One Touch

20: Sea of Citrine

Our official camping site was on top of a small mountain, a rocky hill leading up to a cliff made out of boulders and stony plates. There was a gigantic tree at the edge of the cliff, and its gnarly branches stretched for metres above our heads. Its roots sprouted out the rust-coloured surface of the mountain, and sunk back into the ground once it reached the grassy patches farther away from the cliff.

There was a clear view of shorter mountains from our location, and we could get a glimpse of the shore and the sea mounting onto the sand. The rush of water, the twitter of tropical birds, and the smell of brisk air felt nostalgic. I felt this before, but couldn’t remember from where.

The kingdom had set up their tents a good distance away from the edge of the cliff. Atlanta and I were sharing a tent, and ours was the smallest compared to the other two. It dawned on me that I’d be sleeping here overnight, or two nights. I didn’t care about insects or bugs, but the thought of one crawling on my leg made me shudder.

“We need logs for the fire,” Ryu called. “And someone needs to go see where the waterfall is.” A waterfall? “Someone better tell her to not get too close or she’ll kill herself.” Huh? Ryu was staring at me and I bounced away from the trunk of the tree.

“Can I go to the waterfall?” I said, raising my hand.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Caspian answered for me. “Atlanta’s staying here with you. Don’t go off on your own.” That was not fair. We weren’t weaklings.

Eventually, everyone left on the search for logs and the waterfall while Atlanta and I sat facing the cliff. Streaks of burning orange blended into the blue sky, and a smudge of red lined the horizon.

“Let’s explore,” I proposed. “I want to see so much more and no one is letting us. Why can’t we use this opportunity?”

“Let’s explore then,” Atlanta agreed, and we shared sly smiles.

We didn’t go too far from the campsite, enough so we could see the tops of our tents. We found a beautiful, narrow gorge that flowed between multiple rolling hills near the creek. Wildflowers the size of a nail scattered across the creek and Atlanta picked one up.

“I love flowers,” she said. “Especially lilies. They’re gorgeous.” Then she had to see the pond behind the park Caspian and I went to. I wanted to show her, more so now that she told me she loved lilies.

“Atlanta?” I said, and she replied with an ‘Hm?’ “I’m not…I’m not weak, right?” I wasn’t sure where I was going with this, but it spilled from my mouth and I didn’t know how to take it back.

She had a weird expression on her face, but shook her head. “You’re very strong, Eve. Strong as the Hulk.” I giggled. There was not a chance. “You’re not weak. I know you might feel like that, but trust me. You’re not an add-on to this trip.”

I smiled, but it didn’t reach my heart. We wandered for a good while and came across a pond. Lily pads scattered all over the place and Atlanta’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. The centres of each lily glowed like little gemstones, and our surroundings glistened like the Aurora Borealis.

We heard voices and the crunch of leaves. I didn’t know the way back, but Atlanta did as we sprinted back to the tents. We passed the creek and a cluster of trees before we came to the wide opening of the cliff.

“There you guys are,” Emerald said. She was adjusting logs for the campfire and Zavian had the match in his hands. “I told you they’d wander off. You’re lucky Caspian and Ryu haven’t come back yet, or you’d be toast.”

On their mention, they entered the campsite empty-handed. They discovered the waterfall and we’d be heading there tomorrow. Caspian’s eyes travelled to me and away just as quick, but he seemed to relax.

Zavian pulled out two pizza boxes we brought with us for dinner, and I ate in silence. The rest talked about things I couldn’t quite understand, so I didn’t bother listening. It wasn’t until someone said my name I paid attention.

“It’s a golden opportunity,” Ryu prodded Caspian. “All evidence will remain here, so we have nothing to worry about.” Thick shadows formed on Caspian’s face as he bent to get another pizza.

“How about we get the marshmallows?” Amber jumped in. The flames of the campfire reflected in everyone’s faces, creating a vile glint in their eyes.

I never had a s’more before, so I was making my first one. This time, absolute silence stretched between us as we focused on the fire. Sitting on the other side of the fire from me was Caspian. He was staring at me the entire time, his gaze blistering through me as I watched my marshmallow burn.

“I really wanted those lilies,” Atlanta said quietly, slouching against me.

Caspian shot her a glance and she straightened. In turn, I shot Caspian a glance and he looked away with his lips quirking up. Damn, why did he always make my heart jump?

