Her, His, & Roses

HER - Chapter 1: Can’t Help Myself (2 of 2)

“Ah no, I’m not.” girl taking his hand to stand up. “Wow, you’re so handsome! I can’t even get mad at you when I’m supposed to be mad.”

“Shh, his woman is watching.” the girl’s friend told her when she noticed that I’m looking at them.

“No, I’m not his woman.” waving my hands to them. “I barely even know this man.” clearing the misunderstanding as I smile at them.

“She’s right.” he said. “I’m only following her here though I’m not supposed to be here at this moment and should be on that way.”

“We understand.” girls rushing out to leave us two alone together.

“They really mean that they understand, right?” watching the girls leave before I turned to the man.

“I hope so, by the way, I’m Ryan Lewis.” reaching out his hand to me.

“Hera Nevaeh.” shaking his hand. “You said, you’re not supposed to be here so you’re not a student in the college of nursing.” pointing the signage to him.

“I’m actually a student in college of medicine.” looking at his wrist watch. “It’s nice meeting you, Ms. Nevaeh but I think I have to go now.”

“It’s nice meeting you too, Mr. Lewis.” watching him take his leave.

Ryan Lewis, born in Spokane, Washington, U.S. on 9th of September 1952. I’m a month older than him but because he’s a foreigner and new to the Korean culture, we’re casual to each other.

Though he was hitting on me, the first time we met, we become friends eventually even though he’s from another college, we’re still schoolmates since we’re attending the same university anyway.

“You really are a friend to all, but none of them are real to you.” Ryan said as he watches my classmates go on to their own way.

“Does it matter? At least I’m not a loner like you, I told you to make friends within your department at least if not in your classroom.”

“I don’t want to be surrounded by fake people; besides I already have you, one true friend is enough for me.” opened the door of his car for me. “They’re only nice to you because they’re getting something.”

“That’s why everyone calling you a snubber.” getting in to his passenger seat. “You’re good looking that’s why everyone is attentive to you, you look kind but you reject people with a smile on your face.”

“I was born looking like this, and why am I a snubber just because I don’t want to be bothered by anyone?” putting on his seatbelt.

“I can’t argue with you on that.” sighing.

“Are you still being pestered by some men and confessing their love to you until now?” stepping on the gas as we hit the road.

“Not anymore since we made that lie last summer vacation, no one dared to put up a fight with you.” looking through the car window.

It’s just a misunderstanding that we never cleared to anyone when they saw me and Ryan embracing each other at the beach.

It was Hebe’s 1st birthday and instead of throwing out a party for my child’s 1st year, I was out on a vacation with my so-called friends.

Ryan caught me crying and he put my head on his shoulders.

He never asked me the reason of my loneliness and just let me cry until I’ve got no more tears left.

That’s when we started to be best of friends to each other and the rumor that him and I were lovers.

From the 2nd semester of our 1st year until my graduation in college we made everyone believe that we’re together even though we’re not.

As long as we know the truth ourselves, we don’t care what anyone think about us, but we made it clear with our families that we’re just friends before they plan to get us engaged.

“Are you certain that you’re applying to the hospital in Goyang and not here in Seoul?” HR manager asking me for one last time before she put a stamp on my paper. “Many graduates want to get here in the capital but you want to be in the province??!”

“I’m certain ma’am. I want to do my 1st year of residency in Gyeonggi, the main branch have the best doctors and nurses so I want to make my own name first before I come here and work with them. I want to prove my worth in order to stand with them confidently.” I replied.

“I understand.” nodding at me. “I can’t believe that I’m sending a graduate from YU to our branch in Goyang, I’ll be criticized for this decision but because this is your choice, I’ll deploy you to your chosen location. Don’t tell me I didn’t tried to convinced you to work here.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” watching her stamped my contract of deployment to Gyeonggi branch.

With my grades I could easily work for the best hospitals in the capital but what I really want is to get near where my child is.

I know my parents would not allow me to go back to Goyang because we all know what’s in there but I’m done waiting for the right time.

“Fine, let’s see if you can really provide now for yourself and that abomination!” Papa Cronus walked out after he said all what he wanted me to hear from him.

“Just because you’ve got a decent job now, you think you can do it on your own without our funding.” Mama Rhea said mockingly. “From now on, you and that child won’t receive anything from this family. You want to be a mother to that sick child, go ahead!”

