Truth or Lies

2. Kai

I stole. 

I swore I would never do it again. But I didn’t have a choice. 

It wasn’t about my survival. If it were only me, then I wouldn’t have stolen. Even from someone like Enzo, who has more money than he could possibly spend in a lifetime, based on the expensive clothes he was wearing. But I didn’t steal for me. I stole to save my father. 

And now I owe another debt that will take me years to repay. 

I hold the silver watch in my hand, running my fingers across its smooth face. The watch is warm despite it being made of metal. I make a mental note to repay Enzo when I can, but the reminder won’t be necessary. I’m afraid I will remember Enzo forever. 

His hair was darker than night. His chiseled jaw covered with the dark shadow of his stubble will haunt me for not feeling how the rough edges would feel when I kissed him. And his deep eyes spoke of pain and heartache that no boy our age should have ever experienced. 

I glance back down the street to where the bar sits. I could still return it. Enzo doesn’t deserve to feel any more pain. This watch is expensive, and although I don’t know anything about Enzo, he appears not to be hurting for money. But what if the watch was given to him by his father? Or his mother? What if it was passed down for generations? What if the love of his life gave it to him? What if it is irreplaceable? 

I study the timepiece further. It’s new and barely worn, without a single scratch on it. Almost like today was the first day he wore it. It can’t mean much to him if he’s never worn it, can it? 

A man walks down the sidewalk toward me. I keep my gaze down, trying not to draw attention to the fact that I notice him. 

He’s not here for me, I repeat to myself. 

He’s just a stranger walking down the sidewalk. But it doesn’t stop the chill running down my spine. 

I will repay Enzo someday. I will make things right. Even if I hate him. 

No, hate is too strong of a word. I don’t hate him. Although I’ve never been so tempted to kiss someone in my life. Never wanted to forget about myself more than I did when I was near him. And also never wanted to be swept off my feet by a prince charming who would take me far away from here. Someone who would protect me and ensure I never had to worry about where my next meal came from. 

But Enzo isn’t my prince charming, and even if he were, it’s not what I want. I will find my own way out of this mess I’m in. 

I may not hate Enzo, but he reminded me temptation is real. And I can’t lose focus. I can’t let myself fall for a boy like Enzo. I don’t know anything about him except the look on his face when he taunts me. 

I don’t remember Enzo from school, but I know he can’t be more than a year or two older than me. Seventeen or eighteen I would guess. Not that I attended much school. It’s a waste of time when you need every hour to make enough money to eat. 

I continue walking down the sidewalk, past the row of bars. It’s mid-afternoon, so the streets near the bars have yet to grow busy, but in a few hours, they will be filled with people washing their worries away with a drink and loud music. 

My feet carry me automatically, knowing these streets like the back of my hand. My fingers find the door of the pawn shop on the corner, three blocks over. I slip inside without any guilt. 

I always repay my debts. Always. No matter the cost. 

The door chimes loudly, announcing my presence, not that I need to be announced. Jim is standing behind the counter like he expected me. I haven’t been here in a while, but I have no doubt he heard of the debt my father owes. This is the only way I know how to make enough money to pay off his debt quickly, and Jim knows it. 

I don’t hesitate. I walk to the counter, ignoring the smell of sweat and desperation that seems to always hang in the air here. People come here not because they are greedy, but because they have no other choice but to sell some prized possession or stolen item to survive. The same reason I’m here. 

I pull the stolen watch from my pocket and lay it on the counter. Jim picks it up without a word, already knowing what I want from him. 

He studies the watch carefully, running this thumb across the face’s surface just as I did earlier. He looks for scratches or signs of damage. He taps the metal; I assume to test for authenticity. 

I don’t know how to determine if a watch is counterfeit or not. If I found this watch on the street, I would have a fifty-fifty shot at guessing its value. But after meeting Enzo, I know he would only wear the real deal. He’s not fake. He has money. He’s grown up in an entirely different world from me. And while it still pains me to take it from him, not knowing entirely what it cost him, I will not let the value of the watch go to waste. 

