The Complete Lightning Touch Series Box Set

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

“Oh... Sorry...” he said slowly. “I need to take my foot out of my mouth... Don’t go all mushy on me now!”

Too late. I couldn’t answer. I was busy trying not to make a sound so he wouldn’t hear me crying.

“Cal, I’m sorry. Don’t cry...”

I’d been holding my breath to keep quiet, but a little sob escaped my lips when he said that.

“Aw, sorry. I messed up...” He sounded upset.

I realised he was standing still in the middle of a tunnel. A rush of adrenalin washed over me and as I thought of how much trouble we’d be in for doing nothing, a tightness spread across my chest. We always made sure we kept going constantly, so they wouldn’t have a reason to separate us.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to compose myself. How could I keep it together when I felt like I was falling to pieces?

The diagnostics programs had finished and I frowned. “Diagnostics says there are no problems with the hardware or software.” I could hear the waver in my voice, but I kept going. “That’s weird. Why was it giving me false info?” I shrugged. “I’ll run it again later and see if it picks anything up then. Now, I need you to turn to your right and head downhill for about forty metres, then left and keep following the main tunnel.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” He didn’t say it with his usual enthusiasm, and I could tell he was hurting too. His voice crackled over the airwaves. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” My voice was strange. Hollow somehow. The tears had stopped, but my heart was heavy. I had to make myself think about something else. What could I talk about to change the subject?

I was about to ask what he was planning to do on his next day off, but Javolo beat me to it and told me about the storm that was brewing outside on the surface when he was on his lunch break. He wondered if it would still be raging when it was time to return to the station. That could cause delays with take-off and he would be late getting home.

“I’m at the shuttle,” he finally announced, “and the storm is starting to get wild.”

So he might have trouble getting back to the space station. Besides that problem, I was still relieved. I didn’t have to give directions anymore. Directions I might mess up.

My mind wandered to the first day I’d worked with Javolo. It had been like a breath of fresh air when I hadn’t been breathing. He charmed his way onto the airwaves and made working as a Nav a thousand times more interesting.

Since then, I’d been much happier in my work. In fact, despite the old equipment and the stresses on me every day, I really liked my work. As soon as that thought had materialised in my mind, I wondered if it was the work, or Javolo’s company that made me love my job so much... I knew the answer.

“I’m finished down here,” he informed me.

“Head back up the main tunnel.” I had to make sure we didn’t waste any more time today.

“Yup.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about everything while he walked.

The thought of having to work without Javolo on the other end of the Com hit me hard again. Why was I reacting like this? I’d known from the start that it was only temporary.

Was it because I was already emotional after Malvolio’s crap? It had to be. I wiped my eyes quickly and tried to focus.

“Where to, Boss Lady?” His question startled me.

“Umm, hang on,” I stumbled.

I had no idea. I hadn’t been paying any attention to where he was walking or where he should be heading next.

“Okay, but you need to focus, girl. You’re off with the pixies today. You can’t be distracted while I’m out here.”

I knew that, but I just couldn’t do it. “I know. I’m sorry... Um, go left,” I told him.

“Yes, Ma’am!” I could imagine him saluting inside the Mech-suit, the suit’s arm moving in time with his.

He walked along for a few moments. “Cal, I can’t go through there,” he said. “It’s a large cavern with a ten metre drop!”

“Oh, sorry! Let me reconfigure this...”

I wiped away more tears. I needed to get it right, or I would kill my only friend. That thought made me feel even worse. How could I face losing him?

I gave myself a mental slap. Get it together, girl! Focus!

“Turn around and head back to the turn where I told you to turn left and turn the opposite way instead.” I sat up straighter and tried to reign in my thoughts.

“Okay... Hang on... I recognise this place. You know I’ve been here before, don’t you? We’ve covered this section before and cleaned it out.”

My stomach sank. “Oh, crap... I’m really sorry...”

I couldn’t do this. I had to get out of here before I really messed up.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked me, and I could hear the concern in his voice, even with it being off-frequency.

“I... I’m... not feeling well,” I stammered. It was partly true. I didn’t feel well at all. The tension was tying my stomach in knots and giving me a killer headache. And I hadn’t eaten any lunch. I took a deep breath. “I need to request a replacement Operator. Please stand by.”

I was fumbling for the words, but also choking back tears. I didn’t want him to know I was crying again.

Why? I asked myself. Why can’t I keep it together?

