Fear and Courage

Chapter 4-1

Chapter 4

Jim returned home, happy to have the house to himself. He stripped to his briefs and vacuumed, dusted the small living and dining rooms, took the garbage cans to the curb, not caring if anyone saw him in his underwear. Then he returned to the house, got clean clothes, and rushed into the bathroom, careful to lock the door in case anyone came home. He checked himself in the full-length mirror on the back of the door. “Yeah, dude, you’re hot. I’d f**k you anytime.”

By the time he shed his briefs, he was hard and throbbing. He dropped to his knees and jacked himself, imagining Brian before him, who would say, “Suck my big black dick.” Nervously, Jim would lower Brian’s pants and palm the hard c**k behind the erotogenic powder blue briefs, or maybe the red ones with a low cut from which Brian’s boners would stick out over the top. Then he’d pull down the front and Brian would hold the back of Jim’s head and tell him to put the d**k in his mouth. Brian would face-f**k him and he’d fight the urge to gag, wanting to please his friend.

He imagined Brian coming in his mouth. He worked up saliva, pretending it was Brian’s c*m, and he swallowed it, He’d enjoyed it last night when Brian had shot on his chest. Now, he dreamed of a bunch of guys together in a room, maybe watching porn, and they’d take out their c***s and jack off, seeing who would shoot the farthest and whose d**k was biggest, or maybe they’d all make Jim suck them off.

Jim sped up his own stroking until his right arm slowed from fatigue, losing its rhythm, and he took over with his left hand. A minute later, he came in his free hand with c*m splashing out. He stared at the collection in his cupped hand, sniffed, and licked. Just like always, a bit salty and intriguing. Did all semen taste the same? He’d liked tasting Brian’s juice, so he licked more of his own and wiped the rest into his hair.

Afterward, he got in the shower, intending to make it a quick one, but the memory of the jack-off session filled his mind, and how he’d love to be in a shower with Brian, never having done that with anyone. When younger, he’d kissed girls because it was expected. Trying to be “normal,” he’d gone on dates and had even felt a breast under a bra and blouse because the girl had put his hand there. But even then, he’d thought of Brian. His mother moving them into this neighborhood all those years ago had been the best thing in his life, and now he prayed for Brian to be his someday.

If only he had the guts to confess.

Jim turned the water hotter and his breaths came quicker. Even though he’d come only minutes ago, his d**k became hard and the soap felt good and smooth on it. Then he rubbed up a lather and stroked with his right hand as his other hand played with his ass. His fingers circled his manhole. He sucked in a breath and made entry with his middle finger. He moaned and leaned against the wall. Previously, he’d always thought of the ass as dirty, never to be touched, so why did he now think about putting things, especially Brian’s d**k, in there? He rotated his wrist in experimentation and flexed his finger. It felt so good, and all he wanted was for Brian to be there with him. Then tension built, and he pumped his c**k and fingered his hole. He instinctively put his left foot on the side of the tub, allowing him to shove his finger in deeper.

He shuddered and slid into the corner. The soap felt like velvet on his purple cockhead, and he couldn’t hold back. “Briannnn!” Struggling to remain upright on suddenly weak knees, he shot, sending the usual exhilarating zing throughout his body. While it felt awesome, it felt not nearly as good as being with Brian.

Jim slowly got his balance and washed, knowing the hot water would run out soon. Afterward, he eyed himself in the mirror as he dried.

He gingerly opened the door and listened for any sounds in case his mom or the bastard had arrived home unexpectedly. He called out, but when he received no response, he carried his fresh clothes into his room. He rested on his bed naked, his legs spread for a few minutes with images of Brian firmly entrenched in his head. He grabbed his sketchpad and drawing pencils and made another cartoon version of Brian, this time at a huge stove with piles of food on plates, with him wearing a happy grin.

A short time later, Jim sighed and dressed in cut-offs, a T-shirt, and flip-flops and added a puka shell necklace that he thought made him look cool. He left a note for his mom and headed outside, padded down Brian’s driveway, and slipped through the side doorway since they hardly used the front.

Confession time!

He found Brian scurrying around the kitchen in his underwear. “I’ve never seen white briefs with a red waistband. Sexy.”

Brian winked. “Faggot.”

“Prick tease.”

“It’s too hot for clothes. Grab some sodas.”

