SPEED DATING WITH A MAFIA KING

9. THE DEVIL STEALS KISSES

I loved myself enough to know when to let go.

I loved him too much to know when to walk away.

The room was dark and cold.

My body leaned down, bending with me just holding everything in by the lord’s grace.

My lips shook so hard, swollen and sore. I placed them on his hair, kissing him with my eyes closing as the tears streamed down, falling on him.

I knew he was awake, knew he had been awake when I pulled from my slumber. Knew he had been awake as I walked to take a shower and dress up. Washing his kisses one of the worst things ever, breaking me apart.

Maybe he would be happier with someone else.

He was my everything but just not my one.

I could not straighten up, feeling as if I would collapse on him, nothing right. Everything hurt. The physical pain drowned by the paralyzing pain of my heart tearing apart over and over again.

Everything that could be said was said. Everything that could be done was done and it was time to walk away.

I pushed myself up with such force. My legs were heavy, feeling as if my sneakers were filled with water, not able to pick each foot up. It was a struggle, putting one foot in front of the other until I stood in front of the front door.

My hand came at my mouth, holding everything back. I thought it would be easier, thought it would not be this hard but I felt as if I was dying, seeing the days ahead and they were dark. I did not think I could bare through them.

My hand fell on the door, unlocking it to step out into the cold and rain.

The car stood waiting, lights bright as the heavy rain poured with no mercy.

My bag was in hand.

I closed the door, forced to run away, to run down only to stop and open the car door. There was no time to look back, getting soaked with me slipping into the car and close the door.

My head turned, having texted Ivan, but my dad sat on the driver’s seat.

His eyes took me up and down, tears streaming down my face, wearing a hoodie to hide away. I could see the anger just radiating off my father, not even able to say a single word. My head turned to stare at the house, it dark, marking it in my head because I would never forget it. I would never forget him. He would forever be my first love, the love of my life.

I sniffled, feeling the sob come back as the car turned around. The wipers worked hard. I dropped my bag down, kicking off my sneakers to bring my feet on the seat. I pulled the seat belt then just lay my head on my knees, letting the tears stream. They just kept coming, never stopping until my nose was blocked, shaking so hard even with the heat turned on. My head was pounding, not even able to sleep, just sitting there with my heart breaking over and over again, just ripping apart. How could the second time feel even worse? I felt as if everything was just closing all around me. I felt as if I was crushing. A part of me screaming for me to run back to him, and kiss him never to let go. The words were loud in my head to stop the car, yet I just sat there, draining tears until my head felt heavy.

Slowly but surely I was drifting away but never quite.

The car stopped, sure we were not home. I could see the bright lights through the fog but I just sat there. My dad hopped off, the door closing with much force. All I could do was blink. It wasn’t long and he was back, buckling his belt with the car moving again.

We drove for half and hour before we got home.

I unbuckled my belt, turning to stare at dad through my swollen eyes.

“ Thank you dad.” Even I could barely hear myself, the hurt just exploding even as I talked. He nod his head, holding out a brown pharmacy paper bag to me which I took. I turned to take my bag with us walking out of the car in the garage. We closed the door, it so cold. We walked into the house and I really did not want to see anyone.

I just kept my head bowed, walking straight to my room where I closed the door. I dropped the bag, walking to the bathroom and placed the paper bag dad gave me. I opened the tap, then opened the paper bag. I pulled out the pink box, just feeling more tears swamp my eyes. I pulled the card out, taking out the two pink morning after pills. I threw them in my mouth, drinking water to push them down my throat. Everything was thrown in the bin, fighting to get to bed where I just buried myself, hugging my body into a cocoon with tears flowing.

My door opened, and closed, the bed soon dipping with the person getting under the covers. Arms wrapped around me, my hands holding on to my brother’s arms. My body turned, burying my face into his chest, holding on tight until we both fell asleep.

I was tired of being the sole creator of drama in my family. I was tried of always crying and needing support. I was done with love, just shutting myself off.

