Trace of A Broken Lead

zero.human

N  A  T  A  S  H  A

. . .

I have insomnia but it doesn't affect my body.

I was fifteen year old when I started a day without sleeping. Hindi naging maganda dahil lagi akong nakakaramdam ng gutom kaya nagmimidnight snack tuloy ako. Feel ko tumataba ako, hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hindi ako makatulog.

I was mentally healthy, wala akong problema sa acads, pamilya, pera at sa crushlife pa. Maganda at marangya ang buhay ko kaya walang dahilan para manatili akong gising tuwing gabi para mag-overthink ng mga bagay. Pinapansin rin naman ako ng crush ko.

I was just staring at the ceiling, forcing myself to sleep. A week had passed and I was getting frustrated but I noticed that nothing's changed in me. I mean, I can still walk, smile, eat, and move like I had a good night. I don't feel drained even though I didn't get a sleep.

And I was surprisingly getting jolly everyday. Don't make me wrong about this, I don't take any drugs. And as I was saying, I am perfectly healthy!

I enjoyed using those night time that almost everyone couldn't spend it whole without a single sleep in one week. I sneaked out of the mansion and go to a nearest bar like a rebel—not until I was almost jailed because the police caught me in curfew hours with a bumped car.

Kuya Henry, on the other hand, don't like this idea. Siguro dahil masyado lang siyang protective at hindi niya ako mabantayan tuwing gabi dahil makakatulog siya at nakakatakas ako.

Si Mr. Walter naman, ang taong umampon sa akin nang mamatay ang mga magulamg ko, hinahayaan lang ako sa mga gusto ko. Tinatanong niya pa nga ako kung kamusta ang mga nararamdaman ko. He's a pathologist, but he sounds like a psychiatrist whenever he's asking about my feelings.

One day, I had it all. I was downed because I failed my exams and I have blank scores in final. Teachers were disappointed because of me, and they said I am going to repeat another year. I was humiliated, I wanted to forget it forawhile.

That night, I wished I could sleep.

Then it occured to me, is it really bad to spend one third of life for just sleeping?

Sleeping feels good, it makes us rest. It makes us to temporarily forget the reality. It makes us dream like we were diving in our unconcious mind.

Wala ba talagang kasiyahan sa pagtulog katulad ng iniisip ko noon? Hindi ba importante ang pagtulog katulad ng mahahalagang gawain?

That's when I felt that having this kind of abnormality was sickening. It felt like you were stuck in this cruel reality, there's no dreaming. There's no rest, you were forever stuck in your concious mind. You forget too slow because you can't sleep, you can't be distracted for awhile.

"Seeing darkness makes me feel like sleeping but the truth is I was still drowning in my own thoughts."

I was too young to handle the humiliation so I wished for Mr. Walter to treat this abnormality. Even though I don't know if a 'pathologist' covers that course.

Yes, I was dumb. Now I know what pathologist means, it's a doctor who examined dead bodies.

But I was not dead yet he treated me like one. . .

He discovered that I really can't sleep because my body gaves me unlimited stamina for whole 24 hours. And I can only recharge by just the light of sun. It terrifies me, no human can do that.

I am not a human.

"W-why are you doing this to me? Please, gusto ko ng umuwi, Mr. Walter. . ."

"You're still helping us, Natasha."

"Help? Ako ang nangangailangan ng tulong bakit kayo pa ang tutulungan ko?"

"You have something that we don't have." he grin which makes me flinch. "You'll be our human—source of electricity."

Sa araw na 'yon, hindi ko na naramdaman na tao pa ako. . .