Red Alert

Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

FRIDAY DAWNED COLD and clear. A week had passed since my New Year’s Eve meltdown, everyone was tiptoeing on eggshells around me, and as I’d done every Friday for the last two months, I walked slowly down the winding path, carrying a bunch of flowers.

Roses. White ones. The same as Ryan had given me on our first proper date, and the same as he’d sent me on the anniversary of that date every month since.

Never again.

It seemed fitting to come to the cemetery on a Friday. Friday had been the day he died. I took a right turn and walked along a row of headstones. The early January sun hung low in the sky as if it too couldn’t see a reason to get out of bed in the morning. The rays hadn’t even been warm enough to melt the frost today, and the wings of a stone angel sparkled as I passed by.

All too soon, I came to the grave second from the end and dropped to my knees. The black marble gleamed, so shiny I could see the blurred outline of my face as I wept. He hadn’t been there long enough for the stone to weather.

Two months, though it seemed like forever. Forever since I’d seen him, forever since I’d breathed his musky scent, forever since I’d felt his arms around me. Forever since I’d heard his voice whispering, “I love you.”

Forever since I’d said those last angry words to him.

I swept away a few leaves that had gathered in front of his headstone and lifted the flowers I’d left last week aside, replacing them with the fresh ones. As if by removing the dying blooms, I could somehow keep my life with him alive.

There was one other tribute besides mine. A single black rose. I knew who had left it.

Emmy.

My relationship with Ryan wasn’t the only thing that had shattered that terrible day. My bond with my sister had also been broken.

Okay, so she wasn’t really my sister, but for the last two years, she may as well have been.

She’d been there for me through everything, from angst at my mother to nerves over my first time with Ryan. I’d told her my hopes and my dreams, my fears and my secrets.

But now I could barely look at her.

When she’d crouched down in front of me and told me Ryan wasn’t coming back, I’d screamed at her. Told her that I wished it had been her who’d lost her life in that barren wasteland on the edge of Siberia. Then I’d slapped her as hard as I could. She’d just rocked back on her heels and taken it.

By the time I found out the truth about what had happened that day, it was too late. The trust between us had been lost. The connection severed. I’d tried to fix it, but it was like trying to tie two slippery strands of silk together in a raging hurricane.

I reached out to the cold marble in front of me, trailing a fingertip over the engraved words.

Ryan Young

To live on in the hearts of others is not to die

In the last nine weeks, the ache in my chest had barely dulled. My brother, Luke, had done his best to help, letting me stay with him and his wife after I’d moved out of Emmy’s place, but I was still adrift.

If this was what happened when you loved and lost, I never wanted to love again. It wasn’t worth the risk. I pulled off my gloves and laid both palms on the icy slab.

“Why, Ryan? Why did that damn job mean so much?”

There was no answer, of course, save for the whistling of the wind through naked branches.

There never would be.

I rose to my feet, and my knees cracked. I’d aged a lifetime in two short months, from a teenager to an old crone. Who would have believed I was just eighteen?

Emmy always said that each person had a soul mate. Some people never found theirs. Some people met theirs too late and were left to enjoy what precious little time remained. Some people, those lucky few, got a lifetime together. I’d once thought Ryan was my soul mate, but in the months before he died, we hadn’t always seen eye to eye. Now, I felt terrified in case I’d lost the man meant for me and guilty for wondering whether he was still out there somewhere.

A man who didn’t put work first.

Ryan had been employed at Emmy’s company, Blackwood Security, since he turned eighteen, and that job had been his life.

I pulled my coat tightly around me as I made my way back along the path. Unseen hands caressed my face, clawing at my cheeks and tugging my hair. Winter was in full bloom, bitter as my soul and merciless as my thoughts.

I hastened to the safety of the car.

Emmy’s car.

Well, it was her who’d bought it for me. A birthday gift. Most girls my age got a couple of DVDs and a pair of concert tickets. I’d got a BMW from my crazy, outrageous, generous sister.

And now I felt guilty every time I climbed behind the wheel.

Where to go… Where to go?

Not to Luke’s apartment, that was for sure. Or Riverley, in case Emmy was in residence. And I couldn’t bring myself to go to the flat Lottie shared with her boyfriend, Nigel, because they were just so damn happy together.

So I drove. I just drove. Drove halfway across Virginia, according to the fancy SatNav Emmy had included when she specced the car. Miles of countryside flew past as I blanked out my wayward thoughts and concentrated on the road ahead. Nothing else mattered.

