Replay

Chapter 7

7

Okay, so to be fair, David isn’t the worst guy at my school. That distinction would belong to Pete Allred, the guy who lives near the fish hatchery and always shows up reeking of b.o. and spawn. Major zits. A really thick nose and wide nostrils—that would be a problem if I’d woken up thinking about him. David isn’t disgusting, he’s just . . . wrong.

He showed up freshman year, an import from Denver, and I suppose we weren’t exactly welcoming, but David didn’t help his case any by acting like he was Big City and we were just a bunch of hillbillies who ate our own dogs in the winter. Massive GPA, which didn’t add to his charm as far as a lot of people were concerned. Didn’t take long to bring him down. Alex and the rest of the guys made sure of it.

Toomy played her part, too. And I suppose I did, too, although I really didn’t want to bother. When someone is an insignificant little worm, isn’t it easier to just step over him than on him? But whatever. A little well-timed laughter every time he spoke in class, some significant looks and sarcastic smiles between all of us every time he passed—it didn’t take long for people to figure out this one Didn’t Belong. And David seemed to get it, too. He pretty much faded into the background after the first few weeks. Other than when he’s called on in class, I don’t think I’ve heard the guy speak the last two years.

So it wasn’t without some fear that I dialed his number.

And of course he was home, because where would a guy like him go after school? It was half past four, and he probably already had all his homework done. For the next month.

“Hi . . . David?”

“Speaking.”

“Oh. Hi. It’s Cara. Campbell.”

Silence. Then finally, “Cara Campbell.”

“From calc?”

“Yes, I know.”

That was it. Silence once again.

I hate people like that. No social skills whatsoever. Make me do all the heavy lifting.

“So,” I forged ahead, “I haven’t been in class this week.”

Nothing. Not even a “hm.” I felt like hanging up right then. But I was on a mission, and the time for hanging up was last week, in my past life, not this one anymore.

I said it quickly, just to save myself any more miserable pauses. “So I was hoping you might catch me up on what I’ve missed if you have some time this weekend since I’m probably going back on Monday and I don’t want to be totally behind and I can pay you if you want—like it’s tutoring—or maybe I’ll get a pizza or something—I was thinking you could come over Saturday afternoon.”

A long pause. Then, “Fine. Address?”

I gave it to him and hung up before I was tempted to say anything else. Jerk. i***t. My palms were so sweaty you’d think I had just called Prince Harry and asked him out on a date.

This had better count.

Do you hear that, great God of the gray place? I am already sacrificing for you. Not that it won’t pay off, I’m sure, but do you see it isn’t easy? Just because I had this Thing happen to me, doesn’t mean I just jump right up and start this life all over again and I’m a completely different person and nothing is hard for me ever again.

Understand? It’s hard.

And then add to that the fact that I had barely hung up when my bedroom door flew open and there was my supposed boyfriend Alex of the Massive Pecs, grinning at me like he’d given me some huge gift just by walking in.

“Hey, babe.” He came over for his requisite kiss and grope.

Which he didn’t realize I wasn’t giving out anymore until I turned my head and nudged him off.

“Hey,” he said, “what’s up?” He tried again, like it had just been an oversight on my part, and I had to push him again.

He made a sound under his breath like he couldn’t believe I’d just done that.

I pretended to go back to studying something off the computer screen.

I’d thought a lot about that moment—had rehearsed it in my head a hundred times while I was in the hospital—but now that it was here I wasn’t sure I could pull it off. I was hyperaware of my bad leg jutting out between us. I think I thought he might kick it.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

I kept my eyes on the screen. “Nothing. I just don’t feel like it anymore.” I clenched my hands in my lap to keep them from trembling.

“Feel like what?” he asked, even though anyone could have figured it out from the fact that I hadn’t just opened my mouth wide and let him jam his tongue in there.

I used both hands to demonstrate. “No more of that.”

Alex stood there for a moment, not sure if I was teasing him or not. “What’re you talking about?”

“Us,” I said. “Done. Over.”

He still didn’t get it. “What, you’re pouting? Just because I didn’t visit you? I told you I had double workouts all this month. Why’re you being such a b***h?”

There was no point in defending myself, no matter how tempting it was. I’d already made up my mind, and I just needed to get it over with.

“No more s*x,” I said plainly, finally looking him in the eye. “Ever. Never. That’s it. I’m breaking up with you. We’re done. Goodbye.” I turned back to my screen and pretended not to care how he was looking at me.

Alex stood there for a second, and my heart was pumping like I was in the middle of a marathon, and all I could think was, Not the leg, not the leg. But then he grunted something and disappeared through the door.

I could relax. Which meant I could start shaking. Which I did for about the next ten minutes, wondering if he was going to come back, and what I would do if he did.

It’s hard. Starting over is hard. The woman didn’t tell me that. You might know what’s the right thing to do, but that doesn’t always make it easy. I came back with a whole list of mistakes I have to clean up, and Alex was definitely one of them.

One down, fifty million to go.