One Touch

24: Chipotle Cheese

Caspian faced the porch, waiting. He meant for me to follow him. “I don’t have all day,” he said.

“We can talk here,” I responded. He descended the porch with his car keys in his hand. I stepped out and closed the door. “Why can’t we talk here and get it over with?” I have Atlanta's dried blood in my pocket...

“I want to go somewhere else,” he said, turning his car on. Her blood is in my pocket, dammit. “Like a restaurant or something.” My mind took a sharp turn, away from Atlanta or her lump of a sample. For a second, a jarring feeling hit me, a feeling of hope. Was he asking me…? “Get in the car. It’s already late.”

The sky was dull, the type of dullness it had right before the sunset. The days were shortened and the nights became longer. I sat in the passenger seat, buckling up before Caspian sped off the driveway.

“Where are we going?” I wondered.

“Where do you want to go?” he said. He didn’t decide a place? Was all of this even necessary? “Are you hungry?” The last thing I ate was the sandwich Atlanta made me, which was hours ago.

I shrugged a shoulder. “What’s the meaning of this?” We didn’t need to go this far to talk about Atlanta and I. “Hey, don’t ignore me like that.”

“What?" Caspian's shoulders were relaxed, but he seemed tense. "Can’t we spend time with each other?” Surprise flashed on my face, and his hands tightened on the steering wheel. When I thought he'd retract the question, he said, “Let’s go to a restaurant.” He sounded unsure, like he shouldn’t be here with me.

“You want to spend time with me?” I said, still astonished at his words. He focused on the road more intensely, like it would stop me from thinking too much. “The restaurant… Caspian, are you indirectly asking me to go on a date with you?”

He stiffened, a hard line forming on his lips. “Why would I ask you out on a date?” he said, his voice chilling. “It’s not a date. Don’t get any crazy thoughts.”

I slumped in my seat. I went ahead and assumed the impossible again. Knowing he had a girlfriend, I went off like a missile. Stupid, I was so stupid. We were going to chat, and that was all. After all that had happened between us, we were going to a restaurant, in the evening, just to chat about his sister.

Caspian parked the car in front of the Chipotle Mexican Grill near Downtown. Chipotle was one of my favourite restaurants, and a part of me was happy to be here with Caspian. We waited in line and got our food, choosing a table next to the window to sit at.

“Did Atlanta—?” Caspian began.

“No. She didn’t touch me,” I said, rolling my eyes. “And no, I didn’t touch her either. We made sandwiches and smoothies. We talked about homecoming. Then we watched movies, three movies to be exact. That’s all we did. I swear to God there’s nothing else for you to know.”

“I’m taking my precautions,” he said in his defence. “We have to stay from you, and vice versa.” Suddenly, I lost my appetite and didn’t feel like touching my food.

“Okay, then why aren’t you?” I snapped. “I can list out a dozen times you did the opposite of staying away from me. We—” I didn’t want to mention it since I was sure he already knew. He knew, yet he was closed off about it.

“I don’t know,” Caspian admitted, brushing a hand through his hair. “I do try to stay away, but somehow, you’re right there. Like magic.” I snorted and he smirked. “I said before, nothing is impossible. Like my feelings for you.”

“Nothing is not impossible, you’re just—” Words escaped me when I went back to what he had said. My heart thumped, threatening to jump out of my chest as I stared at Caspian with wide, boggled eyes. “Wait, what did you say?” My mouth felt numb, like blank space had ridden it over.

Caspian was staggered, like he couldn’t believe he said it either. “Nothing important,” he muttered. I pushed my chair back and grabbed his collar from across the table. His hands clenched on his plate when I gave him a dead look in the eye.

“What did you say? Caspian, seriously,” I repeated, my brows furrowed. I was at the official border line between being lighthearted or crestfallen. If what I had heard was true and real, I knew I’d blow up into bits of embarrassment—the good kind of embarrassment.

A group of people passed by, staring at us in bewilderment. I released Caspian’s collar and he picked up his burrito. I didn’t want to leave this alone, especially when what he had said matched what I felt exactly. I ate my food along with him, but no bite tasted delicious.

“You’re incredibly unfair,” I said, my eyes flicking to him. He stopped chewing, observing me as I played with my food. “I know what you said, but I wanted to clarify. If you won’t tell me, then I’ll just assume you didn’t say it.”

“Good,” he said, and I glared at him. “What?”

“Can I pay you to dump this salad on your head?” I asked, and he put down his burrito. “Because I don’t know what to think anymore. Because I feel the same thing you feel. I feel like garbage.”

“I don’t feel like garbage,” he said, not getting the point. I stood up, having enough of this drama. I took out a twenty dollar bill from my pocket, smacked it onto the table and started to walk away. He called me, but I ignored him.

I stomped out of the restaurant, taking out my leftover change and looking for a bus stop. I heard Caspian’s footsteps behind me as he ran to catch up. As he neared me, I knew, I just knew I didn’t deserve this jackass.

“Wait, where are you going?” he said, grabbing my hand. I snatched it back, crossing the road to the bus shelter. “Stop.” I continued to the shelter and stood beside the pole. “Eve, I don’t know how to explain it to you,” he said, facing me towards him. “I don’t even have a proper excuse for taking you out on a date.”

“Just leave me alone,” I said, sighing. “If you’re so determined to stay away from me, then stay from me. I won’t be hurt, and I won’t bother you.” But my throat hurt anyway saying it. I had enough of this.

“Stay here,” Caspian said, reaching for my hand again.

“You’re not wearing your gloves,” I told him, moving it away. I saw the bus coming, and my heart became heavy. “Remember Caspian, you don’t want to touch me. Right?”

He had the bitterest look on his face when the bus stopped in front of us. “Eve, please,” he said. He had never pleaded me, but I wasn’t falling for his change of behaviour this time. I completely forgot about the Zip Lock bag, not like it mattered anyway. At this point, I didn't care about him finding out. I deserved his anger, which would've helped me hate him more. I was being pathetic, but he had treated me worse.

I stepped onto the bus and the door closed, creating a barrier between us.