The Best Man for Me

The Best Man for Me by J.D. Walker “If anyone can show just cause as to why these two men may not be joined together, speak now or—” “Stop the wedding!” A collective gasp came from the small crowd. I reached over and slapped the best man—my friend since childhood, and my ex-boyfriend—on the back of the head. The groomsmen chuckled behind us. “Shut up, Rodney,” I growled. “Ow! What the f**k, Royce?” he complained as he rubbed the sore spot. “Cut the crap, moron. We need to wrap up the rehearsal so I can go back to the office and get some work done. Quit screwing around.” Rodney turned to face me, hands on his hips. “You’re thinking about work the night before your wedding? That’s messed up, dude.” “Now’s not the time, Rodney.” “Hell yeah, it’s the time. I’m trying to get you to come to your senses, asshole. This whole thing is a joke, man. The groom isn’t even here. You’re making the biggest mistake of your life!” Chris, one of the four groomsmen behind us, interjected, “Dude, you’re way out of line.” “No, I’m not. He’s just being stubborn,” Rodney retorted. I threw my hands up in the air. “Here we go again! What is it with you lately? I mean, you’ve always hated Thad, but ever since you found out about the engagement, you’ve really been overbearing. Now’s not the time to turn into a jealous d**k. You broke up with me years ago. Why can’t you just let it go? Don’t you want me to be happy?” “Of course I do! But Royce, you don’t see what I see. My best friend is turning himself inside out to marry a guy who doesn’t even care enough to show up for the rehearsal dinner! Get a clue, hon. Thad is a major dickhead, especially for not being here. You could do so much better.” “Okay, Rodney is being a d**k, but he has a point, Royce,” Ben, another groomsman, chimed in. “Short of an emergency, Thad should be here. It’s kind of shitty that he’s not. Hell, I would call off my own wedding over something like that.” I heard murmurs of agreement from the others. “Hello? This is my goddamn wedding! How dare you…You know what? f**k. You. All.” I turned back to the officiator. “My apologies, Mr. Johnson. We’re done here. I’ll see you tomorrow night at the ceremony. And since everyone else, including my ex-boyfriend has a problem with this wedding and the man I plan to marry, don’t bother showing up!” I yelled. Before I could take more than two steps, however, Rodney grabbed me by the shoulder. “Royce, honey, stop!” I tried to shrug him off but he wouldn’t budge. I’d forgotten how strong he was. “Let me go, fuckwit.” “No. Please, just listen a sec, okay? Look, I’m a prick. We both know that. Let’s just finish the rehearsal, okay? I’m really sorry. Hell, we’re all sorry, right guys?” I heard murmurs all around me. “You’re right. This is your wedding and we should be supporting you, not picking fights. We were way out of line.” “Yes, you were.” Closing my eyes for a moment, I took a deep breath to calm down. I just wanted the night to be over. I let Rodney turn me around to face Mr. Johnson again, who then proceeded with the ceremony. “By all the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the groom.” I had no intention of having a lip-lock with Rodney, but he had other ideas. He grabbed me, bent me over his arm and kissed the living daylights out of me. I pushed him away, of course, but not before his firm, yet pliable lips reminded me of high school and hot nights spent f*****g each other at his parents’ house. But that was a long time ago, before he broke us up. “Rodney! f**k! Enough already,” I groused and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “You just can’t help being a s**t, can you?” He tried to look contrite, but failed, as usual. “I thought it would get you to relax. It used to work whenever you were in a snit, back when we were together.” “Well, we’re not together anymore. Maybe you should remember that. Come on, let’s go.” I grabbed his elbow and we marched down the aisle quickly as the music played and the groomsmen walked behind us. Once the rehearsal ended, I thanked everyone and apologized for my earlier outburst. I headed toward my car as fast as I could, desperate to put the ruined evening out of my memory. Unfortunately, I heard familiar footsteps behind me. Rodney Fanning just never knew when to quit, except that one time in high school when he quit us.