Ruins Of Roses BOOK 2 (Rebuilding Ruins Series)

43. TEN STEPS BACK

FRANKIE

"Dude do we have to do this" I clench my hands on the steering wheel.

"Dude don't call me dude. And yes we got to do this" Angel gives me an annoyed look.

"I mean God already knows this marriage isn't real-"

"Obviously" she snaps.

I know she hates it when I bring that up but I feel she needs a reminder of what's real and what's not.

"Why then should we continue to lie to your family?"

We've been sitting in my car for ten minutes and the fact that we are outside this gorgeous church building is making me anxious. I don't know what I was thinking agreeing to come here. That's right I wasn't thinking. I was too busy planning all the nasty things I'd do to her when we get home tonight.

"It's just you wouldn't understand" she looks down at her hands.

"Then make me"

"My ex dumped me because I wasn't good enough. The pity looks on my family made me feel horrible about myself. How do you think they'll take it when they hear that I got married out of convince" she looks up at me her eyes misty with tears.

Now I feel like such a jerk asking this of her.

"You don't have to say it to their faces" I'm doing my best to find a loophole but failing miserably.

How do I tell her letting her aunt and uncle pray for our marriage when it's not even real isn't right with her past relationship is still hanging over our heads. I hate this.

"You can go back home. I'll let them know you couldn't make it. Drive safely" she grabs her bag and gets off the car.

"Angel baby don't be like that"

"It's okay Frankie. I understand. See you later" she closes the door and starts walking to the church entrance.

She looks gorgeous in a white bodycon dress that reaches her knees and hugs her curves. She paired that with a gold belt, clutch, accessories and heels. This woman is to die for yet she doesn't even know it. Why then do I want to divorce her after months when she's been nothing but a good friend and wife. You know what that's not important. Getting off the car I jog after her calling her name. I can't let her go in there and face her family alone. I'll be a good friend and do this for her.

"Did you need something" she turns and faces me and seeing her sad eyes clenches at my heart.

"Come here" I open my arms for her.

We stand there hugging on the church parking lot for a minute or two.

"I'll go in with you and play perfect couple for your family and everyone" I kiss the side of her head.

"Thank you. You are such a good friend" I can tell she's emotional.

"Now come on" I take her hand in mine and we continue to the church entrance.

We are welcomed by the ushers who lead up to the second raw. They seem to know Angel and I'd like to believe she's been here so many times growing up. If I thought this church looked beautiful on the outside then it's breathtaking inside. A billionaire must be attending this church because how else can they afford such nice things.

The service is nothing I've experienced before. These people are not here to play.They are here to praise and worship God. They are not here just to be here. I just stand there watching everything. At one point I find myself praying for the business I'm about to start. As some short white guy talks about giving onstage one brown skinned woman comes and says something to Angel.

"I'll be back in five" Angel says when she's gone.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"You'll see" she squeezes my hand before leaving.

As the ushers collect the offering from the congregation Angel is called onstage to sing. She gets up there and sings a beautiful worship song I see a few people start crying. She's really good at this. I almost burst into tears when she sang that farewell song for my family a few days ago. I didn't expect for her to make me feel that way with just a song.

"You were amazing up there" I say when she returns to her seat.

"Awww thank you babe" she smiles.

When Angel's uncle whose a darker version of Angel's cousins Bri and Sherie gets onstage and starts preaching about marriage I resist the urge to fake an emergency and escape. Of course he'd preach on this subject since his niece is newly wed. Angel gives me a nervous look. I mean this marriage isn't real so it's no big deal.

"Marriage is a sacred thing that involves three individuals. Well you might ask who else is involved besides me and my spouse Pastor Caleb. Well when you exchanged those vows before God you invited him into your marriage" Pastor Caleb says.

We did but I know that God knows that I had to make those vows and would understand when it's time to break them.

