Becoming Alpha

Chapter 3: Confusion

After class I thought I was stupid for being so eager to see a teacher. God, Rose, what are you getting yourself into? But the way Mr. Samson stared at me during class made me swoon- ugh.

What was I, a fourteen-year-old crushing on her teacher? That was what I was like right there. I'm seventeen, not fourteen. I was acting really strange -- and I didn't even know why. It was very confusing.

I had the class alone. Sam wasn't there, Alana wasn't, Alex wasn't - it was annoying, because I wasn't able to distract myself with someone other than Ryan.

I loved his name. It was perfect- It was just a name, Rose, don't be stupid.

After the class ended I found myself waiting for the others to leave. I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy as I spotted a girl with wavy, blonde hair standing next to Ryan, wearing clothes that could've easily made people mistake her for a prostitute. But he wasn't looking at her.

He was looking at me.

It made my heart ache -- in a good way -- but I ignored that. I was acting so strange.

I shook my head at myself and walked over to Ryan as soon as he had gotten rid of the blonde bimbo -- called Diana, apparently.

"Mr. Samson? You wanted to see me?" I asked hesitantly, biting my lip. I knew I shouldn't have been attracted to him in the way I was, but it was like an ancient calling, like his soul was speaking to mine. It was something that felt so real that it made me afraid. So I ignored it.

"Yes." He seemed to be uneasy, and his hands were behind his back as if he was restraining himself. I watched him through my lashes and noticed that he was staring into my eyes. I bit my lip harder. Did he find my eyes pretty? I had always found them really boring; they weren't forest green or a pale green, they were a green similar to dull leaves in the autumn, fading from the summer into the winter.

A silence settled between the two of us, and I bit my lip harder -- too hard, because blood began to flow a second later. He frowned at me and reached out as if he wanted to clean it off. In the blink of an eye his hand was gone, and his frown had deepened.

What was he thinking?

"Don't bite your lip," he said. His voice had lowered slightly and I couldn't help but shudder as I imagined him whispering forbidden words into my ear with that voice- 'God, Rose, who are you, E.L. James?'

I felt myself blush at my own thoughts and I nodded, not having the courage to use my voice. I was afraid that mine had changed as well.

He cleared his throat. "I just wanted to say that you should not be late again. And do your homework. And..." He took a deep breath and gave me a smile that made my breath catch. "...welcome to Alamery."

* * *

The day passed rather swiftly as I discovered myself chatting with Trystan, Samuel and Chace. What I found strange was the topic that Ryan had wanted to discuss. It seemed like he had wanted to talk about something else but had changed his mind, obviously. It bugged me the whole time, but I eventually just tried to ignore it. I hadn't seen Alana all day, and I figured that she was sick and went home. 'I should call her later tonight,' I thought, concerned.

That wasn't the only thing that had bothered me.

I felt like tearing myself away from Trystan when he touched me. I felt like slapping Sam when he hugged me. I felt like getting mad at Chace when he smiled at me.

Smiling at me. God dammit. What the hell was wrong with me?

I ignored my ridiculous behaviour and chose to walk home and let my thoughts settle a bit. It worked slightly because I eventually thought about Ryan, and that made me relax... a little.

I was kind of good at ignoring feelings. When me and my mom got into fights, I didn't want to talk to her. We would make it up eventually and I wouldn't care anymore. I never talked when I was angry or upset; I just didn't like to. Sometimes I just felt like nobody cared anyway, like nobody wanted to hear what I had to say.

My mom made me go and see a therapist when I was eleven because of it. I hated it because I was forced to talk. I disliked talking about my feelings. I didn't want anyone to know about them.

She had this crazy idea that it was because of my father.

My mom practically raised me on her own. The only thing I know about my dad was that he left when I was just a little kid. That was what she told me, and why would she lie about that? She wouldn't. So, I believed her, and instantly hated the guy, even though sometimes I would get memories that left me confused.

My mom would cut me off as soon as I started ranting about him, and I didn't understand; shouldn't she be feeling the same? He had left her after all.

