THE JOURNEY OF SHEIRA HART

10 | I Visited My Own Funeral

I remembered screaming my profanities towards Mikhael while I felt the wind entering my squinted eyes. Even as we landed I didn't forget to smack him in the head.

"I prefer to be informed before you do stunts like that. Understood?" I said, panting.

He scratched his head and nodded. "That was the most fun, wasn't it?"

I rolled my eyes. "I spent it all by screaming obscenities at you. Fun? Sure."

I scanned my eyes around the area. "My school," I said as I saw the familiar tall gate several meters away from us.

"Oh, this school looks quite familiar." I heard Mikhael stepped beside me, looking at the gates of the school, too.

"On TV, I think. This school has been on TV for several days because of the incident that happened here."

Mikhael looked at me as if waiting for me to tell him more.

I could still remember what I had before I died. I could still remember my family, how they looked like. I could still remember my friends. I could still remember the faces of my friends. I could still remember the nicknames we used to call the people we hate. I could still remember my birthday and what present I received last year. The only thing I couldn't remember was that time when I died. I could definitely remember some of the happenings in the school. Particularly the ones that got it popular on TV. Not the good kind of popular, though. I'm surprised the school hasn't closed yet despite all the issues.

"Someone brought a gun and started shooting everywhere. Luckily, nobody died. Weeks later, a teacher committed suicide because she thinks she was the reason why that student started shooting at anybody. Days after that, another student committed suicide because turns out, he was having a secret relationship with that teacher and he couldn't accept the fact that the teacher was already dead."

Mikhael was silent for a moment but then he said, "Wow." Because it was the only thing he could say perhaps. Even when the news broke out, it left the people speechless. 

"And days after it all happened, somebody planted a bomb in our school causing us to panic. It didn't explode, thankfully. Turns out, the one who planted the bomb there was the brother of that teacher who committed suicide. He revealed that the Principal has been molesting her and forcing her to do acts she doesn't want to do. He even threatened to fire her if she doesn't oblige. She's the breadwinner of the family and she needed the job. It was too much for her."

Mikhael shook his head in disbelief. 

"No wonder it was broadcasted on TV."

"National TV, take note."

"Maybe the bomb exploded and you died there," he said and I gave him an incredulous look. He makes sense, to say the least. 

"I clearly remember it did not explode so unfortunately, I didn't die that time."

"With the shootings and then the bomb threat, you survived all of it," he said. There was a trace of awe in his voice.

"So?"

He stuffed his hands inside his pocket. "We never really know when our time will come. You survived those dangerous incidents and yet you died in another one."

I heaved a sigh and stared at the gates of the school. Indeed. "We never know."

Silence covered between us for a few minutes. I am not sure what he was thinking about. But looking at the look in his eyes, he might be thinking about the time when he was still alive.

"You remember some fragments of the time when you were alive, right?"

He gave me a sideward glance before he said, "Of course. I was popular with the girls."

"Ugh." Of course, he'd say that. I started walking and I heard him chuckling as he walked beside me. 

"It was true, though," he said. 

"Spare me the details, please." I waved my hand dismissively and tried walking faster but he keeps on keeping up. 

"You sure?"

I gave him a glare and he just laughed again. "I remember I was the captain of my school's soccer team," he said.

"And you still are even in the Afterlife."

He nodded. "I remember a name. But that's a story for another time," he said, dismissing the certain topic. 

"What about your family?"

He shrugged. "I was an only child. My parents are divorced. They have their own families now. I live alone while I was studying. I receive money from both of them. It was fine."

He didn't sound hurt while he said it. It was more like he's gotten used to it. He sounded like he doesn't care and just accepted it because that's just how it is. But he does sound lonely. Despite the cheerful tone in his voice, somewhere deep down, he must have wished to have his parents beside him.

"You said you had lots of girls so life must be fine as long as you have them," I merely said and he cracked up and ruffled my hair.

"Tell me, did you make them all your girlfriends?"

"Ah. I couldn't spend my parents' money buying gifts for them. And besides, I had a reason why I met so many girls."

I gave him a doubtful look. "Tell that to me once we're done. Let's walk to where my house is."

"How far is it?"

"An hour by car." I looked at him. "We're not flying there."

"It would be faster, you know," he said and I shook my head as I scanned the surrounding.

"I wanted to see the neighborhood again."

He didn't say another word. Which was surprising. He just started walking with me. He must have understood. It was already nighttime and the neighborhood is already quiet. Though I could see some houses still with their lights on and I could hear the faint sound of music. Probably a party. 

"Ah. Sometimes I miss those times I was alive," I heard Mikhael say. Both his hands are on the back of his head. He looked like he was just strolling in a park. 

"Well, coming back here is kind of nostalgic." It makes me want to stay there and never go back to the Afterlife no matter how beautiful it was.

"How long have you been...dead?" I asked and looked at him as he was walking leisurely. 

For a few minutes, there was just silence. All I could hear was the rustle of the leaves against each other and the sound of car horns from a distance. Just when I thought he wasn't going to answer my question, he said, "Several months before you arrived."

I nodded. I didn't know what to say. We were covered in another cocoon of silence. "I don't know how I died. I am not inclined to find out. And besides, I like the Afterlife better."