“Five thousand,” Jim says, meeting my gaze as he lets the watch lie flat on the counter while we haggle. 

I’ve done a few deals with Jim before. Never for anything of this much value. I know he’s a fair man, but I also know I have to be willing to lose the sale to get the full worth out of it. 

I can’t lose. 

I don’t have time to find another pawn shop to sell to. The next pawn shop owner might not be so kind. I may have to show my ID or proof of ownership. This is my only shot. 

I stare at the watch, reminding me too much of the owner I only just met.  

I know the exact amount I need. I also know how much I need to feed myself and my father for a month. The amount to give us some breathing room. To pay for our rent. 

But this watch is only about one thing—getting one more day of freedom from my father’s debts. 

I won’t be selfish. I won’t take more than I deserve.

“Eight thousand,” I counter. 

Jim smiles. “That’s an awfully high price for a watch, Miss Miller.” 

I glare back at him. “I know its worth, Mr. Wilson. I know it is easily worth more than ten thousand, and it is in pristine condition. I know you will easily sell it for more than ten grand because you are a good salesman. You could sell a fake for that much easily. You’ll sell the real deal for more.” 

He chuckles. “I am a good salesman, but that doesn’t mean I’ll pay you eight grand.” 

I reach out like I’m going to take the watch back. “No, you would give me ten if I pushed the subject because it’s a good investment for you that you can easily make a couple grand off of and because you know if you treat me well, I will bring you more quality items to sell in the future.” 

I grab the watch. It feels good to have it in my hand even though I know the cost of keeping the watch for myself. But I can’t stop myself from wanting the watch. From wanting him. I slide the watch across the counter toward me before Jim grabs my wrist stopping me. 

“Seven-five, final offer.” 

I smile. I need seven thousand three hundred to pay off the debt. Two hundred extra. But I won’t spend it on food, clothes, or shelter. It will be the first step to paying off my new debt. 

“Deal.” 

Jim nods and then looks down at my hand still gripping the watch while he still holds my wrist. He releases me and waits for me to turn the watch over. 

Instead of letting it go, I hold the watch tighter. I’m not ready to let it go. I’m not ready to let Enzo go. Not that either was ever mine in the first place. But there was something about Enzo that taunted me with a future I have always wanted. Money, protection, and adventure. 

Something my current life lacks. My life is destined to become the same over and over. I have no future—nothing beyond working my ass off to repay debts. No man would ever want to take me on, not when they realize the money they would owe just to ensure we would be free. 

“Miss Miller?” 

I cling to the watch for a single second, reminding me of the promise in Enzo’s eyes. He wanted me. Somehow I know a single night with Enzo would have been more adventure than I ever dreamed my boring life could have. 

“Miss Miller?” 

I turn and meet Jim’s gaze. 

He holds out his hand, and I raise mine over his. The watch doesn’t fall out of my hand willingly. It glides reluctantly through my grasp like I’m letting my future slip away—a future I can never have. 

Jim takes the watch, and my eyes burn with regret as I watch him place the watch in a small black box. Its gleam disappears beneath the lid as he closes it away from me. He then turns to the cash register. 

“Cash or check?” 

I swallow hard as my mind returns to my reality of what I need to do. 

“Cash.” 

He nods, already knowing what my answer will be. He pulls out the cash and counts it into my hand. 

“Stay safe, Miss Miller. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to one of my best customers.” 

The wad of cash is large, too bulky to conceal in anything but a purse or bag I don’t have. And I won’t spend a dime on any of the purses lining the rack at the front of the pawn shop, even if I should to ensure I make it back home with all of the bills. I tuck a handful into each of my two pockets and then shove the remaining into my bra, not caring that Jim eyes my cleavage as I do. 

“I always do.” 

His eyes seek mine, and I swear I see a hint of concern etched in the wrinkles that form around his eyes. “See that you do.” 

