Can't Resist His Charm

He's hurting

Bryan

I lie in my bed, wide awake thinking about that night we were drunk. The way he had stroked my bottom lip and then the upper. How his long fingers had played with my ear. How he had kissed the sides of my face then stretched out next to me, resting his hand on my naked chest, one finger snaking up to touch my n*pple. But he had not lingered there- had he done so…he would have realized that I was awake. I had felt the tingles knowing it was hardening.

I was shocked myself.

His lips pressing to the side of my chest and I liked it. But no, I am a man- a non-gay man. I fought it but I know I am losing. I keep thinking about it- an entire week later. His body against the wall in the poolroom…I can’t get it out of my mind. I have to get it out- I have other things to concentrate on…like Mel, my girlfriend.

My last thought before I succumb to sleep is of how he had snuggled up next to me, under my covers, that night.

Something woke me and I don’t know what. I stare into the darkness waiting for my eyes to adjust but before that happens, I hear a soft whimper. It’s coming from the floor. Damian. At least I think he’s having a nightmare and who wouldn’t with parents like that? Very silently I peep out to the floor. Except it wasn’t the case now. He was not having a nightmare- he was very much awake. Damian is weeping …

Honestly, I don’t know how he would react if he knew I am awake, so I put my head back on the bed and just listen. My heart aches for him, every time I hear the stifled sounds he makes. He’s crying and trying to not disturb me I realize, and that knowledge is also painful to me. Wanting to reach out to him still I hesitate, I just turn to face him on the edge of the bed, tucking one hand beneath my cheek. Then he gets up and walks to the bathroom a few minutes later. I can hear the running water and him blowing his nose.

I look at the clock- 3:15 am.

After school the next day, we both head to the basketball court two blocks from my home to shoot some hoops, with the neighbouring kids. I know that he is reserved because he has something on his mind- something that brought him to tears. Knowing it was not Natalie made me feel better- I am selfish. I am happy that she is the furthest thing from his mind.

It has something to do with his family- his sister perhaps. I can only take a guess until he opens up to me, which is what today is about. He shoots, hoop after hoop. He smiles, he high-fives the younger kids and even shows them how to angle their hands properly but he does not open up to me.

Damian is lonely.

He has learned how to depend on himself already. He thinks of himself as his own shield. His own teammate, he fights alone. He supports himself.

It’s admirable.

Me? Never. Without my parents, I am a baby out in the cold. Thank goodness my sister and I have great parents who we can fall or lean on whenever or if ever we feel weak. We all tend to think we can stand on our own when we have supportive parents- especially the rebellious teens. I have seen it all. My parents support kids like this- well try to as some end up homeless or worse on the streets selling their bodies to survive or even support their drug addiction. Some end up dead.

Damian fights his battles alone. He is strong but even the strong feel miserable, alone and weak sometimes…even him. I remember his tears and my stomach clenches. He is hurting but still wears a smile.

“Hey, you got a printer?” he throws at me as we pick our school jackets up from the fence and make our way to my car when some other guys come over to play a game. They had asked us to join in but we declined as we have an assignment to finish.

“Yeah,” I reply and we would use that as the excuse today if my parents were home.

“Oh, you can use the study room. Damian, you might as well move in,” my mother jokes from one of the dens later as we head to the study room.

My sister Amanda is in the room next door- the game room. She waves when she sees us well at Damian, for she sticks her tongue out at me. I return her greeting by raising my upper lip, “Tch.”

“Wouldn’t this be easier if you had a laptop,” I say when he connects his flash drive to mine.

He shrugs his shoulder and replies, “I guess, but I don’t have one.”

“Why not buy one?”

“Are you kidding? I’m saving up for rent. I can use the computer at school and print my work out at any printery,” he looks around the room for the printer when his work opens up.

I walk over to it in the corner on top of one of the two huge desks and power it on. This is just for my sister and me as my father and mother each have their own printers in their offices, on the other side of the house. “I told you that you can stay her-”

“How long will you sneak me into your room?” he interrupted me without looking up from the bright screen in front of him and I think I like his words, for my heart did a double beat, inside my chest.

“As long as it takes,” I say softly and his head slowly turns in my direction.

What the hell am I doing? What am I even saying?

His face mirrors his feelings- surprise. But why when I had told him this before? Is this one of the moments when people need to reassure the other person that they meant what they said previously? I am aware that people often said things that they did not mean just out of politeness and it was up to the discretion of the other person, to not press further.

“Damian, if you can handle it- the sneaking in and out, you can stay here till school is over. High school anyway. But if you can’t then I understand it. But you can live- with me. Here- in my parents’ house- er- in my room, I mean.” In between each pause I made, I had looked away and then back at him for his stare had me uneasy. See, I have never done anything like this but I did not want him to leave.

A furrow settles itself between his brows but he does not speak.

“Er, well if not and you need the cash, you can use the money I left for you,” I mutter, scratching my head but in my head, I am begging him not to take the money and leave.

“How will I pay you back?”

Oh, he wanted to leave. I am confused. So why did he touch me that way?

My eyes widen. He knew I was awake and was toying with me that night. Payback for all the gay talks I had given him? My chest feels congested and I look down to the floor. Seriously? He was playing with me?