"Something sacred has to be respected. Every decision you make has to benefit not only you but your husband or wife and that means you have to sit down and discuss each and everything before coming to a discussion"

"Of course you might disagree on some things but that doesn't mean you sweep it under the carpet. You have to face it head on or it might grow into something big that could threaten your relationship"

He goes on and on lecturing us and I'm about ready to head home. I have no business listening to this. I'm in a temporary arrangement after all. When he's done he calls all the married couples to pray for them and I groan when Angel gives me a pleading look. We both get on our feet and make our way to the pulpit. We're last in the prayer line and I don't know why but I feel guilty having Pastor Caleb and his wife praying for our love for each other which is only one sided to grow and for God to see us through every obstacle. It only gets worse when her aunt blesses the fruit of Angel's womb. By now I'm done.

When the service ends Pastor Caleb and his wife lead us to an office and I'm begging Angel with my eyes to make this whole thing end. In the office they lecture us even more and just when I'm about to storm out of there Bri comes and leads us to the buffet table in another room. I've never been so happy to be away from Angel's aunt and uncle.

"Where did your aunt and uncle even meet?" I ask as Angel and I sit at a table with two other couples.

They are an intense interracial couple that produced cute kids.

"At a fun fair. My aunt had just been dumped by her then boyfriend and was sitting in a corner crying and my uncle found her and took her home. Of course they had to ride two buses to get there cause back then my uncle didn't own a car but at least she wasn't alone. Isn't that so sweet" Angel smiles.

"So basically you're saying he was a rebound?" I raise a brow.

She laughs "No. They were friends for two whole years then started dating. My uncle says he wanted her to close the chapter between her and her ex and he too had things to take care of. He didn't think a white girl would want him when he didn't have a job"

I know breaking up with someone doesn't happen over night. It's been a decade and I'm still not over my ex.

"Your aunt is into material things?"

"What. No. She's not like that at all. She's very humble trust me" she defends.

"And this nice building. How do they afford to keep it running?" I ask out of curiosity.

"People in this church tithe and so should we"

"I don't have to do anything" I take a bite of the baked brie in puff pastry with cranberries pistachios and honey.

"I know you want your business to succeed so I brought a check with ten percent of your inheritance"

"Oh no you didn't" I pause chewing not believing what I'm hearing.

"Sister Angel. Congratulations on your wedding" some woman attacks Angel with a hug.

I'm going to kill this woman for backstabbing me this way. You wait and see.

***

I'm in the the kitchen listening to Angel go on and on about the progress of the place I recently bought while she does the dishes after dinner. I didn't really care to buy the place but she made me do it. Things would have been different if she was my real wife but she's my best friend and I trust her because she's never given me a reason not to. Since my uncle owns the bar he was okay with the idea of me co-owning the top part because Mateo and I have been running The Rage together for years though we did a s**t job at it. Mateo wanted to turn the bar into a restaurant and Angel immediately thought to turn the top part into an exclusive lounge.

I'd hate to see the bar go but I must admit the restaurant and lounge idea is good especially in this part of town because there aren't many. I guess she's finally gotten her wish to turn this place into one that attracts people with big money to spend to come watch her perform. My mom would surely bring her rich friends to hear her daughter in law and brag about how talented she is.

Angel is going into detail about her plan it's like she can see the picture of what the place would look like when it's done. It's been a week since we got back from Italy and everything is already in motion. I have also found a place for my business downtown and Angel is helped me put an ad online for other carpenters and so far we had interviewed two people.

There is still so much to do and I just want to see were all this will lead to. Will both the restaurant, lounge and the company be successful or will it all dissolve into nothingness. The thought of failing at this gives me anxiety. All I've ever known is failure. I've never accomplished anything in my life. All I've ever done is mess things up for myself and everyone around me. I ruin everything I touch. Would the cycle continue even when I've finally found a woman whose slowly but surely breaking the cycle that's been going on for years.

"Am I boring you or something?" she glares at me when I yawn.

"Can we like talk about something else"

"Right. I'll be signing myself up at the gym tomorrow" she says.

"Good for you"

"I need a partner" she gives me the puppy dog look.

"Okay why are you looking at me like that?"

"Please be my gym partner. Please please please" she begs.

Before I can answer her phone rings and she answers it. I leave the room to go get ready for my shift at the bar. Living with Angel hasn't been all bad. I like that she keeps the house tidy and cooks me three meals each day. She says she doesn't want me eating fast food if she can help it. She even brings me food to my workplace during my lunch break to give me whatever she had prepared. My coworkers back the garage were shocked when they found out I was now a married man. Hell I shocked myself too.

