Night Changes

5.

After I had sworn Gemma to secrecy about the whole baby thing she soon left for class. Gemma attended NYU just like the boys and I, she came to every lacrosse game we played.

"So what are you going to do with him?" Liam asked once Gemma had gone. Although my plans weren't firm I knew that Asher could not stay here, he deserved someone that could take better care of him. If the police could find his mother that would be even better, even though she was the one that dropped him off to me in the first place.

Holding him in my arms he curled his finger around my ring when he grabbed hold of on my free hand. Taking a tight grasp around it my heart broke a little inside knowing that I wasn't going to see him after tomorrow. I planned to take him down to the police station tomorrow morning first thing.

"I'm taking him down to the police station first thing tomorrow morning." I answered still looking at those innocent blue eyes that looked back at me with oblivion.

"You're sure about that?" Liam asked as I sat next to him on the couch with Asher in my arms. He was so tiny and barely weighed a thing, how could his mother just leave him like she did?

"What else am I supposed to do? I can't keep him." I shook my head turning my sights to Liam who was also looking at the small baby.

"Says who? He's your baby, no one is asking you to give him up."

"I can't give him the life he deserves, I can't give him the things that he needs. I can't be a dad! I'm a freshman in college!" Feeling a wet sensation over my finger I looked down to see Asher was sucking on my finger he had been previously holding.

"All he needs is his dad and last I checked that's you. Anyways I'll support you whatever you decided to do mate." Liam stood up patting my shoulder before grabbing his keys.

"Where are you going?" I asked him curious of his whereabouts. I had also noticed Louis had bolted for class, not even giving a goodbye to Liam and I.

"I've got a study session with this girl Chelsea! Girls a total babe! I should be back around dinner." Liam responded and quickly shut the door behind him before I could get a word out edge wise. He didn't want to run the risk of me doing what Louis and I had done last night to him, leaving him alone with the baby.

"Well I guess it's just you and me now, fella." I could see his face contort into discomfort as he began to suck harder on my finger. "You must be hungry huh?" I said to him just as I pulled my finger away triggering him to become restless.

Laying him down in the living room rug I went into the kitchen and tried to remember the steps Louis and Liam had gone through yesterday to make the bottle. I remembered there were three scoops involved but needed to be reminded by the instructions on the formula box.

Going back into the bathroom where all the baby supplies sat in the empty shower, I brought the bags back out to the kitchen and found what I needed. Trying to be quick with the process since Asher was only starting to get more upset with my lack of company and stomach pains. Once I had the bottle shaken up I went back to pick up Asher and press the n****e of the bottle to his mouth like last night.

"It's okay." I rocked holding the baby with one hand and feeding him with the other. The way he looked at me made me feel all that much more guilty for giving him away tomorrow. I felt like I was justified however and knew that this would be the best option for him. He needed someone who could give him the proper care and put a lot of time into him.

"I'm not leaving you." I whispered seeing that he was falling asleep while gulping down his bottle. His eyes became droopy as the bottle came to its end.

Pulling the bottle away from his parted lips, his eyes closed completely as he laid sleeping in my arms. Just watching him breathe steadily made me tired all over again. Sitting back down on the couch I found the blanket I had curled up with last night, reclining into the couch and moving the baby to my chest where he laid on his stomach. He always looked so peaceful in his sleep for he was so unaware of his surroundings.

Looking to the ceiling I found my hand rubbing his back subconsciously. There was so much to think about and my mind was overtaken with the jamming thoughts. So many choices needed to be made that I didn't even know how to begin making.

Though Gemma and I had discussed very little on the topic she made me realize that I did need a plan. I had gone by most of my life without a plan, I had the mentality that I could wing my way through life and that it would all turn out. I didn't put much thought into any of my choices but now laying here with a baby laying on my chest, I knew I needed to be careful with what I did next.

This wasn't just a decision I would wing and hope everything would fall into place. All I knew was that I wasn't cut out to be a dad. I am 21 years old and trying to make my way through college and life as a college student. My night consisted of bar visits where Louis, Liam, and I would pick up girls and get them to come home with us. My life was in an experimental stage and a baby wasn't in the plans.

I definitely couldn't let my parents find out, I knew that for sure. My parents couldn't know about my reputation I had at NYU. I would surely be scolded for life if ever they knew that I was known for my one night stands. Surely there was a way to erase this. Surely I could make this all disappear as if it never would have happened, K certainly had.

