The Love of Lies

Panic

Ashton's POV

Cori's doctor seems like a nice woman, and I'm glad she pulled me to the side because I have a lot more semi-offensive questions to ask about the future mother of my child.

"That display looked like a panic attack. Has it happened to her before?”

“I don’t know, and she’s never mentioned anything.”

“Are there any major changes going on with her lately?"

"Well… she moved in with my family under 'unfavorable' circumstances, we weren't getting along for the first few weeks, things got better between us, and then she lost her job.” The doctor writes on her clipboard, then follows up with even more personal questions.

“When you say that you weren't getting along…?”

“She genuinely believed that I was engaged, and it really messed with her head, but before you continue, I want to know if Cori mentioned another potential father.”

“That isn’t something you should be asking, but since it concerns you, she has always maintained that she’s had one s****l partner.” I nod, relieved because I don’t want to invest time in a baby that may belong to another. “Now, back to Cori. She was on a p*****t plan…”

“Cost isn’t an issue, whatever appointment she needs, schedule it.”

“I think it would be good for her to talk to a professional. I’m not a psychiatrist, but it seems like she’s gone through a lot since I last saw her, and stress can negatively impact fetal development. I’m genuinely concerned about what just happened.”

“Can you recommend someone?” The woman takes down my contact information, promising to have her nurse email me a list of people she finds suitable. “One more question before we go back inside.” The doctor waits for me to speak, but I’m a little embarrassed to ask. “About s*x…”

“Perfectly safe and normal. As long as she’s not in any pain, I encourage it, assuming that she’s willing. If not, there are things you can order for her to use.” I nod numbly, fairly sure that the woman just asked me to buy Cori a d*ldo.

Cori's POV

I was so embarrassed after the doctor's appointment that I couldn't even talk to Ashton. First there was the thing about the STD’s, which made me feel bad because I know that Ashton was offended, then, the doctor started talking about ‘finding’ my own ‘release.’

Aside from that, I’m not really sure why I can’t stand the thought of looking at my own baby, so instead of having a scan today, Ashton and I will come back in a few days, giving me a chance to mentally prepare.

I know that it's not normal, in fact, when Ashton and the doctor came back, they made me fill out a screener for perinatal depression, but I won’t be able to get those results until later.

“Feeling any better?” Ashton hasn’t asked me about what happened today, but now that we’re approaching home, he must want to make sure that I’m okay.

“I’m sorry. I just feel like I’m in no position to have a baby.”

“I feel the same way.” I look at Ashton, not believing the man at all. “Cori, just because my family has money doesn’t mean that I do. I make $98K per year, but my apartment eats up nearly half of that, my brother and I spend about $4K a month on food, not to mention gas, utilities, and-”

“Ashton. Stop talking to me.” The man mistakes my tone and pulls over.

“Are you feeling sick?”

“You spend four thousand dollars a month on food for two people!?” Ashton clearly doesn’t see the problem, so he tries to get me to see things from his perspective.

“If mom doesn’t cook, we-”

“Ashton… I need you to do me a favor. Give me the money that you usually spend on food for just one month. I will cook as per our arrangement, and let me just show you how ridiculous that is.”

Ashton’s POV

I don’t know what to say to Cori, who’s literally shaking in what I can only assume is anger. She keeps muttering four thousand dollars under her breath, but after a while, she turns to face me again.

“And half your salary on rent?” I am not about to tell Cori that I need a place to bring random women, so I wisely keep my mouth shut. “Ashton, do you know how much I can do with the money that you throw away?”

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m young and I still have a lot of time to save.” The woman scoffs, and now I feel like I’m talking to my father. “I already agreed to let you manage the food budget, so can we please talk about something else?”

“Fine but let me just say that I think you’re an idiot.” I laugh at Cori, knowing that she’s dead serious. The more I laugh, the angrier she gets, and her small noises and annoyed stares are only making it funnier to me.

“I am so sorry Cori. I’m not laughing at you.” I turn to face the woman, and although I almost managed to complete my sentence, I can’t because she’s still looking at me as if I have straw for brains. “Let’s stop and get something to eat, okay?”

“You want to spend more money on food?!” Again, an uncontrollable laughing fit hits me, and this time Cori turns her body away from me, staying silent until we pull in front of a grocery store. “Why are we here?”

“You said that you could save me money if I put you in charge, right? Let’s start today.” I pull out my debit card, and with an attitude Cori snatches it from me.

I know that it shouldn’t be funny, but it is, and having a little more faith in the fact that her baby is mine, the small cloud of gloom that has been stopping me from going back to liking the girl has been lifted.