Yes they've seen me with lots of different women but they should have known I would settle down at some point. Pity this whole marriage is fake and would end in no time. I liked how she spoils me, making me feel like the most important man to her. It doesn't mean that I treated her right though. I know this might sound like an excuse but when you've been single for years you tend to forget how to shower a woman with affection.

"Baby you won't believe this" she budges into the bathroom while I take a shower.

"Do you know how to knock?"

"I'm sorry" she just stands there fiddling with her hands.

"What did you want to tell me?"

"It's not important" she walks to the exit.

"Join me" I say.

She stops walking and looks back at me and I stretch out my hand her way.

"Maybe some other time" she grabs the door handle to open it.

"Angel"

"Yes?" she keeps her eyes on the door.

"Come here"

"I'm going to come and take a shower with you but I don't want your hands on me. Get it" she warns.

"I might change your mind" I smirk.

"In your dreams" she rolls her eyes

I watch her strip off her clothes and when she catches me watching her she rolls her eyes. I guess she's still upset with me snapping at her. Looks like I ain't getting any tonight..

"I'm sorry babe" I take her hand in mine

"Didn't I tell not to touch me" she snatches her hand out of my hold.

"Calm down. Please" I take her chin in my hand and make her look at me.

When our eyes lock it's like an invisible electric current shocks us both we cover the distance between us and kiss each other with so much passion.

"I'm really sorry sweetheart. Forgive me" I say when we come up for air.

"Are you really cause you keep messing up and apologizing and nothing changes" she pulls away glaring at me.

I really don't know how to break this never ending cycle of being hot one minute and cold the next but what I do know is that I have to change so our marriage stays sweet. Don't want her to end up hating me.

"It's a process that won't happen over night"

"I know but I hate when you talk to me like that" she pouts but I can tell she's not as upset anymore.

"If you had knocked I wouldn't have talked to you like that" I put tropical shampoo on her and hair and massage it onto her scalp.

"You could have said it in a more polite manner" she moans.

"That's the best I could do" I shrug.

"I don't know why I keep doing this to myself" she laughs humourlessly grabbing her blonde locks out of my hold.

"What do you mean" I scrunch up my face. I don't like her tone.

"Don't mind me. I'm just thinking out loud. I'm just a zombie with no feelings that you can treat like trash whenever you please remember" she grabs her shower gel and squeezes it on her wash cloth way too hard.

"I didn't know you were a zombie. It's good to know"

"I can see why some people manage to stay single for so long" I watch her mesmerized as she applies the sweet smelling foam all over her sexy body.

You'd think it would be easy not jumping her bones seeing as we're in having a heated exchange but it's not. It's making me want her all the more.

"If you have something to say just come out and say it woman"

"Just thinking out loud. Am I allowed to do that" she raises an eyebrow.

"You need to watch your tone when you talk to me"

She doesn't say anything else after that. She stands under the water as the water washes off the soap off her body. When she's clean off any soap she walks out of the water and grabs the towel and wraps it around her hair and the other on her body before walking out the door. I finish off showering and exit the bathroom. I find her sitting on the bed in her cute Mini mouse night dress facing the wall. I guess I really ain't getting any if she's wearing that oh so boring thing. I start getting dressed but I can't ignore the tension in the room.

"What do I have to do for you to treat me better" I hear her say behind me.

"This is who I am. If you don't like that you know where the door is" I keep my back on her.

"Would you treat me better if I was Natalya?" she comes to stand in front of me.

Okay how did we get here.

"Yes I would treat you better if you were the woman I love but sadly for you you are not"

"Why did I let your uncle drag me into this mess. God this is so pathetic. You know I thought things were going to be different when we got back but apparently not"

"How about you go to sleep because you are starting to sound crazy" I put my hands on my hips.

"You are the crazy one here Frankie not me. You are married to a good woman but all you do is make her feel inferior" she shoves at my chest with her little hands.

"We are not in a relationship and this marriage is not real. Get that through your thick skull. All we're doing is satisfying each other's s****l needs and when the three months is over you will be moving out of my damn house and it'll be a wrap for us. I'm never going to fall in love with you"

"I guess you wouldn't mind if I dated other men then" she folds her arms over her chest.