“I’d never held a lily before,” Atlanta continued to say. “And when I finally see them, I can’t get them.”

Under the dark night and bright moon, her hair fell over her shoulders in majestic sky-blue waves. Not only her, everyone resembled an angelic goddess or a dazzling knight in shining armour. I was the one out of place, and I shut my eyes, recollecting the words Haiti and Luna had whispered to each other.

It was time for bed when we had our fill of s’mores, and brushed our teeth before getting into our tents. I couldn’t fall asleep that quiet midnight, whereas Atlanta was gently snoring on her sleeping bag. I was watching the moving silhouettes of the tree’s branches over our tent, and my gaze slid to Atlanta. I didn’t think I’d be satisfied until I got her those lilies.

I sat up, zipping my sweater over my shirt and taking out a flashlight. I snuck out in swift steps, and tiptoed across the tents. The fire was close to dying and I added a twig to it. I scampered away from the campsite to the trail Atlanta and I had explored on.

I had no clue where we found the pond, or the direction we took to get back. I could see the tip of the tents when I looked back, and sighed in relief. I wasn’t lost…yet. This was a risk, but I continued to move forward with the flashlight in my hands. The blinding light lit the way and my flip-flops pressed on pebbles and rotting twigs as I searched for the creek.

A soft gush of water was the first sign of the creek, and I grinned with victory. I checked my surroundings to make sure nothing was there to pounce on me and crossed the creek. My foot slipped on a stone and I felt to my knees, the flashlight scattering across the ground.

“Jeez,” I murmured, brushing off the dirt before retrieving the flashlight. It pointed to a cavern-like opening, and I noticed I was right in front of the pond. “Wow…”

The moon, which appeared to be round and full, reflected on the rippling surface of the water, and the lilies shone like satellites. I roamed around the pond, a cluster of geraniums spilling across the ground like marbles. There were several big boulders against the rim of the pond. I didn’t need to use a flashlight anymore; it was bright enough to see under the luminescence.

I froze in my tracks when I saw a figure sitting on top of one of the boulders. I lowered my flashlight and went towards him. He was staring at the pond, lost in his own thoughts.

“Hey,” I said in the tranquil air. Caspian looked over his shoulder, startled to see me there. I stepped beside the boulder. “What’re you doing here?”

His eyes pierced. “I should be asking you.” Before I opened my mouth, he said, “You could’ve gotten hurt coming here.” Was he worried or downright making fun of me?

I pointed my flashlight to the pond. “Atlanta wanted lilies, so I came here to get her lilies.” I had to admit, I didn’t know the way back. But I was persistent.

He was ticked off. “So what? Just leave her alone.”

Without his permission, I climbed onto the boulder and sat beside him. I left half a ruler of space between us. Far enough. Caspian didn’t object, which I took as a good sign.

I sighed, feeling a strange emptiness in me. “I’ve been told that, um, I’m using Atlanta,” I said, scratching my cheek. “I don’t want to feel like I’m doing that, but I can’t shake the feeling off.” I didn’t want to be inferior to her, or feel like I was snatching her fame away. “I want to be of some use to her.”

“Who says you’re using Atlanta?” he said, staring at the water. “You’re the dumbest thing alive.”

“I’m not dumb,” I huffed, and glided my finger over the smooth surface of the boulder. “And Haiti and Luna said that. I heard them gossiping behind my back. They might be right.”

“Bullshit,” Caspian said, frowning. “Your friends are idiots.”

“They are not." I wanted to defend my friends, but my words betrayed me when I went back to everything they’d done. They weren’t the greatest friends. “They’re the only friends I have,” I whispered. From the start of high school to the time I met Atlanta, they had been by my side.

“You have Atlanta,” Caspian told me. My eyes flicked to him in surprise and he slipped a hand behind his neck. “Forget it. You need to learn how to survive on your own. Without companions.”

“I do that already.” It was just that, I needed some sort of person next to me, or someone to talk to. Everyone needed someone. “And it’s hard to find friends if you’re an ugly chick.”

He showed no signs of solacing me, and I didn’t expect him to. “That’s not the only thing people look at,” he said. I shrugged, saying it was first on the list. “Not always.”

