The Love of Lies

Counselled?

Ashton’s POV

For two weeks I've been terrified; scared because Cori’s gone back to being hard to get close to, so I haven’t been able to muster the courage to tell her that our meeting wasn’t fate, because I know that she won’t take the news well.

It’s probably an even worse idea for me to hide it from her, but I believe that if I try hard enough, it won’t matter in the future.

Unfortunately, it’s been difficult to talk to Cori about our plans together because Vanessa started to text her again, this time from different numbers, but as expected, Cori chose not to tell me, saying that I’m the one who started it.

In fact, the only reason I found out was because her phone kept buzzing while she was showering, and pure jealousy forced me to look at it.

Unlike me, Cori doesn't put a password on her devices, so they’re always open for me to flip through, which is a good thing because I would have never known about what Vanessa was doing.

We were a couple, so naturally we have pictures together, and it looks as though she’s gone into her archives to pull up only the most intimate, but nearly half are photos we took to keep our break-up a secret.

"I'm scared," Cori says. Today’s my first day off, and our first appointment with a couple’s counselor.

My mother helped us find someone, and because I'm familiar with the woman's name, I may have heard of her myself, so I’m confident.

"You don't have to be." When it's our time, Cori and I enter the room, fully laying it all down for a complete stranger.

“That’s a very unfortunate situation you’ve found yourself in, but you don’t have to pretend. This is a safe space, and Ashton won’t judge you for telling the truth.” Cori just told the woman that she lost her virginity and became pregnant by me on the same night, but I don’t blame the Counselor for being skeptical.

“It’s the truth.”

“Okay, but please remember that the truth is essential to trust. You indicated that you wanted to work on trust in your relationship, but that works both ways. If you lie to him, how can you expect him to tell you the truth?”

Cori nods in understanding, likely because she has lied to me on several occasions, but not about that; at least I hope she’s not lying about that.

“Ashton, is there anything you’d like to say to Cori?” I think for a while, then tell the woman that I wish we could go back to how we were before we had s*x.

I could have used the opportunity to tell her that the condom didn’t break, and I could have told her about Troy’s role in our ‘meeting,’ but I don’t want to do that, I’m too scared.

“That’s good. Communicating your wants and desires to a partner isn’t always easy. Cori, is there anything you want to say to him?”

“I-I don’t want to pretend.” My chest fills with the same burning sensation that it did when I found out that Vanessa and Cori met, and it’s then that I realize it’s a manifestation of guilt. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to be with me for the sake of the twins. I’m happy with just your willingness to be a loving, supportive parent.”

I’ve never heard Cori say that, although she’s hinted at it many times. However, that is not what I want. I like the woman enough to give her more than that, especially because she’s pregnant, but not because of it.

“Cori, when we first met, I wanted to see you outside of work, but I was afraid that you’d say no.” Uncomfortable, Cori starts picking at her fingers, but the counselor has us in opposite chairs, so I can’t touch her.

For the first half hour, our session moved at that flow, allowing Cori and I to be vulnerable, and I swear it was working, but as we continue to talk, I feel slightly irritated by our counselor.

"Abusive tendencies can manifest in many ways. You choose to shut people who care about you out because it gives you a sense of control. By doing that, you are hurting that person by giving yourself time to come up with a plan of action while keeping them in a state of uncertainty."

I can see that Cori is put off by being accused of abuse, but I'm not a trained professional, so I keep my distance and stay silent as I was asked.

"It's not that I need to be in control or that I want to hurt anyone, but I've just experienced so much… I-I just prefer to work through my emotions on my own. It's safer that way."

"That's called a victim complex. You can't keep using the past as an excuse." Cori is beginning to shift uncomfortably, not that I blame her, and in order to keep my composure I look away, not wanting to interrupt the process. "Just like your name, Corinne. Changing it won't-"

"My name is Cori, and I've never denied who I am or where I came from. I simply prefer not to be called by the name of a woman my father likely had a continuous affair with throughout his relationship with my mother." Cori’s tone is resolute, and I know her well enough to catch the hint of anger in her words.

"It's just a name. Unless you believe that it somehow makes you just like-"

"Let’s stop right there,” I very rudely interject, hating that I feel like we just wasted our time visiting a quack.

Because I was uncomfortable with the line of questioning, I was looking everywhere except for Cori's face, and sadly, I caught sight of a group vacation photo far too late.

It took a while to place the face, but I know one of the men in the picture. He used to be friends with Vanessa’s father, but after I slept with his daughter, not actually knowing who she was, the men cut ties with one another.