"Of course I would mind. We are not using any protection therefore you can't be that way with other men while we're still together. I don't want to get some nasty disease"

"Well I need more than just meaningless s*x. I need somebody to tell me how much he loves me and someone I could share everything with. I'm tired of this lonely life" she goes to sit on the bed and hugs her legs to her chest.

"Just stick to dating. No s*x. I'm sure you can go for a few more weeks without sleeping with other men. We have enough action going on in this bedroom each night" the thought of her sleeping with another man makes me want to punch something.

"Then treat me a little better. We said we would make this the best three months of our lives. Meet me halfway" she looks at me.

"I will try"

She opens the covers and lays on the bed with her back on me. Watching her laying there looking like a small and fragile little animal pulls at something in my chest. She's been good to me and the least I could do is make life a little earlier for her. I walk to the bed and get in behind her and wrap my arms around her.

"I'm sorry for not treating you like you deserve. I'm a little rusty at this. I need you to guide me and show me how to treat you like you my best friend because you are"

"I'm not asking for much. All I want is for you to be nice" she caresses my hands wrapped her.

"Okay" I kiss behind her ear.

"Stay with me tonight" she turns and faces me.

How can I say no when she looks at me with those doe eyes. She's making it hard for me to just walk away.

"Okay" I grown.

She snuggles up to me and we lay there in silence for a few minutes each of us lost in our thoughts. I hate that she feels lonely with me here. I know I shouldn't let her words get to me but they do. I want her to feel good when she's with me.

"What is it about me you don't like. Am I making you feel suffocated. I can take a step back and give you space. I can move into another room if you like" she plays with the button on my shirt.

"Ain't nothing wrong with you sweetheart. It's all me. I have so many issues that I don't know how to handle and most times I take out my frustrations on people around me"

"You can talk to me about anything" she looks up at me..

"I would rather not"

"A problem shared is a problem solved" she runs her hand up and down my arm.

"You want to hear about how angry I am at the world?"

"Yes" she replies.

"I'm not about to tell you my business"

"I could tell you my deepest darkest secret" she gets off my chest and supports her head with her hand.

"Are you bargaining right now" I raise a brow.

"Maybe I am" she smiles.

"Let's hear it"

"My father left my mother for his mistress and she turned to drugs for comfort. She got so hooked that she would bring men to our house and had s*x with them in any room not caring if either my brother or I would walk in on her. I couldn't talk to her about my issues because she was always out of it" she says.

"My father was a drunkard and would hit my mother every night for the slightest mistakes she made. Too much salt in his food or too little would have him putting his hands on her. When I was eleven my brother and I we decided to put a stop to the domestic abuse and attacked our father. He hit us so bad that we were both in pain for the entire week" I find myself opening up to her.

I've come to realize that we have so many things in common. She's pointed them out in the past but I see it now. We both come from broken families with parents that struggled with addiction. If any woman would understand it can only be her.

"I can't imagine what it's like to watch your father continuously abuse your mother" she plays with my chin hair.

"It's one of the hardest things I had to go through"

"I take it your mother left"

"She did. I hated her for leaving my brother and I with that bastard. Like how do you leave your children with an abusive drunkard" I shake my head.

"I understand your frustrations. My brother hasn't forgiven my dad for what he did too"

"If she took my sister why couldn't she take us with her too"

"I totally understand where you are coming from but you have to try your best to forgive her because trust me holding onto anger only hurts you"

She's starting to sound like my mom. I don't know how many times my mom has said this to me.

"Have you been hurt before Angel Rose?" I ask the obvious but I'm too in my feelings right now.

"I've been hurt by the people I loved the most in the past but I knew staying angry wouldn't undo what was said and done. I had to forgive and move on with my life. I found something to keep me distracted while I dealt with the pain and with time the pain just dissolved" she makes it sound so easy.

I'm angry at a lot of people including my mother, father and ex wife Natalya. My father for not being the husband and father that he was supposed to be. My mother for tearing the family apart. Can I forgive them and move on with life like it never happened when every time I see them it hurts all over again. I don't think so.