"I beg to differ."

He just chuckled at my statement. "You are such a walking contradiction," he said and I just chuckled. 

We walk past houses. Some were familiar. Some were not. I could hear children giggling, probably playing with their dolls or cars in their own rooms. I could see some sitting next to their windows, looking up the stars, probably wishing their crush would notice them one day. Which is something I remember I used to do before. I could see a house with its lights off except for one on the second floor, a student's room. Probably studying. I could hear the dogs barking at a guy climbing on top of the roof while a girl was on the window, helping him get inside her room. That was what I used to hear and see before. That's what I have missed. Those are the things that I will never see again in the Afterlife. I clenched my fist. Suddenly feeling lonely and sad. I never felt this before when I was back there. Am I starting to feel it now because I'm here? Does that even make sense?

I looked at Mikhael and he was staring at the road far ahead, as if thinking about something, too. I didn't dare call him or say a word. For the first time ever since I met him, I saw something else in his eyes aside from mischief.

Loneliness.

Even souls get lonely.

I didn't notice I was almost walking directly into a lamp post until it was too late. I was expecting I would bump directly into the lamp post, but I walked through it. I bloody walked straight through a lamppost. I didn't bump into it. I walked through it!

Mikhael must have realized I stopped walking that he stopped walking too.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I reached my finger out and tried poking the lamp but my finger just went through. I gasped and looked at Mikhael who was just crossing his arms and looking at what I was doing. I did it again but this time, I extended my arm and punched the lamp post but the same thing happened. It just went through. I felt the need to do it with other parts of my body too so I tried my leg.

"Being a ghost is awesome!"

Mikhael gave me a bland stare. "Earlier you said it was creepy."

I ignored his remark and used my head this time. It stuck out to the other end of the post. "Hi, there!" I said and animated my voice. He furrowed his brows and then grinned. He ran towards the nearby tree and did the same.

"I can't feel my head," he said and lolled his head to the side. I instantly what he's doing. 

"You too? Man, this is nuts. We shouldn't have left for the war now, what will my wife say if she sees me almost headless?" I said as I animated my voice to make it sound like an old man. 

"I bet she'd sew it back up," he said in an old man's voice.

We both looked at each other before we burst into laughter. Then we heard the sound of cans dropping on the cemented road. And when we looked to the side, I almost yelped when an old man was standing next to me. Staring directly at me. 

I took a step back and he looked at the lamp post. He grinned and before I could even say something, he bumped his head into the post causing it to shake.

I covered my mouth with my hand.

The old man scratched his head and looked at me. As in looked straight into my eyes. "How did you do it?" he asked. My eyes widened at the realization. I looked at Mikhael who was now beside me and he just nodded. Confirming my suspicions. 

"Hey, girl!" He jerked his chin towards me. "Tell me how did you do it?"

I was still so surprised with the fact that he could see me that I wasn't able to answer.

"Some of the living beings can really see some of us. We better be careful," Mikhael said and held my hand. And before I knew it, we were already in the air, flying. Though it was not as fast as we did earlier.

"It would be better like this," he said and let go of my hand. I looked back only to see the old man still looking at us and then jumping around. As if trying to fly too. If I was him, seeing ghosts would creep the hell out of me.

I looked down and saw the familiar neighborhood. "We're here," I said and Mikhael held my hand again for us to land. The neighborhood was quiet. Very unusual to what I remembered. I looked at the street clock and I realized it's already eleven in the evening. I looked at the houses to see most of them are still lit.

We walked further. I looked at Mr. Fredo's house. Usually, it should be dark by now but for some reason, it was not.

Then I felt Mikhael's hand on mine, stopping me on my tracks. I looked at him and he was looking somewhere else.

"Is that your house?" He jerked his head towards a certain direction. I looked at what he's looking at and I saw my house. But there was something different about it. At this time, my dad should be sleeping and my mom should be in the living room, alone, watching her favorite series. And my siblings should be sleeping in their rooms because my dad would freak out once he sees them still awake.

Our house was wide open, I could see them from where I was standing. They were wearing black—my siblings and my parents. My neighbors too. Why were my neighbors in my house?

We walked closer. And then I saw their swollen eyes. "Oh. This isn't the right time, I think," I said. I slightly had an idea what is going on here.

I saw one of my neighbors—Mrs. Greta—coming to my house. I saw my mom come out of the house, greeting Mrs. Greta who handed my mom a box of fruits and a basket of flowers. Mrs. Greta then hugged my mom, caressing her back gently. Comforting her for her loss.

I stepped into the veranda where there were people talking. I felt Mikhael stepped beside me and I saw the living room adorned with flowers of different kinds. I recognized some of them were from my mom's gardens. Some might be brought by my neighbors. I looked around. I could see other people too. Some were familiar faces. Some were people I know personally.

And then I looked at the center, where my picture was displayed, and next to it is an urn of metallic blue with silver lines. 

I waited for the feeling. Any kind of feeling. And the feeling I was longing to feel when I was at the Afterlife, I felt it right at the moment. I felt sadness. Loneliness. The urge to be there. To tell them I'm fine. I wanted to appear in front of them. For the last time. 

Because what I am seeing right now, is my very own funeral.

* * *