Jacking off twice kept Jim safe from getting a boner in Brian’s presence—at least for a while—so he stripped to his briefs.

Brian carried a bowl on a silver tray and a sandwich made out of a loaf of French bread on a platter. With sodas in hand, Jim rushed ahead to the basement, then cleared the tiny worn wooden table. He positioned two old wooden chairs so they faced each other, and they sat with their knees touching.

“Brian, that’s the most awesome looking sandwich ever. What’s in it?”

“‘Awesome’ is a gay word, just so you know. You say it, like, all the time, dude.” His eyes twinkled, but he kept his face flat. “I’ve been reading about Italian cooking in the library.” He bit his lip.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because you are going to love this sandwich. Oh, I got the job at Ristorante Italiano downtown. They called thirty minutes ago. I start next Monday morning, helping with breakfast and lunch.”

“That is totally awesome, dude. That place is far out, but it’s the only Italian restaurant I’ve ever heard that’s open for breakfast.”

“Hey, it’s downtown. Gotta cater to the business people.” Brian’s grin was Christmas-day quality. “Yeah, I’m scared, but looking forward to it.” He cut the colossal sandwich into sections, served an ample slice to Jim, and took one for himself. “There’s coleslaw in the bowl.”

“I love your slaw. It’s awesome.”

“You keep using that gay word.”

“You read about cooking and you think I’m gay? Ha!” He took a huge bite. “Wow. What’s in this?”

Before responding, Brian took a gentle bite. Jim locked his gaze on his friend’s smooth face, showing no signs of a beard starting. Jim, however, shaved once a week.

“Four kinds of cold cuts, three cheeses, lettuce, tomatoes, sweet peppers, fresh spinach, salt, black pepper, thyme, oregano, basil, oil, and balsamic vinegar. I made one for my dad to take with him.” Brian’s smile evaporated and his face flattened. “And I told you, I’m gay.”

Jim didn’t know what to say to the latter statement. “What’s balsamic vinegar?”

“It’s Italian, one of about a hundred types of vinegars. There’s also regular white vinegar, rice, apple cider, and a lot more.”

Brian turned on the TV just in time for the six o’clock news, showing the usual footage of the war in Vietnam. Both boys got quiet while the screen displayed the number of those killed for the day, Americans and both South and North Vietnamese. It also gave statistics on Americans wounded. Then came footage of injured soldiers being cared for, and others shooting or ducking for cover. They showed a napalm bombing strike with the strange and almost invisible flames, making Jim think of hell. How bad would the pain be when engulfed in napalm before you died?

Jim ate and eyed the sandwich, wanting more even before finishing his first serving. Besides, it distracted him from the war news. And Brian. He took a generous helping of coleslaw. Their eyes met from time to time. Brian opened a bottle of root beer. He sipped, then put it on the table. Jim grabbed it and drank from it before they gawked at each other.

“It has to be hell over there,” he said. “The poor people, their country torn apart for all these years. Our soldiers flying in and being carried out. Having to kill other human beings.” He shook his head. “What’s it like to get shot or have something explode near you?” Damn, he was being a coward.

“It has to hurt with your flesh tearing and bones breaking. I heard some soldiers had their genitals shot or blown off.” Brian sucked in a fragile breath. “We’re going to get drafted soon.” His face darkened. “Would you still think good of me if something really bad happened to me?”

“Of course. Why?”

“You ever think of killing yourself?” Brian’s voice had turned hollow and softer than usual.

Jim dropped his sandwich. “Dude, you’re scaring me.” Then he tried for humor. “How can we be best friends if you’re dead?”

“I’m worried about getting drafted. I couldn’t stand being in the military.”

“You want to kill yourself?”

“Only if I get drafted. I don’t want to carry a gun or die horribly in Vietnam, or come back with half my body lying in some rice paddy, shot to ribbons.” He stared at the TV, showing more war horrors.

“Go to Canada.” Jim’s gut tensed, and his heart pounded.

“Dad would freak. He says military service is a duty.”

“If you get drafted, I’ll join and go with you. It’s bad, but not worth killing yourself over.”

Brian reached across the tiny table, took Jim’s hand and held it, something he’d never done. Only girlfriends did such a mushy thing, and Jim had had only two of them.

“Brian, you’re scaring me. You and your dad keep me sane. What would I do without you?” Jim tensed his jaw to stop its quivering.

