In Her Image

Chapter 5

5

We wouldn’t normally bother going out on a Saturday night after meeting up for drinks in the week, but it’s Mandy’s birthday tomorrow and I promised her we’d go out for a few drinks to celebrate.

Zizi’s is much busier tonight than it was last night, and it quickly becomes clear that we’re not going to be able to get a table. There are some stools left at the long rectangular bar, though, so we decide that’ll do for now. It’s not the sort of place people tend to spend the whole evening, so there’ll be a table free at some point.

Once we’ve ordered our drinks, Mandy elbows me on the arm — almost making me yelp.

‘Don’t look now, but you-know-who’s down at the other end of the bar.’

‘Who?’ I ask, instinctively looking in the direction she’d just told me not to look. It’s Kieran. He doesn’t see me, but I see him. The first thought that crosses my mind is the slightest flash of anger and jealousy that he seems to be having a good time. And why shouldn’t he?

‘Looks like he’s having fun,’ Mandy says, in her characteristic way that makes it seem like she’s reading my mind.

‘Good,’ I reply, trying to sound pleased for him. ‘He’s entitled to. He’s a free and single man.’

‘Doesn’t look too cut up, though, does he?’

I find myself wanting to defend him. ‘He’s a bloke, Mand. He’s hardly likely to sit sobbing onto his mates’ shoulders, is he?’

I look over at Kieran again, just as he looks up and makes eye contact with me. Even at this distance, I can see what he’s feeling. And it’s not just the outer layer of male bravado. I need to get a grip, though. I’m not the sort of person who makes a decision and goes back on it. I wouldn’t last five minutes in my job if I was.

I’m sorry, David. The current restructuring means that your role is no longer required. We’ll keep your details on record, though, if anything else should come up in the future.

But it’s nearly Christmas. I’ve got a family.

Okay, no problem. As you were, David.

Do I get a little pang of regret every time I have to deliver those words? Of course. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. But I’ve got a job to do. And anyway, it’s evened out by being able to give jobs to other people. The Lord giveth with one hand...

But there’s nothing I can give Kieran. We had all that. We had the good times, and it was time to come to terms with the fact that they’d reached their end.

‘f**k,’ I say, reaching for my glass and taking a huge slurp.

Mandy looks over and sees Kieran walking towards us.

‘He’d better not start any trouble,’ she says. ‘If he does I’ll lump him one.’

‘Mand, chill out. He’s not like that. He probably just wants to say hi.’

‘Yeah, well you seemed really enthusiastic about that a second ago.’

‘That’s different. I wasn’t expecting to see him,’ I say, almost forcing a whisper as Kieran reaches us.

‘Hi Alice,’ he says. ‘Alright Mandy?’

‘All good here,’ Mandy replies, before burrowing her face in her margarita glass. I give her a look that says Grow up and make apologetic eyes at Kieran.

‘We’re out for Imran’s leaving do,’ he says to me, before explaining to Mandy. ‘He’s off to Australia for a year on Wednesday. Doing some travelling with his girlfriend. You out celebrating your birthday tomorrow?’

I smile a little. It’s so typical of Kieran to remember his ex-girlfriend’s mate’s birthday. In a way, he was almost too caring and considerate. That sometimes came across a bit weird, though. I still remember the first time we met. His chat-up line involved telling me how he was sorry to stare at me, but he had to do a double-take because I looked like his sister. Hardly a classic.

‘Just a couple of quiet ones,’ I say. ‘At least that’s always our intention.’

Kieran laughs and Mandy forces a smile. It infuriates me when she gets like this. It’s almost as if it was her relationship that broke up and not mine. I know deep down she’s only defending me and looking out for my best interests, but I’m a big girl now. I can look after myself. Besides which, she always gets the wrong end of the stick and sees threats and dangers where there are none.

‘Well, I don’t want to get in your way,’ Kieran says, clearly sensing Mandy’s mood. ‘Just wanted to say hi and find out how you are. Didn’t really fancy an evening of awkward glances and trying to pretend we hadn’t seen each other.’

I laugh, as if that had never been on the cards. ‘Honestly, it’s fine. I hope you have a good evening.’

Kieran smiles, wishes Mandy a happy birthday for tomorrow and goes back to join his friends.

‘At least that cleared the atmosphere,’ I say, trying to make conversation with a clearly-pissed-off Mandy.

‘If you say so.’

‘Come on, Mand. It would’ve been far more awkward if he hadn’t come over. He’s trying to make the peace.’

‘He’s trying to get back in your pants.’

I give Mandy a look that tells her I’m not going to stand for any comments like that. She seems to back down a little. Or so I thought.

‘If you want to get back with him, why don’t you just get on with it?’

‘Because I don’t,’ I say, looking her dead in the eye.

She looks down at her drink again.

‘Could’ve fooled me.’