Including the amount of petrol left in the tank.

I’d just passed Blacksburg when the car sputtered, lurched, and ground to a halt in the middle of nowhere.

Shit.

Okay, Tia, it’s not the end of the world. That already happened two months ago.

I reached behind my seat for my handbag and found empty air. Panic gripped me as I scrambled around to check properly, and sure enough, the footwell was empty. Where the hell was my bag? I visualised it sitting on the kitchen counter at Luke’s where I’d put it as I grabbed one last mouthful of coffee. Aaaaand…it was still sitting there.

Double s**t.

Okay, three months ago, I’d have called Emmy. She’d have sent a crew of commandos and a helicopter or something, and I’d have been home before it got dark. But with the awkward chasm still stretching between us, that wasn’t an option. And my brother would kill me for being so dumb.

Who else?

Lottie couldn’t drive, and Nigel was at a seminar on reflexology today. That left one person. Thank goodness I carried my phone in my pocket and not in my handbag.

“Bradley?”

“The one and only, doll. What’s up?”

Emmy’s assistant was perpetually cheerful, fearsomely efficient, and the only person who hadn’t treated me like a porcelain doll since Ryan died.

“Uh, I have a slight problem.” I gave him a quick rundown of the situation, and he didn’t yell or anything. “So you see, I’m sort of stuck.”

“Don’t you worry, chicky. I’ll fix it.”

“Thanks.” The word came out as a gulping sob.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. When have I ever let you down?”

“Never.”

“There you go. Sit tight, and leave it with me.”

Half an hour later, about the time I’d decided to revoke my own driver’s licence and only take chauffeur-driven transport from now on because I was shivering and perhaps a tiny bit scared, a guy not much older than me hopped out of a tow truck. He wiped his hands on his overalls before holding one out for me to shake.

“Robbie Morton, Morton’s Autos. The gentleman on the phone said you’d run out of gas?”

“That’s right. I don’t know how I didn’t notice. I mean, I know there’s a warning light and everything…”

“Happens more often than you might think, ma’am. You’re English?”

The accent was a bit of a giveaway. “Yes.”

“Always wanted to go there myself. See Buckingham Palace.”

Buck-ing-ham, not Bucking-um like us Brits pronounced it.

“Then why don’t you? England’s small compared to America, but the countryside’s pretty and London’s got lots of other places to visit as well.”

He unscrewed a jerry can of petrol and tilted it through a funnel into the tank. “Wish I could, but I work with my old man, and I don’t get much time off.”

“Can’t you ask him for a holiday?”

Robbie shook his head. His cap slipped, and he righted it again. “Ever since he got sick, he’s needed me around to do the heavy lifting.”

“I’m so sorry. That can’t be much fun.”

“Life’s what you make of it. I’ve got a roof over my head and food on the table. And today I get to talk to a pretty girl.”

I couldn’t help smiling at his sentiment, conveyed matter-of-factly, nothing flirtatious in his manner. Wise words. He’d made the best of what he had.

But had I? At school, I’d scored mediocre grades, and I’d never held a proper job despite the amount Luke had invested in my education. I might have money, but I’d never earned it. In terms of achievement, Robbie in his grubby clothes and twenty-year-old truck was one step ahead of me.

“Thank you for coming out to help.”

He gave a salute before screwing the cap back onto the can. “That’s what I’m here for. Besides, your buddy on the phone paid a handsome tip.”

Trust Bradley. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

“You got much further to travel tonight?”

“Back to Richmond.”

Robbie gave a low whistle. “Well, you drive safe, ma’am.”

Too many times I’d thought of jerking the wheel to the side and ending it all, but I nodded back. “I will.”

As I drove off slowly, Robbie’s words replayed in my head. Life’s what you make of it. What had I made of mine?

Nothing. Ryan had been the one with the job, the career he loved. I’d never actually buckled down and done anything.

Once I finished school, I’d moved to the States, living with Emmy as my brother still split his time between London and Virginia. Luke had provided the essentials, Emmy bought me all the things Luke said I couldn’t have, and apart from a few favours for Emmy, I’d never done a day’s work in my life.

Even Lottie had a job as a receptionist, and while I secretly thought it must get kind of boring stuck behind the same desk the whole time, at least she wasn’t spending her days at home, pining over her mistakes.

Where would I be in a year’s time? Five years? Still sitting in my bedroom crying? Or could I make my mark on the world like Emmy had?

Ryan and Robbie were both right. I shouldn’t waste my life, and it would only ever be what I made of it.