Lust & Lyrics

Chapter 5: Centre Stage

CLOVER'S POV:

It's practically pitch black and I'm alone. Sort of. The rest of Saving Creed is behind me, messing around with their instruments. The lights are about to go up, but I can barely breathe.

My heart is skipping in my chest and my palms are sweaty. I need to calm the f*ck down.

I need to be ready for the moment when the lights go up. I have to play the first song. It's one I wrote but that doesn't make me any less nervous. We're meant to be playing this song first to ease my nerves but it's doing nothing of the sort.

I feel the heat of the spotlight as it hits me. I play an E minor and hope against all logic that I don't mess up. For a split second it's just me and my guitar and then I open my eyes and see the sea of faces before me.

“You know you love me. Just bleed whenever," the words fall from my mouth easily, “and I'll be there. I know you care."

The lights are still low, the rest of the guys in the dark as I sing the first verse.

“You are my girlfriend, the only one I want. And I can't let you go."

I almost jump out of my skin when I hear Rigby join me singing, “If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you run."

Focusing on the chords I'm playing, I try not to look at the crowds of people in front of me. Instead I stare at the sound desk at the very back. I put a smirk on my face that hopefully resembles my brother's and sing my lungs out.

Somehow, I manage not to f*ck up our first song which if you ask me is a minor miracle since I've never played with Creed's band mates before.

When I sing the final line of the song my nerves are slightly less frayed, but I'm still convinced that I'm going to mess up. I take a breath and glance behind me at the drummer, Ziggy. Giving him the nod, I let him lead us into the second song.

I'm overheating already. There's sweat on my forehead. The wig I'm wearing is itchy, but I try to ignore it.

The second song is one my brother wrote, and I don't know it as well. My brother has never been one for serious lyrics and this song is no exception. Together Jett, Rigby and I sing the chorus.

Roses are red

But Violets are blue

I like drinking tequila

Especially with you

The song almost causes me to giggle at the idea of my brother having a girlfriend. If there's one thing I know about Creed, it's that he loves being loved. There's no world in which he'd settle down and have only one girlfriend.

I make my way through the rest of the set without much issue. But then it hits me that I have to sing the final song. It's one I wrote a long time ago about a person I'd rather forget.

I huff gently, closing my eyes for a split second in an attempt to prepare myself. When I gave this song to Creed, I'd promised myself that I'd never sing it again. Not for him. Not for anyone.

The lights are swirling around me, a blue colour that almost blinds me before they settle on me. The whole auditorium is silent with anticipation.

I begin to pluck at my guitar softly.

I can't play this the way Creed plays it. I know I should but I can't. If I'm going to play it, I'm going to play it right, the way it was written. I glance towards Jett and he offers me a nod, giving me the go ahead to follow my heart. He's heard it played this way countless times back when we were in school.

“I don't know how many times," I sing softly into the mic, “I can say these words."

It's just me and my guitar. There's no one else here. Or at least that's what I tell myself.

“Before they set in, before you believe." I wait a beat and glance towards Jett, inviting him to add the keys. “Why won't you believe."

“I'm so sorry that I love you," I sing the chorus, twisting my neck to look at Rigby, hoping he'll add a harmony. I shouldn't be messing up their usual routine, but I can't sing this song if I don't sing it my way. “I'm so sorry I hurt you." I'm relieved when I hear Rigby's voice merging with mine in my ear. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

I nod my head towards Ziggy, silently asking for a gently beat. “I broke my word. I broke your soul." He joins us just as the chorus ends and I feel something that I've not felt in the longest time. I can't describe it, the way this song affects me.

I nod for Rigby to sing the second verse and take a breather. He adds his own guitar to the sound, strumming gently. “For every time I made you smile, with those three words. For making you dream, for making you believe. But why don't you see."

My breath catches in my throat as I listen to him sing the words someone else once sang to me and I'm not ready when the chorus comes. Fortunately, Rigby and Jett carry it well, giving me a chance to add a harmony ad hock. This time Nash adds the bass guitar, adding a depth to the chorus that brings butterflies to my gut.

“Every hurt that I've caused," I begin the third verse, “your dream that I cursed."

Rigby joins me for the next line. “For all I have done to you and everything I failed to do."

“I'm sorry but don't you know," I finish alone.

We blitz through the chorus once more and then Jett sings the bridge, “Did I hold you too tightly? Did I forget to let you fly high? Did my love hold you back? Did love make me blind?"

I struggle to control my emotions. I hate this song as much as I love it. Then Rigby and I are joining Jett for the chorus once again.

Leaving the last verse to Rigby, I just listen to the sound we're making together. It's so completely different to the way Saving Creed usually play this song but I don't regret it.

“I didn't even realise that I was falling for you," Rigby sings. “I was so lost in you that I didn't even see you."

I join him for the last line. “I can't make this right now."

Then all the sound drops out again and it's just me in the spotlight with my guitar. I pluck the strings softly.

“I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I love you."

I focus on the movement of my fingers, taking a deep breath before continuing to sing, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I love you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I don't see the crowds before me, for the first time in years I see his face in my mind.

“Words mean nothing at all. An apology can't turn back time." I pause even though I know I must continue.

Jett picks up the slack. “Words mean nothing at all."

Then together we sing, “an apology can't turn back time."

Jett continues to repeat those two lines over and over again as the other instruments join back in and I sing, “I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

“I hurt you. I put you through hell," Rigby follows after me with the next line.

“I didn't even realise that I was falling for you," I sing softly as all the music fades out. “I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

For the last time, it's just me and my guitar. “But words mean nothing at all. An apology can't turn back time."

I close my eyes as I hear the crowd erupt with applause.

I'm So Sorry That I Love You Lyrics

I don't know how many times

I can say these words

Before they set in

Before you believe

Why won't you believe

I'm so sorry that I love you

I'm sorry I hurt you

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I broke my word. I broke your soul

For every time I made you smile

With those three words

For making you dream

For making you believe

But why don't you see

I'm so sorry that I love you

I'm sorry I hurt you

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I broke my word. I broke your soul

Every hurt that I've caused

Your dream that I cursed

For all I have done to you

And everything I failed to do

I'm sorry but don't you know

I'm so sorry that I love you

I'm sorry I hurt you

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I broke my word. I broke your soul

Did I hold you too tightly?

Did I forget to let you fly high?

Did my love hold you back?

Did love make me blind?

I'm so sorry that I love you

I'm sorry I hurt you

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I broke my word. I broke your soul

I didn't even realise

That I was falling for you

I was so lost in you

That I didn't even see you

I can't make this right now

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry that I love you

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry that I love you

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

Words mean nothing at all

An apology can't turn back time

Words mean nothing at all

An apology can't turn back time

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry

I hurt you

I put you through hell

I didn't even realise that I was falling for you

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry

But

Words mean nothing at all

An apology can't turn back time