I slept all of Sunday in. My hand kept stretching to my phone, thinking Azrail would text, hoping he would just call me and we work it out even though I had told myself I was done. His silence just reassured me that I made the right choice, as hard as it was to accept that.

Monday came with the weekend feeling as if it had went on for years. I sat in my office, buried in Ivan’s work. I just brought more and more work to take my mind off the pain I was feeling. If I kept reading, I would not feel anything. If I kept typing, everything else just disappeared.

The members of my team came to give me some reports. I welcomed them with open arms, more work for me, doing the reports and I was done in two hours, taking them to the higher management. Work was flowing, literally all of us in that department having little to nothing to do. I asked if they could go assist in other departments just to keep busy, it would be marked as extra work thus them getting paid a little extra which was good.

My head was bent, working past lunch. I was not hungry at all, just needed something deep that would have my mind so engaged I would even forget where I was.

The door opened and closed with me not picking up my head. I waited for the person to state their problem but silence stretched out. I frowned, maybe they had left, yet still, the hairs on my body soared.

I frowned deeper, forced to peak my head up only to freeze where I was. The pen dropped on the desk, eyes wide and skin immediately pale.

It was like seeing a ghost.

The memories of the night we shared came back to me. I had bruises all over my neck to show for what had happened, nothing a scarf could hide so I had resorted to just painting my neck with foundation. He had really left his mark on me, wishing I could tattoo on his love bites so I could remember the night forever.

My breath hitched, not knowing what I was feeling, not knowing if I was happy or not but my heart beat from my throat.

My hands shook, suddenly feeling a bit faint, not even able to catch my breath as my eyes froze right on Azrail who looked as if he had just went through world war three.

His white shirt had the sleeves rolled up, the last buttons undone with his hair messy as if it had just been blown by a hurricane. My body sparked, realizing that he was in the room, knowing its weakness and he was just there.

My chair was pushed back, not even registering what was happening in my head. All that was buzzing was his name, that handsome face that I missed in just the day I had left. I missed running my hands through his skin.

I walked around my desk only to stop.

What was I doing?

No!

I stood where I was, tearing my eyes from him because he was making me confused and I needed to stick by my decision to leave.

A shaky breath was let out, it not relieving the pressure in my chest.

He moved from the door, taking fast steps I had no time to even back away as I found myself pressed against him and my desk, no way out.

His eyes stared right at me, seeing the determination there. His hand came up, cold and strong, right on my neck only for it to slide up. He cupped my face with my eyes closing because his touch was weakening. I felt my knees melt away, going wobbly, forced to stare at his eyes, not able to think, everything useless in my body. His thumb ran up, brushing on my chin with his other hand having gripped my waist with such force I would bruise, yet my underwear just got soaked in just those milliseconds.

“ Masha.”

His voice was harsh, deep and scary, my s*x begging for those lips, so wet. I clutched my legs together, a purr pulling from me. A whole purr! My toes curling.

He did not wait a second longer, pulling me roughly to him and smashing his lips on mine. He was punishing me yet such good punishment I clung to him with everything I had, my head tipping back a little with hands on his body.

The kiss went deep, him then biting my lower lip a little before giving it much needed attention. He was the devil. He was my devil.

I heard the door open with it closing just as fast, an oops thrown in the air. We did not pull back. By the time his lips pulled from mine, all I could do was draw in so much air because he would kill me. He made my heart drum so hard only to kiss me so sweetly I could not breathe, just evil.

I could not even open my eyes.

His lips brushed against mine one more time, feeling his anger and his need.

“ Tell me to leave and never come back.” He spoke, me not even sure I knew what my name was at that point.

How could he be so wicked? I held on tighter to him, sh*t.

Just when I was letting go, he came and whooshed in my life like a tsunami. Why did he do that? Promise me a future that wasn’t there. He knew how much I wanted him.

Sh*t, I could not even speak, my mind dizzy because of him.

“ Okay.” He said back, him claiming my lips one more time and the next thing I knew, the door was being closed, him leaving nothing but distraction behind.