In His Secret Life

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Elsie threw her sandals in the corner of the entrance and shut the front door, setting down a brown bag. “They were out of the hot sauce you like.”

It was Tuesday evening, three days since the get-together, and we’d planned to have dinner—just the two of us. Fay was at a birthday party, and tomorrow being a day off school, she was staying the night at her friend’s home.

Dayton had thirty-five exams to grade by Monday morning. He’d be cooped up all night. “It’s okay, we’ll use the Jamaican one.”

“That thing? It’s been sitting on your shelf for a year. It’ll kill us.” She picked up the bag and headed for the kitchen. “Coming?”

I lay on the couch, listless. “Yep.” Maybe I was coming down with something. Yes, the need to get laid.

“What’s up?” She set the bag down by the wall and came to me. She touched my forehead. “You’re hot. You feeling okay?”

“Yep.” Tomorrow was the day I was supposed to meet Davinder. “Maybe I caught something,” I said. “A virus.”

The malady of lust.

“No, no, I know you, and this is you tormenting yourself over a decision you don’t want to make.” She sat by me. “Come on, cough it up.”

“No.” I tried not to smile. “I can’t.”

“You’re thinking about quitting your job again.”

I’d quit a job every year for the last six years. I’d been with this particular law firm for eleven months. They were still oblivious to the fact I spent most of my time trying hard not to work too hard. “Soon, but I’ll stick it out until Christmas. I might get a bonus.” Being a clerk was not what I’d planned on being when I was growing up. No, I’d dreamed much bigger dreams then. And since I’d met Davinder, I’d found myself dreaming again. He was much more accomplished than I was. It was inspiring.

And a huge turn-on.

“You got another drunken e-mail from Anthony and you’re wondering why you don’t just go for it instead of being miserable and single.”

I looked at her from under my forearm. “No. And the prick hasn’t written me in weeks.”

“Okay, you wish you’d married that girl in high school…what was her name? Lea-Rose. That’s right. You regret not keeping her barefoot and pregnant for ten years.”

I couldn’t help laughing.

She pinched me. “Oh, come on, what is it?”

I’d known I was going to tell her from the moment we’d left Dayton’s home three days ago. I’d never kept anything from my sister. Even in my moments of deep shame, I’d let her in. She’d been there when I’d messed up big-time and had to get tested for HIV. She was there when I’d found Lucas’s love letters in Anthony’s tennis shoe box and threatened to kill myself. She was there when I’d been bullied by our uncle at our father’s funeral, pushed in a corner, until I’d broken down and wept. She’d always stood by me.

I sat up. “I’m thinking of a guy all the time.”

She waited.

“I’m finished,” I said.

“Can I offer you a word of caution? I don’t know, but he seems a little into himself. You know, pretty self-absorbed.”

“It’s more complicated than that, don’t you think?”

“Well, not really, no, I mean, he’s clearly smitten with you.”

My chest tightened a little. “You noticed something that night? Did you think he was flirting maybe?”

“Duh. Everyone saw.”

“What? They did? And they didn’t…I mean, they—”

“Hon, come on.” She got up. “Why don’t you call him? He’s been telling Dayton he’s hoping you will.”

“He told Dayton what, now?”

“Yeah, he’s been driving Dayton crazy the last few days.” She smiled and pulled me up. “Come on, call Dali and I’ll find something else to do.”

For a second, I was too dismayed to speak. What had I been hoping for? Approval?

“I wasn’t talking about Dali,” I finally said.

“What? Then who?” Now she was having trouble containing her excitement. “Tell me!”

“Davinder,” I said in a breath.

She screamed and shoved me into the couch. “No!”

* * * *

Elsie poured another finger of whiskey in her Bugs Bunny cup. The color was back in her face. “Allan, for Christ’s sake, he’s married with a family.”

“Did I say I was going to do anything?”

We’d been discussing the matter over a bottle of Jameson, and talking with her, I realized I wasn’t going to pursue Davinder. Of course I wasn’t. But I wanted to sit here and talk about him all night. “He majored in philosophy,” I said, gushing a little.

“So did that strange neighbor we used to know.”

“Did you see his eyes?” I poured another shot, ignoring her last remark.

“Yes, I saw his eyes. And they’re striking.” She sighed. “He’s very sexy, I’ll give you that.”

“If he was single, we’d make an amazing pair, right?”

“Well, first he’d have to be gay for that.”

I hesitated and then said, “Ever hear of bisexuality?”

Elsie’s features tensed. She hadn’t considered that, obviously. “I admit it,” she said, after a few seconds, “if he was not, I repeat, not married, then yes, you’d make a fantastic couple.” She looked at me seriously. “But he’s not available.”

I sighed and winked. “Yes, but did you see his lips?”

She laughed and slapped my hand. “Oh, shut up.”