THE JOURNEY OF SHEIRA HART

51 | It Would Have Hurt Like Hell

The sun was high up and Mikhael hasn’t returned. I have no idea where he went. It’s been almost 24 hours since he and the old man disappeared. And I haven’t felt anything unusual. I feared becoming a tainted one but I checked my body every now and then to check for some black streaks or something else but I couldn’t see anything strange in my body. I mean, I don’t know when the symptoms occur to know that you’ve become a tainted one but I hope I won’t become one. Hell, I haven’t even found out how I died exactly. I am not going to let Thanis take me to the Underworld without a fight. And I am going to finish this journey so even if I end up going to the Underworld, at least Mikhael can go back to the Silver City. 

I have watched Loren cry for several minutes. And I knew why she was crying. People do move on. But I didn’t say it would be easy. Jacob and Loren were my two closest friends. And they miss me as much as I missed them. It would be hard for both of them to move on and be fine but I know they will come to that at some point. 

The streets should be hot in this kind of weather and I walking barefoot on the street. But I couldn’t feel the heat. At least not that much. I mean, I am practically part of the wind so I don’t feel anything a lot. 

It was when I was about to turn into a curb when I suddenly felt dizzy. The surroundings blurred and my vision spun. I don’t know where I’ll be warped to next time but I can tell the surrounding’s warping. My head ached and I feel nauseated. It feels just like that time when we started jumping from flashback to flashback. But the worst part of this is that I can’t even throw up. That would be like throwing up air. That’s like burping but grosser. 

I let myself be carried away and the next moment I knew, when I opened my eyes, I was on the same street but I was in the air. But I wasn’t flying. I tried moving down but I couldn’t. I looked down and realized this was the area near the cafeteria. The cafeteria where Jacob broke up with me. I checked my arms and my legs for any black streaks but thankfully, there are none. I got scared for a second when I felt dizzy earlier. But then it was just another flashback. 

Somehow, I have gotten invested in this turn of events. I mean, I am kind of looking forward to what’s going to happen next. Not only because they are my memories but because I am curious as to how have I lived my life. And this may sound masochistic but I am quite curious about how exactly I died. I know it won’t be a pleasant sight to see but perhaps I have long accepted the fact that I am dead and I am never going back to being alive so why not know the reason why I died? 

I might be traumatized by it but who knows? Maybe ghosts will feel trauma. Maybe not. I guess there’s only one way to find out. But what I don’t understand is why I can’t move from my position. I can move my arms and my feet but I can’t move around. I don’t even know what to watch. All I can see are cars and other vehicles passing by and judging from the position of the sun, it is still past noon. I groaned inwardly when I realized this will take a long time. I remember by this time, I was still waiting for Jacob to arrive in the café but he arrived hours later. So this means I will be probably stuck in the air for several hours. 

“This sucks,” I mumbled and glared at the sun. 

This part of the city is the one closest to the sea. The road was next to the sea. I could see boats and small ships in the distance, doing their own thing. The road was quite narrow so vehicles were moving slow. A huge convenience store stood there and next to it was a smaller road that leads uptown where the bigger establishments are located. That was where I rode my bike to go to that cafeteria. Behind the convenience store was an apartment complex that occupied most of the block. And behind the apartment were other stores like an antique shop, salons, and many more. Another narrow road was behind in front of the small shops behind the apartment complex. On the other side of the road was the cafeteria. 

“Happiness starts here,” I mumbled as I recalled the signage of the shop when I entered it with Mikhael.It was written just below the name of the café. And I thought it was ironic knowing that I had my breakup there. It certainly wasn’t happy. I certainly didn’t feel happy about it. It was pain. Literal pain as I felt my chest getting stabbed right after Jacob walked out of the café. 

The narrow road in front of the café extended all the way to the end of the block and turns at the back of the apartment complex and straight to the main road. A middle school was located just behind the apartment complex and I could see children getting on the bus one by one while being managed by their teacher. Next to it was a park where I could see lovers having their moments. And it felt amazing to see that somewhere in this same place, a girl was about to get her heartbroken and at the same time, somewhere here some people are actually having fun. Or this might be something they would consider the best day of their life. While if I would describe mine, it would be the saddest. 

The sea was calm. The weather was nice in general. And sadness or happiness doesn’t choose what place or what day or what weather it is. It comes to you like a whirlwind. And you can’t do anything other than accept it. It might be something too overwhelming but humans are capable of crying or laughing just to accommodate these whirlwinds of emotions.

And I couldn’t help but wonder what and how did I feel when Jacob left me. If I cried, how hard did I cry? If I didn’t, how did I handle it? I don’t remember crying often. I don’t remember being hurt often. After all, Jacob was my first boyfriend. He was the first heartbreak. But I didn’t know if I cried or not when he left me. 

But I was certain of one thing, though: It would have hurt like hell. 

* * *