I shook my head as I reached the house. This was going to be a long year and I knew it -- not only because of the way Ryan made me feel, but also because I was freaking out over my own emotions. I wanted to go into the woods; I wanted to slap Sam; I wanted to pull that Diana from Ryan whenever she got close.

I knew that something was changing rapidly, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to face the transformation my mind was trying to force me into.

I didn't notice that there was someone in front of me before I bumped into them.

"Oof," I groaned, falling backwards but feeling two hands steady me. It didn't repulse me, which was a surprise because the whole day I had hated any guy touching me. Shocked, I looked up and was met with those dark eyes that seemed so familiar.

"Woah, steady," the guy told me with a chuckle, his arms still around me.

I chuckled too. "Sorry," I told him sheepishly.

He smiled down at me and let go. "I wasn't really watching where I was walking either," he said with a soft smile. I couldn't help but notice how much he looked like Ryan, except this guy had light brown hair.

"I'm Isaiah," he said, holding his hand out. I shook it, and again, it shocked me; this whole day I had been repelled by touching a male, and this seemed normal.

"Rose," I responded, blinking rapidly.

"Well, Rose, I haven't seen you around before, so you must be new, right?" He smiled at me as I nodded. I guess it was pretty easy to figure out who was new here. How many people lived here again? Like five thousand or something? What a dead town.

"Yeah, I moved here like... two days ago," I answered, laughing softly. "And I had school already. It was very boring." I frowned. Why was I telling him how my day had been? He was a total stranger! 'Rose, sometimes you are so strange,' I thought to myself.

"I dropped out two years ago, out of college." He shrugged.

"Oh," I mumbled.

"Well, I better get going-" He was about to finish his sentence when he froze.

"What's wrong?" I asked, blinking. Was there something weird on my face?

"No, no." Suddenly, his confused look was replaced by a curious one. "I just thought I saw something." Ugh. Why must I be so curious?

I shook my head at myself. Not this time, Rose. Let it go. "Okay." I smiled gently. "I better get going. I have tons of homework," I added, smiling a little more.

He nodded and started to walk away. "Bye, Rose, I'm sure I'll see you soon," he called, smirking and waving before he disappeared out of sight.

'See me soon'? What was he implying? Surely he didn't think that we're going to go on a date? And... why did he look so much like Ryan? Were they family or something? It was so weird.

Everything was strange today, and so frustrating!

The more I thought about it, the more I was certain that this year was not going to be just strange - it was going to be really strange! I felt like an i***t.

* * *

Two weeks later, I was doing a pretty good job; I was ignoring the feelings I got from Ryan. It was like he was trying to get my attention -- all the time: he would continue to ask me questions in front of the whole class; he would ask me to stay after class; he asked if I needed tutoring. I didn't understand why my grades were turning out to be so bad. I was good at literature -- I had been really good at it at my old school, having high grades. I was just confused at why he was making it so difficult for me. So I started to ignore him and my feelings, and I turned my attention to Trystan.

He was a really nice guy. I always met up with him and my other friends on Saturdays, but I spent more time with him because I really liked him. It didn't feel wrong to be around him anymore, and I wondered why that was.

My mom forced me to take two tablets a day from then on, and that seemed strange to me, but she insisted. When I tried to protest -- well, I had never seen her that angry before. It freaked me out.

I was at home, doing my homework. Because of the constant fighting between me and my mom -- about the pills, mostly -- I was grounded. It was annoying.

I nibbled on the end of my pencil, grimacing as I tasted it. What the hell was I doing? I probably looked like a five year old in the eyes of someone else.

"Wow, Rose, you look like a five year old."

Wait.

What?

"Holy s**t!" I exclaimed as I noticed Trystan sitting on my bed. I had been sitting at my desk; I couldn't concentrate when I lay on my bed, as I had too many distractions, such as the TV or the snack stash under my bed.

He snickered and walked over to me, turning my chair around. He smiled down at me. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Be quiet," I hissed. I listened intently, but my mom seemed to still be downstairs. I sighed in relief. I thought that she had heard my exclaim. Stupid Trystan.

"Hey, I'm not stupid," he muttered, pouting at me. I chuckled. Had I said those words out loud?