Falling deep into my thoughts and breaking down my options I saw I really only had two that were relevant to the situation. I could either keep him, which I didn't see was likely in the grand scheme of things or, give him up to the authorities where they could find somewhere more suitable for him. Asher needed an adult to take care of him and I wasn't one, I was still a kid trying to figure out my life.

Running my hand over his brown head of hair I felt the silkiness under my fingertips. Everything about him was so small and soft as I observed with little brows that were expressionless from his sleep. I could feel his heart beat against my chest that beat quicker compared to my own. My relaxation was setting in from having a little heater on top of me with also a blanket in aiding the comfortable warmness.

With my hand positioned on the baby's back my eyes began to fall closed making everything around me blurry. My anxiety pressed bones sinking into the couch cushions second by second as I fell into a sleep that was tugging on me.

+

Coming back to reality I scrunched my eyes before peeling them open. Nearly jumping when I saw Louis and Liam gathered around the couch with their phones upright in their hands. With a glowering expression I looked down to see what they were taking frantic pictures of. My hand was still attached to Asher's back while he stretched out, still in the process of waking up.

"What are you doing?" I spoke in a cracked voice from sleeping, giving them a sour face.

"I just thought I wouldn't see the day when Harry Styles cuddled with a baby." Liam cracked a smile putting away his phone while I stretched out with Asher still trying to adjust to waking up.

"I'm not cuddling, I fell asleep." I denied not wanting to show any attachment to the baby. I knew that if I did bonding things like that with Asher it would only cause an attachment to form, which was the opposite of what I wanted. I couldn't get attached to the baby, it would only make it that much harder to give him up tomorrow. "How long have I been asleep?"

I sat up letting the baby fall into my lap with the aid of my hands to make a smooth transition. Turning my head back to the kitchen I read the time on the microwave, 6PM. That meant Asher and I had been sleeping for a good four hours since roughly we had fallen asleep about two this afternoon.

"We just got home a few minutes ago, I have no clue." Liam shrugged slipping his phone back into his pocket. "Anyway, how was it with the little man today? All alone? Just you, and him of course."

Looking down to my lap I saw Asher rub his hands over his eyes. His little movements causing my heart to break even though I knew that I would be saying goodbye to him come tomorrow morning. "Surprisingly, we were fine." I answered seeing Asher stare back at me with radiant blue eyes.

"So did you officially decide on what you're doing with him?" Louis asked taking a seat next to me on the couch where he took one finger and tickled the baby's tummy.

"I'm dropping him off at the police station tomorrow." I answered hoping that I was making the right decision for the both of us. I wanted my baby to be as happy as he could possibly be.

"Are you sure about that mate?" Louis retracted his finger as soon as Asher tried to grab it and suck on it like he did mine. I had noticed that his was a sign of hunger whenever he tried to do so.

"I have to be. By tomorrow morning this will all be over." I ran my hand down my face looking over at Louis while Liam stood behind him.

"Well I must say it was a crazy ride." Louis smiled looking down to my lap where Asher's legs were pressed to his stomach while he chewed on his fists.

"Yeah." I gave a side smile while I kept my eyes on Asher's tiny feet that were covered over with light blue socks. "Can you hold him while I make him a bottle?" I lifted Asher up off my lap and placed him in Louis'. With a shocked expression on his face Louis' hands wrapped around the trunk of Asher's body stiffly while I stood up and went into the kitchen to prepare another bottle.

"Is he okay?" Louis asked Liam who began to chuckle under his breath watching Louis interact with Asher for the first time.

"You two look comfortable." Liam laughed at Louis' stiff body while the baby squirmed slightly in his lap. Coming over to Louis with the bottle I handed it off to Louis who gave me a funny look as if I were confused.

"Are you going to feed him?" Louis questioned once I began my short distance walk to the bathroom.

"Can you feed him while I take a wee? Wow thanks your such a good uncle!" I answered for Louis running into the bathroom and closing the room behind me.

"I don't even know how to do this!" Louis complained to Liam who mocked him with his own words he had told me yesterday as a response.

"Just stick it in his mouth, are you dumb or some s**t?" Liam mocked in his best Louis voice.

"Well aren't you just hilarious Liam?" Louis poked back as I chuckled at their conversation from inside the bathroom.