The Rogue's Obsession

Hannah “I’m so sorry,” the older woman says, wiping her eyes with a crumpled handkerchief “She was so young, I can't imagine how hard it is for you now. “ “Thank you, Miss Gerard, “ She hiccups, wiping her eyes again, thus smudging black mascara all over her cheek. There aren’t many people and it’s a cold, November Sunday. People have other things to do in those times, I guess. Someone says they want to say a few words about my mother and I try to hold back the tears. She was a lovely person, she will be missed. I loved her so much… “Yeah, and where were you when she couldn’t even go to the restroom…” I think bitterly and clench my teeth so hard my jaw hurts. But then the anger subdues, substituted by something else. I feel like I'm underwater and their words are just a distant echo of a world that’s not there. My mother is dead. I should have been better prepared for this. She got sick when I was fifteen. And now, two and a half years later she could no longer say: “I am stronger than some cancer, everything will be fine.“ What a liar she was. I instantly fixed my eyes on the grass before me, as if that would stop me from crying. It won’t but at least they won’t see me. And I won't be able to take another round of: this is so sad, you are all alone now… I never met my father and my mother is my only relative here in New Jersey. “Was”, I correct myself. After the funeral, I stay for a while with her- one last time before I have to get back and deal with whatever I have to deal with. *** “Look, all I am saying is I am really, really sorry, “ Andy says placing his hand on his chest. He almost looks sincere “Your mother was a great woman and she’s always been so nice but you haven’t paid your rent in a month. “ He is leaning against the doorframe, ketchup smudged all over his colourful t-shirt. Andy is twenty-four, still lives with his family and all he does all day is drink beer and check how the tenants are. His family has a few apartments in the building. “I will pay you, “ I say for the tenth time, “When have I not paid?” “Last month, “ he says flatly and I give him a look. The family downstairs is shouting and he yells at them to shut up. Yes, this is where I live. At least the police are not here. Yet. “I give you a week, “ he says and I smile. “Perfect. Thank you so much. “ “Yeah. But just a week. “ “I am taking more shifts at Bobby’s so I will have the money by then, I swear. “ “Bobby’s?” he makes a face, “Down the street?” “Yeah…” “It’s a bar - and aren’t you supposed to be at school? “ I almost say: “Since when do you care” but I bite the answer. “I go to school. Anyway- next week?” “Next week, “ he nods and pushes away from the door, “Unless you let me finally kiss you and…” I slam the door shut in his face and hear him call me something through the door. Disgusting, I mutter as I walk towards the kitchen. I consider coffee or something sweet since I haven’t eaten in a day but decide against it. I get changed quickly and head to work. I don’t want to spend too much time in the apartment because it still smells of detergents and medicine. Before my mother died I would sometimes get back home from a long shift and the first thing that hit me was the smell. “It smells like death”, I would think. I feel so guilty about this now… The place also smells like my mother and that- I can’t deal with. *** Bobby’s as busy as usual and Zoe throws her arms wide open when she sees me. “Come here darling, I am so sorry, “ I hugged her and quickly let go of her. I feel even more awkward than usual to be touched right now. “How are you, honey, “ she asks. “Fine. “ I glance at the clock- there’s at least an hour until my shift starts. But I still say. “I will get changed and start now?” “Now?” she exclaimed, “No way you are going home, baby. You need to process everything and…” “I really need the money, Zoe. “ “But it’s only been a few days, and…” My expression says enough and she presses her lips together. “Okay. But this is your last shift for the week. If anyone finds out how much you work here they will sue me for child abuse. “ “Of course, " I say, “last shift. “ I grin because I am sure- I will find a way to persuade her for more hours. It's a busy night and my colleague- Riley and I cover most of the tables. By ten pm I can’t feel my legs and my uniform smells like stale fries. People prepare for leaving - except for the usuals - and I tell Riley I can stay and close if she wants to go home. “It’s fine, “ she says, “I can stay too. By the way, you said you were looking for something extra. “ My heart speeds up. “Yes? I do. ” “So, I have this friend who just opened…” Riley stops speaking, her mouth almost gaping. Her eyes are fixed on something behind me. I don’t care what it is, it could be someone from Hollywood for all I care, I am more interested in what she has to offer. “Your friend opened? What? ” I ask, waving a hand in front of her face, “Riley? Hey?” Riley grabs two menus and fixes her hair. “I will take those. “ “Hannah, the family on table ten wants the bill!” Zoe calls and I nod. “Sure, right away. “ As I give the bill to the family my eyes flutter to Riley who is still standing at the table she rushed to serve. And now I know why she was so eager to work. A blond guy with messy hair, with tattoos all over his hands- or as far I can see from his rolled sleeves, a nose ring and the brightest blue eyes I've seen - is smiling at her and she totally melts. I close my eyes and shake my head. But just as I am about to head to the bar I see him. And my whole world tilts. I am suddenly overwhelmed with the need to run away. Or to stay where I am. It's both terrible and nice at the same time. My palms get sweaty and I wipe them in my already dirty uniform as he heads towards me. He is tall- taller than most guys, not too bulky, dressed in dark clothes. His hair is black, hidden under a hoodie he hasn’t taken off. And he is so beautiful it hurts. He is also walking towards me. And I can smell my hair - it’s so bad I want to disappear. I freeze in my spot, preparing myself to say something like “hey”, or “what’s up.” My heart is beating like mad, and I am glad I didn’t eat anything earlier when our eyes meet and I inhale sharply. Cold grey eyes that are like the winter sky. Shivers run down my spine and for some reason, I wonder if they change color when the weather is nice. But then he just looks away and walks past me, going to the table where Riley is explaining every single item on the menu, the guy nodding and pretending to listen to her. I close my eyes and mutter. “I am an idiot.” when Zoe calls me in the kitchen. James I sensed her long before we came in. My wolf stirred and I glanced around, looking for the danger but didn’t see any. “What is it?” I asked and he kept howling. “Let’s sit over there, “ Chris pointed at one of the tables and I just followed, my entire being focusing on something else. Her scent. “She is near, she is here…” my wolf’s voice echoes in my mind so loud it splits my head into two. “Get a f*****g grip”, I remind myself, “We’ve been in bloodbaths, this is just a f*****g diner in New Jersey. “ The task we were sent for is simple - find this girl -whoever she is- check if she’s alright and head back. Plain and simple. Chris and I sit and my head is pounding. One of the waitresses comes and smiles at me, but I ignore her. “We have great meat pie, “ the waitress flips her hair and bends over me, showing me a page when my wolf starts clowning at me and I snap the menu closed. “I am going to wash my hands.” She pulls back startled and I feel my eyes starting to change. I blink a few times to scatter the colour and zip my hoodie as high as I can. I hurry towards the restroom and run the cold water. I resist the urge to put my head under the stream. “What the f**k is wrong with you?” I hiss at my wolf who keeps clawing at me, it’s like his nails are digging into my insides, ripping them to pieces. My hand around the tab closes so hard it almost crashes it and I stop the water. In moments like those I am jealous of Chris who is a vampire and at least doesn’t have another voice in his head. I head out, putting my hoodie on. I am just exiting the restroom when I see her. And my wolf’s roar is deafening. ****