I laughed a little. “Coming from a guy who’s always called me ugly, unappealing, or whatever, it’s ironic.” He claimed he didn’t say such a thing. “Yeah, right. You said I was an eyesore and unattractive.”

“You know what the problem with you is?” His head turned to me. “You’re relentless, and think harshly about yourself.”

He was right. “No…I actually had good self-esteem,” I mumbled.

“Aw, did I make it shatter?” he derided. “Do you think you’re not good enough with us? Or anyone?” Sadness crept into my stomach as my hands rested motionlessly on my lap. “Does this make you feel out of place?” I didn’t know what he was trying to convey, or what kind of emotion he wanted to force out of me. But it made me feel like trash. Absolute trash. “Eve,” he said, the word dissolving into calm air. He bent towards me, brushing his lips against my ear. “You’re more than just ugly.”

A prickle of anxiety went down my spine and I inclined away from him. “You—then you think I’m ugly,” I said, and his jaw popped. “You pretty much called me ugly.”

He scowled. “Yes, I did.” Hurt displayed on my face. “But I overlook it, and so do—Stop that.” He made me face him.

“I want to go back,” I said, averting myself.

“Stop being so insecure,” he spat, and though his words were jarring, his hands were gentle when they pulled me towards him. “I know I’ve been a jerk,” he said, cupping my cheek.

“Yes,” I affirmed, my breath shaking. “You were a jerk.” I gazed into his eyes, eyes that gleamed in a sea of citrine and spoke apologies that never left his lips. “A big, big jerk.”

His fingers dropped from my cheek, lingering over my neck. His skin shimmered under the glistening moon, and I felt waves of warmth sear through them into my own. I held a crease in his t-shirt, studying the rough fabric under my fingertips. My hand closed over a bigger chunk of his shirt and I tugged on impulse. His lips parted as I drew him close, lowering him until our faces stopped inches apart and our noses brushed.

“Eve,” he murmured. I closed my eyes, lightly touching my lips to his. My chest squeezed and my shoulders caved in. We didn't move, but something else did—beating, fast. I couldn't breathe.

All those times when we’d been so close to each other, I was the one to pull away and vow to never let him overpower me. After every insult he’d given me, there was a smile, and after every sickening word he’d said to me, there was a caring deed. It didn’t matter. I didn’t care if he thought I was hideous, because what I felt with him wasn’t a lie. What he did for me wasn’t a lie. There. That was my surrender. I'd hate myself for it later, but not now.

Caspian’s hands clasped my jaw, and my face flushed in approval. He leaned in, tilting my head back so his lips fully enveloped mine. I slipped my free hand up the arch of his shoulder to his neck. Our lips that did nothing but slander each other and make frowns, turned into smiles that locked with a kiss. We were submissive, unable to tell ourselves we were enemies. We were rivals.

I sighed, sagging in his hold. What time was it?

His lips abruptly broke from mine, his arms holding me steady. “That’s enough,” he said. Enough? That wasn’t— “You’re tired. Let me get the lilies and we’ll head back.”

He jumped down the boulder, and stormed to the other side of the pond. His hands were curled into fists, lips pursed and jaw tight. He grabbed a handful of lilies, and came back with water dripping down his wrist.

I pushed off the boulder and looked at him. He didn’t meet my eyes as he led the way out of the opening. We passed the creek and I struggled to follow him with the pace he walked in. Was he mad at me for starting the kiss? Was he mad at me for touching him? What was it? Was it because he had a girlfriend already?

I tugged the back of his shirt and he turned. “I’m sorry,” I said, tears crawling up my throat. I tried to swallow them. “For everything. I shouldn’t have done that. It was my fault.”

Caspian’s brows lowered, his frown deepened. He took my hand and dragged me back to the campsite. Pressing the flowers into my hands, he disappeared into his tent. My legs trembled as I crawled into my own tent and put the flowers aside.

Another mistake. I made the stupidest mistake ever. At the time it felt right and as if nothing else mattered—were all kisses like that? Now, I was the loser who hoped for too much.

But sadly, it felt real. Every second, every touch and brush of our lips, the softness, and the bittersweet passion, all of it reminded us we couldn’t, we shouldn’t be doing it. But we did anyway. Now he was mad—like every time he was with me—but I didn’t know why. I was consumed by dejection.

Inhaling deeply, I tried to erase the image. But the tingle on my lips never left, and it was my last memory till the next day.