Blind to love

Flashback

Thinking about my father and how he still leaves flowers at my mothers grave I can't help but think about the time I had it all, a loving boyfriend kai and a life that we both had planned marriage and kids but it never turned out, I still remember the time kai got down on one knee and purpose to me, it was the sweetest thing flowers in one hand and the ring in the other. I met kai when I was twenty we hit it off and it turned out he was also in the army, our army friends called us the power couple and I loved it but everything change in one mission. That all it took one mission for everything to change and change it did. I had everything and now what do I have apart from a broken heart. All the pain I keep inside of me is killing me slowly as I think about the day I lost everything I held close to me. 

-flashback-

"we have confirmed our target is in the building hiding out after we hit his last compound, this should be in and out, get the target don't fire unless fired upon" listening to the orders I start gearing up while looking at the board with the blue prints, i'm not sure how we managed to get blue prints for his compound but we managed too, it almost looked too easy, like he's drawing us out. Topping up my g*n I tuck my engagement ring into my shirt that on my necklace with my dog tags, I have always kept the ring close to my heart while we prepared for mission, I'm not allowed it on my finger so necklace is the closest case. Finishing with my gear I make my way to the bus climbing on with Jacob in front of me and AJ behind me we tap the doll on the dashboard for good luck before taking our seats, some where deep down I feel a bad feeling about this but as the door closes kai's team climbs on the bus, I spot kai straight away smiling at him as our eye meets. I didn't realise our teams was working together. Feeling the seat next to me dip I know straight away its him and I lend into him resting my head on his shoulder trying to relax before we start.

"Keep you head up princess" I hear as kai kisses my forehead before climbing off the bus, we have reach our destination, my g*n is in my hands. Hearing we are two clicks from our target in the dead of night having four hours till sunrise we start moving covering the ground as we move in a team not leaving each other side. Head piece on i'm near the back of the pack covering our rear ends if needs be as we move in twos we get closer to our target. Not wanting to scare our target we head on foot knowing its a lot quieter on foot then cars. Seeing our target building in view I start hearing g*n shot from above, we are under fire already, I knew this was a bad idea. Firing back kai's team start to heads inside while we finish the gunfire that's coming from outside, we are in formation making sure our backs are covered as we shot. Killing the last man our team is right behind kai's but as we get closer to the building a loud explosion goes off, I get throw backwards feeling the ground hit me from behind as I land, it takes a could of seconds for me to come too but as I look around I see nothing but the building crumpling into piece with kai's team inside, I'm shocked as I kneel there looking at the building thats no longer standing. I'm lost for words as I sit on my knees staring at where the building was, I cant get any words out.

"Nooo kai" I finally scream trying to run inside the building only to be held back by Jacob, tears are running down my face as I think about my fiancé being killed inside the building with his team. Fighting to get inside Ryan runs over trying to hold me back with Jacob, I can't think as I think about loosing my fiancé, he can't be dead. no he can't. Kneeling down I look at the building well what's left of the building as the last piece falls down. I don't know what to think as I look on, he was my everything just to be killed like that. 

-end of flashback-

Thinking of that night and the recovery team pulling everyone out the building I couldn't think how I had to be pulled away from the mission and reported back to base where I stayed till the bodies was recovery and in there caskets ready to be shipped home. The night I never left kai's casket I slept next to him not wanting to leave him. The tears wouldn't stop falling as I laid beside him, in the end my platoon laid beside me not wanting to leave me on my own as I witness my own fiancé by killed by a suicide bomber right in front of me. we was together for six years, was going to get married when we got back home and start a family but instead life took him away from me before we could. A month later I couldn't continue with the army not the way the army sealed everything that happened that night, I made an appointment and stepped down from the army needing a little space, knowing it was for the best as I couldn't let that day go and how it went wrong so quickly, durning that meeting we spoke about the reserves and wondering if I wanted to join up, I was undecided and left it at that, kai was my super hero and now it time to let go, I watched him fall knowing I couldn't save him. Letting him go was the hardest thing I could off done. 

Finally getting out of bed I make my way downstairs with my laptop in one hands not sure what i'm suppose to do today or everyday till I die, when I wasn't on mission I would work out or work on cars that have been damaged wondering if they could be repaired. Pulling my laptop up I head straight on google looking for a car that need some love, I have saved every penny I had for eight years from the army and thats a lot, buying a car to repair sounds a good idea to keep my mind off my fiancé and the silence. However I still have that one email to my brother that I have to do hoping we could start small like father said. 

To. jay 

from Callie 

I know me saying i'm sorry isn't as easy as missing eight years of your life, I always intended to come back to you sooner or send a email but I guess I chickened out which doesn't sound like me if you knew what I been doing, you would understanding slightly. I should off texted first saying I was in town but I thought a face to face meeting was appropriate to say i'm sorry which didn't turn out as I couldn't look in your eyes and say it. I'm writing to you in hopes that we could work this out, your my brother I bailed on and now i'm hoping for a second chance, I can't promise ill tell you everything but in time ill tell you what you want to hear, I am sorry I missed so much of your life, if it makes you feel better it wasn't the easiest last few months. By the way I seen father, he looks good for his old age. I miss you. 

Sending the email knowing there's a chance I won't get one back worries me as I don't know how much hate he has for me, I would come to terms if he didn't want to see me I just wish I could tell him everything that happened to me but I'm still struggling with it as I haven't fully come to term with what happened myself. Beginning to log off a email pops up and a part of me is hoping its my brother but as I read the name I notice it isn't and it is the car I wanted to work on, a little of me is happy I have the car and its been dropped off later tonight. Closing the laptop I sit there in silence unsure what i'm suppose to do next, hating the silence I head outside needing the sit on the outside steps to hear anything knowing in time I could live with the silence but right now I can't. Having my head In my hands I have my eyes closed listening to the cars drive pass, for such a small road it is always busy for just before dinner. Having a different idea I head inside putting a pair of shorts on and a sports b*a with a long t-shirt over the top needing to run off some of the stress, grabbing the headphones on the counter I waste no time locking the door and jogging down the road, still unsure how much has changed in the years I wasn't here I make sure to jog around the small town with the shops. I only had one friend Zoey she was a childhood friend from kindergarten, we did everything together pretty much attached to the hip, just thinking about her i'm curious as where she is now and what she's doing, with Zoey I also left without a goodbye and haven't sent a email, text or letter letting her know where I am, i'm hoping she has moved on and living her best life, I never intended to hurt anyone. Jogging around the houses I blank everyone out who's looking and focus on my music needing this jog to loose me up before I start working on my new car, I made sure to get one that needed a lot of work knowing I need something to do with my time and what a better way then getting my hands dirty.