He knows where the watch came from. I don’t know how. I didn’t notice any etchings or name written across the band. But Jim knows, and he’s warning me. I’m not going to get anything else out of him though—no other help or words to explain why he’s worrying. I’m not afraid of anyone, including the boy I stole the watch from. 

I turn without another word and leave the pawn shop, leaving only the ringing chimes of the door as I exit. 

The sun blazes hotter as I step outside, causing instant blisters to form on my bare shoulders. I wish I had a car, a bike, any form of transportation to get me home faster. I would even settle on a hat to shade my head from the burning rays causing sweat to bead down from my forehead to my back. Even my ass is sweating. 

The heat doesn’t stop me from running. I have two miles to run to make it back to the trailer and not a minute to spare. So I run, despite my flip-flops, despite the intense heat, and knowing what awaits me when I get home. 

My flip-flops slow me down, so I take them off and run, risking piercing my foot on broken glass that tends to clutter the sidewalks from drunk tourists. Risking tetanus with each step doesn’t stop my feet from running. 

Running should make me feel free. My feet are moving so fast, my body flying. But I only run out of fear. Only one thing makes me feel free. Only one thing brings me a moment to forget. I close my eyes as sea salt sprays my face. The ocean is the only place I truly feel free. 

My body collides with that of another. The body isn’t strong enough to knock me down, just enough to make me stop. 

“Mason,” I gasp and fling my arms around my only friend in the world. 

He holds me tightly in his scrawny arms as I bury my face in his chest, breathing in his cheap cologne so different from the rich, musky scent that oozed from Enzo. I may have called Enzo a boy, but he carries himself like a man. Mason, on the other hand, is a boy through and through. Mason is skinny, not from lack of food, but because he hit a growth spurt recently and his body has yet to catch up with his new found height. His muscles are there, but thin against his frame in long bands, not thick with years of working out. His hair hangs in long waves around his tanned face, made for the beach. But no one would ever call him anything but a boy.

I pull away and see the hauntingly worried look in Mason’s face. I can’t call him anything but a friend, even though I felt him sniff my hair as he held me. Even though I felt his body go rigid, his c**k stirring against my flat body. 

His feelings have only recently developed. A few months ago he thought of me as nothing more than a friend. More like an annoying younger sister than as a girl he craves. But things changed. I don’t know how or when exactly. But they did. Mason stopped seeing me as a girl and started thinking about me as a woman. But he’s wrong. I’m nothing but a naive girl and Mason is my friend. That’s all. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask as I pull away, out of his clutches. Mason is standing at the entrance to our trailer. He rarely comes here. When we hang out, it’s at school or his home. An actual house. Not here. Not where we are both reminded of how I come from nothing, and he has everything. 

“You haven’t been at school in weeks. I was worried about you.” He strokes my face, and I see the fret all over his. 

I nod. “I’ve been busy working. I should have called and told you I was fine.” 

“You don’t seem fine. You wouldn’t have run into my arms that way if you were fine.”

I smile making sure the edge of my mouth reaches my eyes, so it seems genuine. “I missed you, Mason. And I wasn’t expecting to see you again until I go back to school.” 

“Don’t lie to me, Kai. You’re not planning on returning to school, not now that you are sixteen and not legally required to go. You’ve been slipping away more and more to work on that boat. To pay back debts that aren’t yours to be burdened with.” His fingers twist the ends of my hair between his fingers. “Stay with me, Kai. Finish school. You could live in Colton’s room, now that he is away at college. My parents wouldn’t mind. And then after you and I could—” 

“I can’t.” I won’t let Mason finish his thought. I don’t think I can ever think of Mason as more than my friend. I don’t think I can think of any man in that way. Not if I want to survive. 

“You can.” 

I shake my head. “My father needs me.” 

“Your father is a grown man. He can take care of himself. Come with me.” 