Cori’s POV

Ashton and I spent three hundred dollars on groceries, but when we got back, his mother was outside waiting, already prepared to look at pictures of her future grandchild.

Sadly, I didn’t have the images she wanted, but after making eye contact with Ashton, the woman didn't say anything to me about it. I’m assuming that they’ll have a private conversation later, which is good because I don’t want to have to explain how I feel when I’m not entirely sure myself.

Still the woman invited us over for dinner, so after putting away the food, Ashton and I went to the main house on the estate, and I swear the man’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw what was being served.

Apparently, his mother wanted to celebrate by making his favorite meal, and while I feel bad, Ashton keeps assuring me that it’s not a big deal since we’ve rescheduled the scan for only two days from now.

“Mrs. Lewis, this is amazing. I can literally taste every layer.”

“Mom spent time in Italy when she was a teen.” I nod at Ashton, a little less irritated by his spending habits.

The truth is that he’s not my boyfriend, he’s my ‘accidental baby daddy’ and I don’t have the right to judge him, just like I don’t want him judging me.

“When I was a kid, there was a good three months that I would only eat Lasagna.”

“Is it a family recipe?” I ask, turning my attention back to the cook.

“Not really. My father is from Greece and my mother is from Mexico. I don’t know why we moved to Italy other than the fact that my mother played in a lot of concerts in the area.”

“Was she a musician?”

“She was.” Mrs. Lewis gets up and comes back with a family album, but I’m too afraid to touch it because I know how important photos can be, and I don’t like the idea of looking at them next to any sort of tomato sauce. “Are you okay dear?”

“I don’t want to get them dirty.”

“Cori, do you have any pictures of your mother?" I nod vigorously.

"They aren't in a book as nice as this one.”

“Can we look at them sometime?” Again, I nod, and just as Mrs. Lewis open’s her book, Mr. Lewis comes in.

“Girl or a boy?” The man asks, making me feel guilty about my earlier breakdown.

“Cori got cold feet, so we’re going back in a few days.”

“Cori, come on… You smacked my son in the middle of a crowded room. Are you telling me that you’re afraid of a little baby?”

“I just feel like I don’t deserve to be a mother right now.”

“What kind of comment is that?” I side eye Ashton, who’s brows are furrowed in concern.

I want to be honest with him and his parents because if I have another episode, I don’t want them to blame their son.

“I just feel so…”

“Helpless?” I nod at Mrs. Lewis, and the woman tells me that she felt the same way when she was pregnant with Troy.

She was just starting to get used to the idea of leaving the then two-year-old Ashton with a nanny, but right before she went back, she found out that she was pregnant again.

“How did you feel better?”

“I took a six-month certification course that I knew would set me up for a brighter future.”

“But you worked with your husband.”

“So? I wanted to remind him that staying was a choice, not a necessity.”

“Here we go…” Mr. Lewis rolls his eyes, but I can tell that there is no real malice in his actions.

Mrs. Lewis starts going on and on about men not respecting how much work a woman does, and after a while I realize that she’s throwing shots at Ashton.

“Mrs. Lewis, Ashton didn’t do anything to me today. I panicked because I don’t know if I’m qualified to be a mother, but it had nothing to do with anything he said or did.”

“Cori, you are wrong. You feel that way because Ashton was dumb enough to keep an open door with a vindictive ex-girlfriend.”

“Oh goodness… I’m in trouble again.” I kind of feel bad for Ashton, but at the same time, his mother has a point.

“Have you ever even apologized to her?” Ashton clears his throat, physically turns my chair, rests his hands on my shoulders and takes a very deep breath.

“Cori, you are an amazing, strong, sweet, and more than capable woman. Somehow, my poor judgment caused you to doubt that, but if you want, I will remind you every day.” I burst into laughter, tickled by Ashton’s performance.

“That was not genuine,” Mrs. Lewis grumbles, but Ashton’s father comes to his defense by mocking me.

The couple continues to go back and forth, and watching them playfully bicker makes me wonder if I’ll ever be able to insinuate that someone is stupid and have them kiss me as they agree with my insults.

“We should go before they start making out at the table,” Ashton whispers close to my ear, and while I’m startled by his joke, I don’t doubt it at all.

I stand, and instinctively so do the Lewis’s. We all help with dishes and clearing the table, and before we leave, Mrs. Lewis sends her son with leftovers.

“Don’t tell Troy that I made this without him being here.” The woman kisses Ashton’s cheek, and with the night over, we leave.

I’m tired, but I feel significantly less stressed, and as I shower, I finally take the time to look at myself, touching my belly for the first time as an expectant mother.

“What should I call you?” I ask, feeling slightly ridiculous because my stomach won’t respond to me. “Maybe we should ask your father for help with naming you?”