So Many Times

Dear Virgie

Dear Virgie,

We are the proud parents of the most beautiful bride-to-be in the world. She’s disappeared, and we’re afraid that the pressure of the wedding preparations may have been too much for her.

The wedding is in four days, so we can’t call it off. People are coming from all over the country to attend, and many have already arrived.

We don’t want to go to the police unless we absolutely have to. How can we find her without causing a panic?

Signed,

Anxious Parents

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Dear Anxious Parents,

Have you casually checked with your daughter’s friends? Have you checked her bedroom?

Signed,

Virgie

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Dear Virgie,

If I’m aware that a person who has been dead for at least three days is being kept in ice packs in the bathtub, should I report this to the authorities?

Signed,

Nosy Neighbor

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Dear Nosy Neighbor,

Are you serious?

OK, let’s assume you are. If you’re certain that your neighbor is keeping a dead body in the bathtub, notify the police. You don’t have to tell them who you are.

Signed,

Virgie

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Dear Virgie,

I just attended a lovely wedding. But the bride was, well, unusually quiet. Even for her.

I was just wondering. Is it legal to marry a dead person?

Signed,

Curious