I hear the footsteps behind me, the rough sand shifting beneath their feet and their voices echoing throughout the trailer park. This is a world Mason doesn’t belong in, and I won’t let him become a part of it. 

“You should go. My shift starts soon.” 

Mason nods. “I can give you a ride.” 

“Dad is giving me a ride on his way into town.”

Mason studies me a moment, trying to determine if I’m lying or not. 

“I need to change. I’ll see you at school next week. I promise.” I pat his shoulder and smile. He seems to accept my words as truth. He doesn’t realize his friend would ever lie to him. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to do anything to survive.  

“I’ll see you next week, Kai.” He smiles back at me brightly, thinking our world will go back to normal. 

He walks away with a small skip to his step. My smile drops watching him. I hate lying, but I won’t let myself bring him down with me. 

The voices grow closer, and I turn in their direction. 

“Where’s your father, girl?” The man who speaks can’t be much older than I am. Maybe early twenties if I had to guess. His voice is harsh and demanding. He’s used to getting what he wants with his threatening voice and stony stare. I see the glint of a gun at his side beneath a jacket that is too warm to be wearing here.

“My father’s not here.” 

The man growls as he approaches and grabs my arm, pushing me hard against the side of the trailer. 

I wince but quickly bring my face back to neutral. Never show weakness. 

“I’ve been chasing you all day, girl. And I have no time for games. Where is your father? If you don't find him, I’ll make sure you repay his debt.” 

I hold my breath to keep my body from trembling in fear. To keep him from noticing the speed of my heartbeat. I saw him earlier today. Hunting my father and me down like animals. 

That’s why I ducked into the bar. 

That’s why I stole from Enzo. 

Not to keep this man from hurting me. I already know I will lose my virginity by a man like him. Repaying a debt neither my father nor I could pay. 

I’ve accepted it. 

I don’t need to be a fortune teller to know my future. It’s the same as any of the other girls living in the trailer park. 

But I stopped it happening for one more day. I stopped my father from being beaten, tortured, and killed for one more day. 

One more day. 

That’s all I can ever buy. That’s all I can ever steal. 

“I have what you came for.” 

The man’s hand moves to my throat.

I gasp. 

I can’t help it. It’s natural to fight for breath when he touches me like this. I can’t resist my natural instinct to survive. To find air where there is none. 

I recoil into my body, trying to keep my fear inside. 

His eyes travel up and down my body, assessing me, deciding if my body is enough to forgive my father’s debt. 

He chuckles in anger. “You are far too skinny for my liking. You’re not even a woman yet. You haven’t filled out with curves that I can sink my teeth into.” 

I growl as he speaks about my body and then spit in his face. 

His laughter deepens as he studies my mouth. “Although, pushing my c**k into your throat so you can’t speak or breathe might please me. It will not be enough to repay the debt your father owes, but it will entertain me until he returns.”

He pushes me toward the trailer. I stumble into the door. 

Asshole. 

I feel him walking toward me, but I won’t let him touch me again. I turn with a fierceness surging through my veins. 

“I have the money to pay you back.” 

He eyes me up and down again. “I won’t take a check from you, girl. I know anything you write will bounce.” 

“Good, because I intend to pay you in cash.” 

I dig into my bra and pull out the first wad of cash. His eyes grow big as he stares at the thick bundle. 

“How did you get the money? Did you already w***e yourself out to protect dear old daddy?” 

My eyes tighten into slits. My body tenses, and I dig my heels into the hard sand to keep myself from attacking this man. “Do you want the money or not?” 

He nods.

I pull the rest of the money from my pockets, careful to keep the last two hundred in my pockets away from his eyes. If he saw I had more money, he would take that too, as interest.

I shove the wad of money into his hands. 

“How do I know this is everything?” 

“Because unlike you I’m not a filthy liar. I keep my promises and pay back everything I owe. Now leave.” I turn and march into the unlocked trailer before he says another word. I slam the door shut and stick the broom through the door handle to lock the door. It does no good when we leave the house, but there isn’t anything inside worth stealing. All it does is provide some level of protection to keep men like him out. 

