile spread across my father’s face. His happiness was bugging the hell out of me. Why couldn't I be as happy as he was?
“That’s great news!” he exclaimed before furrowing his eyebrows. “Why are you so angry then?”
It wasn’t great news. It should have been, but it wasn’t.
And I had no f*****g idea why.
“Didn’t she sign the divorce papers?” my father asked. “Did the b***h try to take something from us?”
I saw f*****g red. I really wanted to punch him.
“No,” I said, gritting my teeth. “She doesn’t want anything.”
My father smiled again as he sat down on the chair opposite my desk.
“Why are you so angry then?” he asked as he fixed his tie. “We have been waiting for this for a year.”
He was right. I was waiting for Haley to leave me for a year now. I was willing to give her a chance after my accident. I was sure that there had to be a good reason for me to marry her and I wanted to remember it. My father kept insisting that I married her only because it was good for my public image. That was also the reason I didn’t file for divorce. My father said that it would ruin our public image and that I had to wait for Haley to leave me. My father did the same with my mother. He waited for her to make the first move and then he played the part of a grieving man in the media. It was a business tactic and he wanted me to do the same.
I wasn’t going to talk to him about it. I wasn’t even sure why was I feeling angry. I wasn’t sure of anything at the moment.
“You should start talking to Lidia about your wedding,” my father continued. “Where are the divorce papers? Did you give them to our lawyer?”
I didn’t even sign them.
“You will be late for the meeting, Father,” I said as I glanced at the clock on the wall behind him.
He still had 20 minutes until the meeting, but I wanted him out of my office.
“Nathaniel…,” he spoke, but I interrupted him immediately.
“The meeting, Father,” I said sternly.
He narrowed his eyes at me and looked me up and down.
“I still have time,” he said. “Why didn’t you answer my question?”
I tightened my jaw. His eyes were studying me very carefully.
“You need to prepare,” I said, trying to remain calm. “You can’t just show up a few minutes before the meeting.”
“Did you sign the divorce papers, Nathaniel?” my father asked sternly.
I ignored his question. I kept my eyes on his, gritting my teeth constantly.
“You will be late for the meeting, Father,” I said after a few moments of silence. “You don’t want to make a bad impression.”
My father stood up and fixed his tie again. He kept his eyes on mine the entire time. He looked pissed off.
“Sign the papers, Nathaniel,” he said coldly. “You need to be free of that woman as soon as possible.”
I gulped but stayed silent.
“I will call Lidia’s father so we can make arrangements,” my father continued. “You need to marry her as soon as possible.”
My stomach turned and a shiver went down my spine. I stayed silent. I didn’t know what to say to him.
My father looked me up and down again before he turned around and left my office.
As soon as my father closed the door behind him, I took a deep breath and released it slowly. I leaned back in my chair and stared at the ceiling.
I would marry Lidia, of course I would. I wanted that for a year now. It would be good for my public image and my business. She would be a good wife and we would be happy together.
Why couldn't I stop my stomach from spinning like a washing machine on a spin cycle then? Why wasn’t I happy?
My phone rang, making me grunt and lean forward. I looked at the screen and sighed. It was my mom.
“What, Mom?” I said as I picked up the call and put it on speaker.
“How are you, honey?” my mom asked, her voice laced with sadness.
She knew that Haley left.
“I am very f*****g happy, Mom,” I said, gritting my teeth. “I am finally a free man.”
My mom sighed quietly.
“Nate, honey, please don’t give up,” my mom said. “You need to remember her. You need to go get her back.”
I glanced at the phone and resisted the urge to throw it against the wall. I chuckled darkly instead.
“Why?” I asked. “I wanted to divorce her for a year now. I am not getting her back.”
Something tugged at my chest. I imagined myself kissing her. I imagined her soft lips pressing against mine. I imagined her smiling at me and my heart skipped a beat.
No.
Fuck no. That never happened. That would never happen.
“I rescheduled your appointment with your neurologist,” my mom said. “It is in two days. I will go with you.”
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers.
“I am not going, Mom,” I said.
My mom was silent for a few moments. I could only hear her steady breaths.
“She is okay,” my mom said after a few moments.
I furrowed my eyebrows.
“She landed safely and she is okay,” my mom added, making my heart skip a beat.
I turned to look through the window again. She landed somewhere? She wasn’t in Chicago anymore? Where was she?
I gritted my teeth and narrowed my eyes.
“I don’t care, Mom,” I mumbled angrily.
“The old Nate does and he is still somewhere inside you,” my mom said softly. “Pick me up on Thursday at 9 a.m. I will go with you to the exam.”
My mom didn’t wait for me to tell her that I won’t be going. She hung up before I could answer.
I grunted and buried my head into my hands.
I was so f*****g confused. Why didn’t it make me happy that she left? Why wasn’t I ecstatic to marry Lidia? Why was I so f*****g angry? Why did I want to know where she landed?
My head was killing me. It felt like it was being split in two.
I grunted and pressed a dial button on my office telephone.
“Yes, Mr. Sinclair?” my secretary answered immediately.
“Get me a Tylenol and a glass of water,” I mumbled.
“Yes, Sir,” my secretary said.
I leaned back in my chair and looked through the window again.
Where are you, Haley?
- Writer
