Nadine

23. Hug Or Punch

I stretch a bit. Mary is getting my water ready.

"I don't remember coming to bed, Mary."

"Dipak carried you. I came and cleaned you up. Do you feel rested now?"

"Yes, I feel much better. Can I have a few minutes before we start?"

"Of course, little miss. I'll go start on some food."

I sit at my table and see the bowl Tre bought for me so long ago. I pick it up and hold it. It's still so beautiful. I can't help it, the tears sneak out.

Momma and Asa come in. "Why are you crying with a bowl my baby?" I start sobbing. "Here let me see it." She takes it. "Is this the one Tre got you so long ago?"

I try to wipe my face off. "I miss him momma." Then I start sobbing again. I can't get the tears to stop.

Asa leaves without saying anything.

"Let's talk a little bit about boys." Momma sits down on my bed and pats beside her. I run over and she puts her arm around me.

"Baby, it's ok to like them. You will probably like many in your life. Some you will have feelings for and some you won't. There's nothing wrong with that. It's ok to share looks and hugs. It's ok to stand close to them. Even touching a cheek every now and then is ok. Or dancing. It's all fine. You are going to be of age very soon and they are going to start noticing you more and more. They are going to start trying to capture your attention and have time with you." She pulls my head up and looks in my eyes. "And it's ok to spend time with them. You are allowed to get to know anyone you want to. You're allowed to laugh and have fun. Learn new things. But always remember that someday you will be bonded to someone. And that someone will be the love of your life. Don't break his heart before you're even bonded."

I nod and stare at the table with all the gifts Tre has given me over the years.

"And as for Tre. He is your chosen mate. It is in contract. I know you both care about each other. You have to respect that contract. If you are having a moment with another man and Tre comes, you need to stop with the other man. Also, Tre should be the only one you are really seen with. Unless he is ok with you being seen with someone else. Like at a ball or something. You will sit with Tre and dance with him. If another man wants to dance with you, they need to ask you then get Tre's permission. Well, and your fathers." She laughs. "Bit of a hassle really."

"So, Tre needs to be the only one your holding hands with or walking really close with at events. You are allowed to have moments with other men and enjoy their company but make sure no one see's them. Ok?"

"I'm still mad at him though." I start sobbing again.

"I know child. He hurt you. Let me ask you this. Are you more mad or do you miss him more? Do you want to hug him or punch him?"

"Both."

She laughs. "You would be surprised how often I feel that way as well."

Then I start laughing.

"Well, I tell you what. Eat with him today and be mad the entire time."

"Why?"

"You will get to see him and give him a hug. Also you can be mad and yell the entire time. It should make you feel better."

"Yea, he probably won't want anything to do with me anymore."

"Yes he does. He came to me crying yesterday about you hating him and then I found him later and chased him around with a sword for an hour. It was an eventful day."

"Momma, what did it mean when Dipak was watching me with the baby yesterday?"

She smiles. "Eyes will go dark when you desire something, child. Something you want. He liked seeing you with that baby. Probably started thinking about making a family with you. Or what you would be like as the mother of his children. Something like that. His mind started to like it and his eyes went dark." I nod. "I think it shocked him too. The way he hid them quickly. But neither of you did anything wrong. It was a moment between the 2 of you... And we all happened to be there for it." She stands up laughing. "Let's get you ready. I haven't seen that baby in nearly 12 hours."

Mom sends Mary in and she helps me get my dress on. I eat quick then me and mom go to the Thora's room.

Asa and Tre are there when we get there. Asa is sitting on the bed with Thora. Mom goes and sits with her too. Tre is standing by the table holding the baby. Smiling at her.

I watch him for a minute. I turn to go to the chair and nearly trip again. I fall into the chair. Momma is pointing at her eyes. Great. Mine must be dark now. I watch the ground. I won't let Tre see that. I'm still to mad.

Tre hands me the baby. He doesn't say anything, just puts her in my arms. I take a deep breath. He smells good today. He backs up and stands by the wall. I can feel him watching me but I can't bring myself to even peek at him. "You are beautiful Ana. You seem more awake today. Your little toes are perfect. Oh the girls made her a few things Thora. We don't get many babies. They are super excited."

The 3 of them smile at me holding Ana. She makes a little coo. "Awww. She coo'd at me." I glance at Tre and his eyes are black. I look away. I don't want him to make me feel like it's my fault. I'm so tired of being afraid of touching him or kissing him or holding him. I watch the baby for a minute. "I need to get to work. I'll stop back by later Thora. She's doing great though and so beautiful." I hand my mom the baby and leave without looking at Tre.