“Thank you, Mama, for raising me until now.” bowing my head to her. “You’re a mother too so I know deep inside you understand me, you’ve been a good mother and I’m the bad child here but still you always care for me no matter what I do.” about to walk out through the door after I look at my mother’s face for a while.

“I’m telling you Hera, if you walk out that door, don’t ever think of coming back here ever again!” Mama Rhea shouted at me.

“I love you Mama but I’m sorry, I have to go.” walking out with all the courage I’ve got to turn my back on my family.

For 4 years, we pretended like nothing happened within our family and live normally like we used to before.

But I can’t help myself from thinking of what I left behind just to have the comfortable life.

I know I’m being ungrateful for what my parents have given to me but I can’t live peacefully knowing that I abandon my own child.

I’ve been saving all the money I received for 4 years for Hebe’s maintenance and checkups that is good enough for two years.

I know that they would hold my bank account so I always withdrew all the money and gave it to Ryan for safekeeping.

“You really moved out from your parents, huh?” Ryan driving me to Goyang from Gangnam. “What are you going to do with US$ 128,350?”

“I could only use US$ 8,350 on my own, I already allotted the others to something that I have to pay from now on.” I replied.

“We’ve been friends for almost 4 years now, why do you still keeping secrets from me? Am I not that reliable to you??” he uttered.

“Even if we know each other since we were born, you won’t be able to know everything about me, so quit being too nosy about my business.”

“You are only sassy on me but you were always the nicest, kindest, smartest, and warm-hearted person to everyone.” smirking.

“I can only be true to you so bear with it.” looking ahead on the road.

“It’s not easy to be Hera Nevaeh’s best friend.” sighing heavily. “Now I know why I can stay friends with you for long without falling in love.”

“I know that we can only be friends from the beginning, though you’re good looking and physically attractive, you and I are impossible.”

“I regret that I had a crush on you during the 1st semester of our 1st year, you’re just a beautiful face but your personality …”

“What? What about my personality??!” threatening him with my look.

“You’re really scary when you’re angry even though you’re such a dork.”

“You know me well my best friend.” tapping his shoulder.

“But I’m lucky enough to know the real you, not the person that you’re trying to portray to everyone around you.” glancing at me.

“So, you like it when I’m taking out my anger on you instead of the person, I’m really angry at?” trying to lighten up the mood.

“That’s what I hate about you.” he replied. “You never showed to anyone that you’re angry but you’re letting it all out on me.”

“Ahaha, that’s because I’m comfortable around you and you always stay by my side no matter what I say or do.” glancing at him. “Thank you for being a true friend of mine, Ryan Lewis.”

“What are you thanking me for, dummy.” smiling shyly. “You’re the only friend that I’ve got since I moved here in this country.”

“If I don’t know you well, I might say that you’re bluffing because you were hitting on me the first time we met. Others were content to look at me from a distance but you, you’re too confident to talk to me.”

“Remember the motto of our school, ‘The truth will set you free’. I’ve been attracted to you when the first time I saw you so I followed you though I’ve never chase after girls before even in U.S.” he said.

“So, you’re just being true to yourself then by staring, following, and talking to me freely. Not because you’re too confident about your good looks to talk with a random girl you just saw?”

“I guessed so, why are you bringing the past up?!” chuckles. “I already get over with my crush on you, we can only be just friends, sorry.”

“Excuse me??!” chuckles. “Even if you’re the last man standing on earth, I think I’m going to pass on you. I rather be a spinster than to be with an anti-social like you who only care about himself.”

“That’s not true, I care about you … second to myself of course.”

“Figures … if you continue living like that, you’re going to be a bachelor for the rest of your life.” giving him a piece of advice.

“You weren’t in a relationship before too, so who are you to tell me what to do with my love life? Mind your own business, will you??”

“Who said I’ve never been into a relationship? I had one before in high school but it was too complicated so it has to end.”

“Ooh, I like where this is heading.” glancing at me. “You’re not just making up a story because you want to be ahead of me, right?”

“I wished I’m just making things up since it’ll be easier for me to forget but it’s the truth about my past.” staring ahead at the road.

“I’m all ears tell me everything, I want to know if it has something to do with your recurring depression every 1st week of August. Yeah, I’m paying attention to you ever since and I’m becoming a doctor so I’m keen with every detail about the person I’m hanging out with.”