Now. A more perfect time wouldn’t come.

He drew in a deep breath. “Brian, I’m gay, too. I mean it. I’m not saying it to make you feel good. I’m gay.”

Brian rushed around the table. He grabbed Jim out of the chair and pulled him into a hug, then kissed his lips, hard and long. “I love you.”

All Jim’s fears evaporated. He was free. He’d confessed. “I love you, too, so much.”

Jim’s hard c**k pressed against Brian. He lowered his hands to his friend’s buttocks. “I’ve wanted to touch your ass for so long.”

Within moments, they lay naked on the bed. They pawed each other all over, licked, and kissed. Jim ended up atop Brian, and they rubbed their leaking, throbbing c***s into each other. They humped and rolled around, their breaths escalating.

“Brian, I want you to f**k my ass. It’s virgin, but I’ve been practicing with my fingers.” He sucked for air. “I’ve dreamt of this day forever.”

“Damn, I want you to f**k me.”

“We’ll f**k each other.”

“Jim, tell me the truth. Do you really think you can take my d**k? As far as I know, it was the biggest in high school.”

“Yes.”

Brian ran upstairs for cooking oil. He returned with some in a small jar and almost tripped running downstairs. He tossed Jim face down, lubed his ass, then his own d**k, and pressed it to the hole. “Dude, it’s not going in. Are you tightening up?”

“I don’t know. I’m sort of scared it’ll hurt.”

“Man, of course it’s gonna hurt.”

“You’re not encouraging me.”

Brian pulled back. “Okay, take slow deep breaths and think of how awesome it’ll feel.”

Jim teased. “‘Awesome’ is a gay word.”

Brian laughed and almost fell off the bed. Then as Jim laughed, Brian shoved his c**k in the virgin ass.

“Oh, f**k!”

“Jim, are you okay?”

“Hell, no! You just rammed your s**t up my asshole. Don’t move. I need to adjust.”

“I don’t know if I can’t move. Your hole is so frigging hot. My d**k is throbbing. I need to come.” But he stayed reasonably still and rested atop Jim, sniffing deeply. “I love your scent. It’s so manly.”

“I’ve always loved the way you smell and how you look. Very sexy.” Jim laughed. “This is pretty silly, you laying on me with your c**k in my hole. See if you can move it a little. Be careful.”

Brian slipped inside, just a little. “How’s that?”

“My ass still feels so full, but it’s relaxed a bit. Go deeper, but slow.”

“Damn, I have to come.” Brian slipped inside a fraction of an inch at a time.

“It feels wonderful. Other than the first entry, I love this.”

Soon, Brian began flat out f*****g him. Not too intense, but Jim enjoyed it, a dream fulfilled. He cranked his head left and right so they could kiss. The sensation in his ass was phenomenal. Words failed him. Then Brian shifted to his knees and f****d even faster.

“Oh! Oh! I’m gonna—”

A shot of heat entered Jim’s hole. At first he wondered what it might be, then he realized that Brian had come. He always wondered if he’d feel it. He heard that some people did, and others didn’t. He smiled. His first f*****g and Brian had climaxed in his hole. When Brian pulled out, the d**k head left a strange tingly sensation.

Brian rolled Jim onto his back and kissed him, then lubed Jim’s prick and his own ass. He climbed on Jim and positioned the stiff, leaking c**k at his hole. “I’ve wanted this for so long. I’ve been afraid to confess to you.”

“Me, too.”

Brian slid downward, and Jim watched his d**k disappear up his lover’s ass.

Brian moaned. “Yeah, my ass feels full. I love it.” He slitted his eyes, slowly rolled his head, and moaned a second time. With Jim’s c**k all the way inside, Brian stayed still, obviously enjoying himself. He wiggled his hips, then rode Jim up and down. Brian kissed Jim square on the lips. He bucked like a rodeo hero and had the silliest grin plastered on his face.

Jim soon realized he wouldn’t last. The urge began in his spine and shot to his c**k. He came. Normally he’d moan and sometimes scream when climaxing, but for some reason he felt embarrassed and stayed silent. Blast after blast went up Brian’s hole.

He grabbed Brian’s legs. “Stop.”

“Why?”

“I sort of came.”

“Sort of?” But Brian obeyed and stopped moving, Jim’s boner still up his ass. For a long while, they hugged each other and kissed some more.