So Many Times

Baby Brother Chapter 6

Are you sitting? He asks. You need to sit. I found baby brother, he says. Baby brother was in bed with a plastic bag over his head and a tube in his mouth. The tube was connected to a tank of nitrogen. Nitrogen is a happy gas. Baby brother had a smile on his face. He felt no pain, and never will again.

I think of Mother bringing baby brother home for the first time, a round pink little doll with ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes. Even though I held him then, I didn’t know him. I think of all the sunset colors he will miss. I think I will never have a chance to know him. I drop the phone. Goodbye.