Pain accompanies the euphoria. The more you try to be happy, Sire, you'll drown deeper in the melancholy. Because happiness is nothing but a nostalgia.
Atarah
Why was I sad? He had asked me. But that wasn't the right question because there wasn't a moment I didn't feel sad. The real question should have been, when was the last time I wasn't sad. Because I could count the number of times I had smiled of happiness and not just a facade to hide my pain. But he didn't had to know that. Nobody needed to know the pain, I kept nurturing inside me.
"What kind of question is that, Warrior?" I asked with a laughter as I took a few steps away from him. His eyes had the power to make me confess my pain, my truth, my most deepest buried secrets. His gaze made my insides to unwrap themselves. "A person is not always happy just like a person is not always sad. It's a never-ending cycle, Warrior Duncan. You don't have to worry yourself for some mere emotions bubbling inside me."
His impassive eyes turned sombre. Like they were looking through me, right into my soul, reading my destructive thoughts. And the idea of him looking through me scared me because no-one knew how dark my soul were. How scary and harmful my thoughts were and as much as they scared me, it provided me peace. And that was the biggest sign of me being a weak person. My self destructive nature.
"But that's the thing, healer, I never saw you happy." He pointed out and I gulped, turning to look at him. And for the umpteenth time since we met, I felt myself getting lost in those dark chasm, they called eyes. Or maybe his eyes were a gateway to another world, a world parallel to ours.
"But I am...... happy, now, Warrior." I said with a smile and he rose his brows, taking a step towards me and for some reason, him walking towards me didn't felt as unusual as it felt for the very first time.
"Are you, healer? Because I only see you smiling but not happy." He said, his voice sharper than any knife. I blinked, chuckling softly.
"Isn't smiling a way to express your happiness, Warrior Duncan?" I asked and he scoffed, placing his sabre on the counter beside him and my eyes widened at his actions.
No warrior is allowed to place their weapon down in front of any woman or man, they are not consort of.
"Your thoughts deceives your smile, healer. You smiling is not a way to express your happiness but a way to hide your pain. Or do you have an answer ready for this too?" His tone passed a shiver down my body. I licked my lips. My fingers tugging on the scarf on my head, feeling nervous. His eyes felt...... weirdly home. But his words, they felt like a brutal blow to my gut. But he was stating facts.
"Do not stress yourself, Warrior. It doesn't matter if you're happy or sad until you have a reason for living. Forget about my pain, it's.... it's a fallacy. But what brought you here today? Are you in pain? Or did your stitches got infected?" I asked and he looked at me for a solid minute, shaking his head as he took another step towards me and I took two steps back, making him clench his jaw in vexation.
"Pushing yourself to live won't motivate you for long, healer." He said, his tone dropping an octave and I smiled at him.
"I don't know why you're so interested in knowing about my pain today, Warrior. Nobody cared before. You didn't care before. Why this sudden change in the behaviour, Warrior Duncan?" He blinked at my question, shaking his head. He gripped his sabre before turning to look at me.
"My stitches got ripped last night. Can you have a look on them?" He asked and I nodded my head as I grabbed my mask and gloves before putting them in their right places.
"Would you like someone else to have a look on your stitches? I can always ask Bailey to clean them if you want." I said, taking him to one of the last remaining beds, away from the general crowd and I felt him freezing on his steps. I turned around to look at him, who had his dark eyes trained on me. They were so intense, so ominous that it made me shiver. Did I offend him? Feels like Bailey and Warrior Duncan share the mutual hatred for each other.
"Are you looking after any emergency patient?" He asked lowly and I swallowed nervously, shaking my head. I knew where this was going to end.
"I......" I trailed off when his eyes darkened visibly making me regret my decision of agreeing to help him. He was a royalty, I was warned of. All my life, I had been punished by the royalty for ruining their day by my presence and here I was, looking into the eyes of the deadly warrior, no-one knows about. "No. There's no emergency patients today." I confessed softly and he rose one of his brows at me.
"Then why can't you look at my stitches? Is it because of what that lady had told you? Are you scared of treating people now?" My eyes jerked up at his words. What the hell? He heard our conversation?
"I just need to be sure, Warrior Duncan. I am here to help people, not to induce the fear of catastrophe in them."
"And how is your condition in any way going to cause harm to people, healer? I've been hearing from you that you're cursed but who told you you're cursed? Did the God or angles came to you to tell you that you're cursed? Or did you just assume like those brainless people out there?" He asked, his voice turning dark and unforgiving.
When I didn't answer him, he took another step towards me, his eyes unwavering and focused on me. And for a second, I didn't knew why he was so interested in knowing about me suddenly.
