42 | It's 6AM and I Was Already Screaming
1507 Words
“What do you think was that for?” I asked Mikhael without taking my eyes off the view. Mikhael was silent but I felt him beside me. He didn’t ask what I meant about that. But I know he knows what I mean.
“That you indeed had a life before you died,” he answered and I looked at him. His eyes remained fixed on the city below. “It shows that you loved, you laughed, you got hurt, you cried. All of which is what living truly means.” He looked at me and his hair danced with the gentle breeze.
“You lived a nice life,” he said and I couldn’t help but stare back at him. It was those rare moments he isn’t throwing jokes and is actually being sincere. And it’s moments like this that I don’t know what to say or do. I don’t know how to react so I just stood there and stared back at him. I lived a nice life. Maybe. So I smiled and looked at the city below. The sun was beginning to set and it will be nighttime soon.
The warping didn’t happen and I figured there must be something in the present time that we have to know or figure out. I don’t have any idea what it is and there’s only one way to know.
“I guess we’re flying again,” he said and I didn’t say anything. Somehow, I got used to it. And during that time I was underwater, I somehow lost my fear of the water. Do you remember that time I told you the water was kind of pulling me in? I don’t know why that was and I don’t remember myself being scared of the water but that time I was under it, panic built inside of me. If I didn't calm myself down, I would have drowned. And I don’t know if it was possible to be trapped in your subconscious and die there but I definitely wasn’t inclined to find out. I mean, come on! I already died once. Once is enough.
Mikhael took my hand. It was like our little routine. I mean, we could definitely fly without holding each other’s hands but maybe it was because he got used to it while I was still learning the art of being a flying ghost.
“You don’t need to hold my hand now, you know,” I said as my eyes were set on our hands. I felt him look at me.
“But I want to,” he said, causing me to look at him. “If you fall, it would be too much of an impact if I catch you and my strength won’t be enough to lift us both back up,” he said without blinking.
“You know, there are just some instances in life where you have to shut your mouth.”
He just shrugged and before I could even prepare myself, we spiraled through the air. One thing about getting used to flying is that I scream anymore when we take off. But a little warning could definitely help. And for some reason, Mikhael isn’t too fond of warnings. He takes off whenever it is convenient for him and he enjoys it if I cling on to him too much.
“You are a real bastard, do you know that?”
He just chuckled and that only made me more annoyed. “You’ve called me worse than that. Those minuscule nicknames won’t affect me anymore, darling. You made me immune.”
I just rolled my eyes and he let go of my hand. I flew beside him. The city below was starting to light up. The city lights started to light up as if challenging the stars who shine the brightest. I could hear the horns of the vehicles below and when I looked down, I immediately knew why.
“What bad traffic,” Mikhael mumbled beside me and when we looked far ahead, we saw the cause of the traffic. It was a small car accident.
The traffic was so bad though that I could hear the complaints of the people together with their horns. We flew past that and arrived at the bridge. And the moment we arrived there, Mikhael held my hand and pulled me so we could stand at the top of it. If it was my first time, I would have clung to him like a starfish. Of course, the height still makes me feel uneasy but knowing that I won’t die twice made it easy for me not to get scared of it.
I looked questioningly at Mikhael. “What are we doing here?” I asked.
“You seem blank so I figured we should do this before we go to our destination.”
Our destination. I don’t know if those times we’ve been journeying together, we somehow accumulated the ability to read each other’s minds. I know he was also thinking of going back to where I live. After what happened to the cafe--the break up-- it’s just right to see Jacob. And I don’t know if he has gotten very good at it but he’s sensing my mood more accurately.
“What do you mean?”
He looked at the view ahead and said, “You can shout whatever you want to say in here.”
I gave him a look. “Are you trying to get me to do those cheesy things and then laugh at me in the end?” I said, giving him a doubtful look. But he just gasped dramatically as if very offended.
“Who do you think I am?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. You conned me once so you can’t blame me,” I said nonchalantly.
He just sighed. “Look, I’ll do it first,” he said but before I could even say something, his voice echoed throughout as he screamed, “I want to eat pizza!”
I laughed. “Pizza? Really?”
He just chuckled. “Your turn,” he said and jerked his head.
“Do we really have to do this?” I asked and he did not say anything and just gave a look that roughly translates to ‘I did it already so you better do it too.’
“I want to find the truth and go back peacefully,” I said but he just clicked his tongue.
“Is that all you can do?”
I crossed my arms. “Well, at least I wasn’t wishing for pizza!”
He scoffed. “Pizzas are heaven-sent. You don’t have the right to insult the divine food like that--”
“Fine, fine. What do you want me to do?”
“Say it louder.” He shrugged and stepped back as if giving me space.
I stared at the space ahead. I could see another town at the end of the bridge. My town. Where I used to live. Where I used to have those memories that were erased from me. Where I cried, laughed, mourned, and loved. And I thought about if ever I get to finish this journey, that would mean I would never see these people I loved anymore. That would mean I would be in the afterlife while they’re in here, thinking about me as I was thinking about them. Maybe it would be easier for me to have a proper closure to my death. I think that’s what I needed most. A closure.
So I heaved a deep breath, saving the air inside me before I screamed, “I wish I could find the truth and go back peacefully! I wish my family would learn to live without me in their lives! I wish my friends would be happy, too. I wish Jacob would find the happiness he deserves. I wish I will find the happiness I deserve!”
The moment I was done screaming those, I was panting hard. And I could feel the tears brimming my eyes. But it didn’t fall down.
I looked at Mikhael and he was looking at me too. And I could have sworn it was pride etched across his face. I was still panting when I faced him and walked towards him.
“How was that?” I asked, trying to stabilize my breathing.
He just let out a huge smile before he placed his hand on top of my head before saying, “Good job. Felt great, right?”
I smiled. Indeed.
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- Writer