“I’m not sure if I should tell you or not but since you’re giving me an assurance that you’re loyal to me, I’ll tell you but … not everything.”

“Fine, just tell me what you can and I’ll just try to fill up the blanks if I can or maybe not since you’re not going to be specific anyway.”

“I’ve got a 4-year-old daughter in an orphanage in Goyang.”

Ryan stepped on the break immediately. “You’ve got to be f*cking kidding me?!!” glancing at me. “Cut the bullsh*t! You’re serious??!”

“She got a heart disease so the US$ 120,000 is good for her two years’ quality healthcare and it’s her birthday every 2nd of August.”

“Whoa! Wait, you need to slow down. I’m still on the first part of your revelation.” frowning. “Does it mean that you became a mother at the age of 18??! And you left your daughter in an orphanage??!”

“6 days before I turned 18, and yes, I left Hebe in the care of nuns.”

“Who’s the father?? Where the hell is that man?? Did he just get you pregnant and ran away from his responsibilities??!” getting worked up as he step on the gas again to continue our trip.

“I don’t want to talk about him, the only thing I care about is to be with my daughter even if I can’t tell her that I’m her mother.”

“Considering your family reputation, I think I know why you had to get separated from your own child. Now I know the reason you’re getting wrapped up in depression annually and why you look sad all the time even though you’re working hard to smile and laugh with everyone.”

“Good name and big reputation, because of the power that my family wields we’ve got a great responsibility.” smiling bitterly.

“I don’t know if I should tell you this but thank you Hera, thank you for sharing your secret with me.” patting my head with his hand.

“You cannot tell to anyone about it, promise me that you’re going to bring it to your grave.” holding his hand down from my head.

“To whom shall I tell? I’m anti-social remember?” holding my hand.

I told everything what I’ve been through when I got exiled as I let it all out to him while he’s driving me to my destination.

He only listened to me and replied when necessary, it felt like I’m getting all the heart aching moments of my life out once and for all.

We arrived at the hospital staff’s residence in the evening so I asked him to stay for the night and return to the capital in the morning.

They say that it’s impossible for a man and a woman to be just friends but we’re the living proof that it’s possible.

“So, this is the church?” getting off from his car as we arrived at the church to attend the morning mass since it’s the 1st Sunday of March.

“Yeah, this is the church. Promise me, you won’t do anything stupid.”

“But I do want to meet the mini version of you.” smiling at me. “You don’t know what she looks like too, right?”

“I only know that her name is Yuri Kwon but her image in my head is still an infant, I don’t know if I can recognize the 4-year-old her.”

“That’s why I’m here for. I’ll help you find her among the other children without asking for her name.” he confidently said as he walks off first towards the church.

“You look more excited to meet her than I am.” following him nervously.

As we entered the church, the children were gathered at the corner and sing every song during the mass.

Maybe it’s a motherly instinct but I can’t keep my eyes off at the girl singing in the middle, she’s so small but her angelic voice stands out.

“You’re not going to talk to her?” concern about me. “I think it’s normal if you approach the children like what everyone does.”

“Maybe next time, I’m not ready yet.” having cold feet.

“Oh, come on, you’ve been waiting for this moment for over four years!” pushing me towards the children. “It’ll be fine, you’ll be alright.”

“This is a bad idea, Ryan! I told you I’m not ready yet!” getting pushed.

“Ms. Hera Nevaeh.” Sister Akira stand on my way when she recognized me walking towards the children.

“Sister Akira, you still recognized me after 4 years.” getting anxious.

“How would I not with that beautiful face of yours?” Sister Akira replied. “You still look the same after 4 years.” holding my hands. “And who is this good-looking man on your side?” turning to Ryan.

“Oh, he’s my friend, Ryan Lewis.” gesturing to Ryan to show some manners to Sister Akira.

“Sister.” kissing the back of the hand of Sister Akira.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been greeted that way.” Sister Akira chuckles. “It’s different how people greet us here in Korea than in Western country.” looking at me and Ryan. “Are you here for Yuri?”

“Can I see her, Sister Akira? Am I allowed to get near her?” asking anxiously even though she didn’t know the truth about me and Yuri.

“Of course, my dear, your family is helping her since she was an infant, she’s lucky that it’s your family who picked her up.” Sister Akira said.

-End of Chapter 1