"Tell me, healer, did any of the holy spirits came to tell you that you're cursed? Did anything ever happen when you touched somebody? Did they too got bald or lost their vision? Tell me." His voice never even rose once. But he didn't had to raise his voice to be authoritative. He was as dangerous in his low voice. He didn't had to even speak anything when his eyes were enough to freeze or burn a person in seconds.
"Let me have a look at your stitches. Can you please get
your cloak off you?" I asked instead and I saw his eyes narrowing as I ignored his question but he didn't say anything as he removed his cloak, only leaving a shirt on his upper torso.
It wasn't until he removed his cloak, I noticed the blood staining his crisp white, ironed shirt. My eyes widened at the amount of blood that was still oozing out of his wounds. I was quick to make him lie down on the bed.
"Can you please unbutton your shirt?" I asked with worry seeping my voice and he nodded his head, taking his shirt off his body. He didn't look like he was hurt. There was no trace of pain on his face. Maybe he was just too good at masking his pain or maybe he was just too inhumane to feel it.
"Looks like, you've even infected your stitches, Warrior Duncan. And how did you rip these stitches? It looks like someone purposely did that." I said, feeling his pain somewhere inside me. Like the blood was oozing out of his abdomen but it hurt me from within. I didn't knew why but I felt the sudden stabbing pain in my lower abdomen.
"Things happen in war, healer." He said calmly and I looked at him with shock. Things? Things! It looked like someone clawed his stitched up wound open, deliberately. And for him they were merely things?
"I need to disinfect your wounds first, Warrior Duncan. Do you need any painkiller?" I asked as I got my cotton balls, scissors, antiseptic ready. He rose his left brow at my question and I almost rolled my eyes at how he doesn't need any painkiller. After all, he had defeated an army all alone. Freaking bullshit!
"This may hurt a bit." I warned him as I started to work on his wounds. But he seemed so unfazed. Wasn't it hurting him? Instead of screaming in pain, he was staring at me like I was painting his nails.
I tried to concentrate on his wounds. Once I was done cleaning his wounds and stitching it up again, I washed my hands before filling a cup with water before handing it to him. He looked at me in confusion and I pushed the cup in his hands.
"Drink it. It's just water. You should keep yourself hydrated, Warrior. Especially when you're camping in the forest, especially in the heat. I am giving you an ointment, Warrior, apply it twice every day until you feel your pain reducing, hm?" I saw his lips twitching a bit as he held the glass, looking at the water with amusement.
"Surprisingly, healer, water doesn't sate me." He said as he took a sip of water and grimaced. I froze at his words. If water doesn't sate him, what does? Blood?
I saw Warrior Duncan's eyes gazing at me as his lips twitched again in amusement.
"Yes, exactly that sates me, healer." He mumbled and I tilted my face, looking at him in horror.
"Huh?"
"You look like you just saw a blood sucking creature, healer. Looks like you are in the real need of water." He said, sliding his glass of water towards me and I took a step back, getting rid of my gloves and mask as I threw them into the dustbin before sanitizing my hands again. Was he simply messing with me or was he giving me hints of who he really was. Could he hear my thoughts. Great Lord of Heavens, do not let that happen.
"Please refrain yourself from sharing things with me, Warrior Duncan. You may not want to be associated with me. Anything else I can assist you with, Sir?" I asked and I saw him taking a deep breath in. He shook his head as he picked his stained shirt and I was quick to stop him.
"Is there a problem, healer?" He asked, looking at me with his raised brows. And my cheeks heated up under his intense gaze. Sweet Lord.
"I don't think it's a wise idea to wear this shirt without washing, Sir Duncan." I said and folded his hands against his chest and I kept my gaze on his face. Strictly on his face.
"And, healer, what do you expect me to wear? Your hospital gowns?" I rolled my eyes at him. I did. I really did roll my eyes at him this time and Almighty, it felt so great to be such rebellious at times.
"No, Sir Duncan. But all I'm asking you is not to wear this stained shirt. It already has dust, mud and blood on it. And trust me, you don't want to infects those stitches again. Just buy a new shirt, there's a shop in the second lane from here." He looked at his shirt and then at me before he gripped his cloak.
"Do you have any idea how expensive raiment are now due to the famine, healer? And I'm a strong warrior; dust, mud or blood won't infect me so easily, do you get me?"
"And yet you're here to disinfect your stitches, Warrior." I later realized what I had said. I had been sarcastic with him. Sassy Atarah was the Atarah, I had never seen in my entire life before. Warrior Duncan pulled different shades of me and he didn't even knew it.
"How about you buy me a shirt, healer? I'll consider it as a p*****t for not arresting you yesterday for trespassing in my camp."
"Are you trying to ask me for a bribe, Sir Duncan?"