That was at the end of my relationship with Vanessa, so I actually didn’t care, but it’s also part of the reason I kept up my little charade with her.

She used the outcome of that situation in conjunction with our work connections to convince me to keep up the act. I did so by denying that I ever touched the girl, which made it look like she was lying to purposefully hurt Vanessa.

Long story short, most men love their daughters, and the fact that his never openly admitted to sleeping with me meant that someone else was trying to embarrass her. It wasn’t me, and now that I think about it, it could only have been Vanessa herself.

Back then, the girl was also in a relationship, engaged if I'm not mistaken, and I was supposed to be her last hoorah, but that wedding never took place.

I’ve always felt bad for her, specifically because her betrothed wasn’t exactly keeping his d*ck in his pants, but based on the hostile remarks coming from this ‘counselor’ the feelings of animosity are still there.

"Ashton, I know what I'm talking about. Corinne…” The woman purposefully dragged out the name, and based on the way Cori is breathing, it’s affecting her. “Needs to accept who she is."

“People change their names all the time.”

“But not because they share a name with another person. Unless of course…” The woman's eyes rest on Cori meaningfully, her gaze slightly darkening as she looks her up and down. “You think that changing your name can erase something ugly about you.” Surprisingly, Cori shoots to her feet faster than me, and while I’m trying to calm her the counselor keeps talking. “Miss Corinne, your temper is clearly unchecked. Like I told you before-”

“I am not my father!” Cori shouts, pushing away from me as though she can’t stand to feel me touch her.

Counseling was not supposed to go this way, and after I tell my mother what’s happened, this i***t of a counselor can kiss her clinic and unblemished record goodbye.

“Is that the root of your fear? Becoming your father or being a mistress.”

“Okay, we’re done.” I was trying hard to convince myself that this whole conversation had a purpose, but Cori is now agitated, and crying, which isn’t good for our babies.

“Ashton, consider her anger for a second. Why do you think she’s so affected by my words if they aren’t true.”

I ignore the woman, pushing a crying Cori toward the door because I don’t want to stay here with her anymore. This isn’t helpful, and even if Cori is hiding something from me, this isn’t the way to get it out of her.

“We won’t bother to make a follow up appointment.” Cori peeks up at me in shock, still sniffling as I gently guide her out of the room.

Her face looks almost like she wasn’t expecting me to defend her, but I’m not lying when I tell her that I want to be with her.

The car ride back to the house is silent, but before I can open my door, Cori reaches over and grabs my arm.

“Ashton, I’m not lying to you. I really haven't been with anyone except you, and my name bothers me because it was given to me with the purpose of hurting my mother. If you could have met her, if you would’ve seen how beautiful she was, you wouldn’t want to see her hurt either.”

“You don’t have to tell me this.” I also take Cori’s hand, lifting it to my lips. “That lady wasn’t trying to help us,” I admit. “She had a motive, and I don’t think fixing our relationship was part of it.” Cori doesn’t need me to spell it out for her; she’s already lost her job for similar reasons.

“Ashton,” she finally and timidly says. “Am I really abusive?”

“I don’t see it that way. It’s true that you’re hard to read, and yes, it does hurt when you shut me out, but I understand that you do it for the sake of peace. I don’t need anyone else to tell me that.”

“I didn’t always shut you out though.” That’s true. Cori would talk openly and freely to me when she worked at the bar. I just took it as her being a friendly girl, but thinking back, she probably let her guard down because I gave her no reason to keep it up. “I considered you a friend.”

That statement gets me thinking… Why exactly did Cori sleep with me?

“Cori… why did you choose me that night?” Something flashes on the girl’s face, some type of hurt that I’m not sure I want to pry into right now because it probably has to do with Vanessa, and I’m already angry enough to do something dumb, like sabotage the woman’s family resources.

“I-… Before that night, you…-” Cori breathes deeply, before turning to face me with a still bright red nose. “I was going to lose it anyway.” I know that is not what she was going to say, so I arch an eyebrow at her, letting her know that I want an answer. “I-I didn’t really think about it. It felt right, and I thought, maybe, we could… Ashton… you know what I’m trying to say.”

“Thank you for choosing me.” I lean forward, kissing Cori because I know exactly what she’s trying to say, and I feel really good about hearing it. She chose me because she wanted to, not because she felt obligated or pressured, but because of how she felt about me.

If only I changed that damned door code, things could have been different between us, but this is okay too.