"Awh, is wittle Trystan sad? Should I give wittle Trystan his teddy bear? Does wittle-" I yelped as he started tickling me and I squirmed to get away.

"Say 'wittle Trystan' one more time and I'll tickle you to death," he growled playfully.

I giggled. "Stop! I promise I won't say it again!" I gasped between laughs.

He stopped, and I poked his side. "That was not nice!"

I had to restrain myself from saying 'wittle'. It was just so amusing to see his masculine side appear. I took a deep breath, figuring that I should keep my voice hushed. I didn't want my mom to come up, and I especially didn't want her to see Trystan in my room. I would probably be grounded for two years instead of a week. I blinked, meeting his steady blue eyes, and smiled lightly. "Why are you here, burglar?" I chuckled softly.

"I'm taking you out. It's Sunday evening -- and I know we have school tomorrow but you deserve some fun," he told me.

I was torn. Should I go? What if my mom found out? But he was right. I had done nothing wrong, to be precise, and I deserved some fun.

I made up my mind.

"Fine, I'll go with you." I smiled as he engulfed me in one of his bear hugs. I knew Tia would choke me to death if she saw this. She still clung onto Trystan at school, but he gave me the most attention, even though we never hugged in public. I didn't want to get killed by a jealous cheerleader. I pulled away.

Half an hour later, Trystan was driving me through a narrow path in the woods. "Are you driving me to your murder spot?" I asked him curiously.

Trystan shook his head, followed by an amused chuckle. "No, I'm not driving you to my murder spot,” he said, shaking his head again. "Just wait. We'll be there in about five minutes."

I nodded and looked out of the window. It was quiet outside, of course. It was about eight o'clock or later; I had no idea of the time. We were driving through the woods now and I had no idea of where we were going.

Indeed, five minutes later, he stopped the car. He got out, and before I could do anything he opened my car door and gently helped me out.

"So... what do you think?" he asked me hesitantly, casting his eyes to the left. I followed his gaze and gasped.

In front of us was a massive lake. We were standing upon a hill -- I hadn't even noticed that we had been driving up one. It must've taken a while. The lake was gorgeous, with the moon reflecting on it, and we were alone, which made it feel so much more romantic. If there hadn't been a rope swing next to us.

"Holy s**t! How did you knew that this was here? And yes, the lake is beautiful, but a rope swing? Amazing." I chuckled at the lame rhyme.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm awesome." I rolled my eyes at his words.

"Yes, you are awesome, wittle-" I quickly stopped and glanced at him, but he only looked at me with amusement.

"Come on girl, let's do this," he told me, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the rope swing

I followed the swing with my eyes and saw that it led towards the other side of the lake. What if I fell into the water? I hoped not. I chuckled at my thoughts and then looked at him.

"Fine. You go first," I told him sternly. He looked as if he was deciding, and finally he nodded, a smirk on his face.

"Fine. I'll go first."

I was very excited but I wanted to 'learn from the master' first. I watched as he sat on the seat before walking backwards. I was glad that it wasn't that high, because then I would've probably peed my pants. He swung forward before the air caught him and he set off towards the other end of the lake.

His yell echoed over the lake and made me chuckle. It made me even more eager. I grabbed the rope to pull the seat back and began to haul it up after Trystan landed. He waved at me from the other side.

"I'm coming!" I laughed at how weird that sounded. I heard him laugh at the other end too.

The moment felt very intimate. We were the only ones here. I really liked Trystan.

I sat on it and then walked backwards, like I had seen the boy do. I veered forward and chuckled at the sensation.

It was amazing.

I whirled downwards over the water and towards the other end. I landed and laughed, looking up to see Trystan.

He wasn't there.

Two hands grabbed me and roughly pushed me against a tree.

"Trystan-" I began, laughing. I looked up and met those dark eyes. I felt the connection before I knew what was happening.

"R-Ryan?" I stammered, not knowing what he was doing there. He was breathing heavily, his chest bare and pupils wide. His eyes were golden, much lighter than they had ever been. His body pressing against mine made it hard to concentrate and I tried to focus on his eyes.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here, Rose?" he growled at me.

Oh s**t.