I shake against the door, my breathing fast and heavy. Even so, I don’t get enough oxygen into my lungs. Goosebumps cover my thin arms and my gut wrenches at the thought of being violated. 

I close my eyes and try to forget about him grabbing my neck. About threatening to rape me or stick his c**k down my throat. I try to forget it all, but I never can. It’s not the first, nor the last time I’ll be threatened. 

A knock pounds at the door making me jump. He got his money. What could he possibly want? 

My mind races with what to do, how to save myself. I run to the drawer in the kitchenette. I yank it open and rummage through the drawer looking for a knife. All I find is a butter knife. 

The knock rattles the entire trailer this time, and I grip the dull knife in my hand aiming it toward the door. Maybe I’ll be able to jab it in his eye, and he will leave realizing I’m not worth the struggle. 

“Kai, it’s me.” My dad’s voice travels through the door, weak and worried. He must have seen the man he owes a debt to. He doesn’t know I paid it. That I’m still alive with my virginity still intact. 

I race to the door, pull the broom handle out, and open the door still gripping the knife. 

Father lets out a breath when he sees me. “Are you…?” He can’t finish. 

I drop the knife. “I’m fine.” 

It’s the truth. I’m fine. I’m always fine, but never more. 

Never safe. 

Never happy. 

Just fine. 

“Good.” He nods. “I can’t stay. Mr. Bramble is—” 

“I took care of it.” I step back to let father into the trailer. He doesn’t offer me a hug, although I can tell he was concerned about him. And even if he did, I wouldn’t relish the embrace the way I did Mason’s. Father may care about me, and I may risk my life to take care of him, but it doesn’t stop the anger or pain we both feel toward each other. We just haven’t been able to find our way after we lost my mother. 

He studies me a moment and then nods. He doesn’t thank me. He doesn’t ask how I came up with the money. He doesn’t tell me he’s sorry for the life he’s forced me in to. Nothing, but a nod. 

He walks to the recliner in what most would call a living room and sinks into it, putting his feet up in the chair. He’ll be asleep within minutes. The trailer has only one bedroom that is big enough for one tiny twin bed. I sleep there; he sleeps here. 

We shouldn’t hate each other, but we do. We shouldn’t resent each other. It’s neither of our faults, not really. My father does his best captaining various vessels, mostly yachts for the rich. They pay him well, but we will never get out of the debt my mother caused us. 

Cancer. 

She died of cancer when I was little, so young I can’t even remember her. She fought a long time, over five years. But the entire time she was nothing but a vegetable. But that didn’t stop my father from trying to save her. Through chemo, treatment, the nurses and doctors costing more than we could ever afford to repay. 

Most men in the trailer park have addictions that have cost their families everything. Gambling, drinking, drugs. 

Not my family. 

My family will forever be haunted by the ghost of my mother. If only her body had given up when her spirit did, then we would just have thousands of dollars in debt to repay instead of millions.

Then my father wouldn’t have to take on more loans from nefarious people to pay the medical bills that never end. 

Then I would be able to attend school instead of working all day long. 

Then maybe father and I would have a relationship beyond two people merely surviving in the same trailer. 

That’s not life. 

That’s a fairytale. 

I watch as my father closes his eyes. Sometimes I think he’d rather stay on the fancy yachts, away from here, where even his debts can’t find him. Instead of coming home to this dump. I haven’t seen him for three weeks, but it makes no difference to me. He’s the only family I have and just as he works to protect me, I work to protect him. 

I don’t wake him as I head out the door, even though I should, to ensure he pushes the broom handle back through the door, so he’s safe. I just slip out of the trailer and start my long walk to the docks. Because even though I stole over seven grand today, it’s not enough. 

It’s never enough. 

I ensured our survival for one more day. But we don’t have enough for food for tomorrow. And now, I have my own debt to repay.