Malvolio had really messed up my head. How could he just come in here during my lunch break and drop a bomb on me like that? How could anyone go back to work and pretend nothing’s wrong?

Everyone leaves.

I took a deep breath. I can do this. “I’ll guide you back to the shuttle.”

“Alright,” he said, “Just make sure you don’t give me the wrong directions on the way back. Then go home and rest, but hurry up and get better — I don’t know who they’ll pair me up with while you’re gone.”

“Okay. Sorry.” I can do this, I told myself again.

“Don’t be sorry. Just get yourself better.”

He started heading back as I put in my request. I managed to guide him back out without messing up again.

“Just kidding about hurrying up. You take all the time you need to get better.”

I tried not to think too much about how much his words affected me. I needed to focus.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked again once he was back at the shuttle. His voice had an edge to it, and I could feel that he genuinely cared about my well-being, which only made me want to cry more.

After taking a deep breath, I said, “Yeah. I just need to rest, like you said...”

Need to sort my head out. Need to get out of here...

I took in another big breath. Just need to wait for the replacement... You can do this... Just a bit longer...

Javolo told me he’d gone to wait inside the shuttle out of the storm. I tried hard to hold it together, but talking was too hard for me to manage. We waited in silence.

After waiting what seemed like an eternity, my substitute Operator arrived. It turned out to be Nadesha Salvani. She should be okay, I told myself, Javolo shouldn’t have a problem working with her.

As I greeted her, Salvani asked me if I was okay.

“Yeah, I’ll be alright. I’m just frustrated because the way I’m feeling is affecting my ability to do my job.”

It wasn’t a lie.

Salvani nodded, causing her dark curls to bob about on her head. “I totally understand,” she told me.

I wasted no time getting her up to date with what we’d done during the day. I said goodbye to Javolo, which upset me more than it should have, but I managed to hide it from him and Salvani. Well, at least I thought I did.

I logged off, said goodbye, thanked Salvani, and left the room, then headed straight to the nearest rest room. I felt like I was out of control. I could feel my emotions rising to the surface. I had to get away from everyone.

Once I’d reached the ladies’ room and checked that it was empty, I rushed into the nearest cubicle and burst into tears. I put the lid down and sat on the toilet, covering my face. Everything was too much for me and I knew from experience that letting it all out would make me feel better and make it easier to deal with getting out of here and going home. Bottling it all up always made it difficult for me to function. I’d proven that to myself yet again.

This confirmed that I’d been right all along. I shouldn’t have started a relationship with Malvolio. I should have known I’d end up getting hurt. Again.

Are all men the same, or is it just the men in my life?

My father left us when I was eight-years-old and my brother, Adamo, was five. I’d watched as our mother fell apart. I’d helped her out as much as a young kid could and kept Adamo company while she cried alone in her room. We were a broken family for a long time, but she’d eventually recovered enough for us to be a family again, and I missed them both right now.

It had been twelve years, but the pain was still raw. My father had found someone new and moved on.

I’d met Jace at uni and we’d been together for two years before he dumped me. Said it wasn’t working. Said I was too boyish. Too much like his mates. And I found out later that he’d been seeing someone else while he was still with me. That messed me up for a long time.

Once I felt that I was over Jace, Malvolio came along and made me feel loved. Made me feel special.

Now Malvolio had left me. Sort of. The conditions for his offer of a second chance were ridiculous, so I was sure it was over between us. Especially since I couldn’t meet those conditions.

I pushed those thoughts away. They were not making me feel any better. There was no one I could talk to here on the station. I knew I’d have to get through this on my own.

After I’d calmed down, I felt I could tell Malvolio that I didn’t want another chance. I forced myself to stop crying so I could get home.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to face work tomorrow. I’d deal with that when I came to it. Right now, I had to get out of the rest room and go home. I stepped out of the cubicle and washed my face.

I’d have to hope I wasn’t seen by too many people on my way out. I didn’t want anyone to see that I’d been crying. There would be too many questions. The very nature of my job required that I be emotionally stable and focused, so I worried they’d send me for some counselling sessions. I did not want to sit in some psyche’s office and talk to some stranger about my problems.

I debated whether to call in sick in the morning. That would buy me some time to sort my head out. I decided to see how I felt later that night. I didn’t want a repeat of today.

As soon as I left the rest room, I heard a familiar voice. “Callista. My office. Now.”