One Touch

25: Bond of Fire

There was a glass jar on my desk where I could see it from my bed. At night, it glinted under the glow of the moon, and I’d have to look away from guilt. Inside were all the samples I collected from the Cages. The Energy Gods module Rick gave me was folded next to the jar. This task seemed impossible, though I was halfway done.

I flipped to the other side, facing the window. I didn’t need to look too far to catch sight of the red eyes. I thought about having a chat with the creature, but it could be the official road to my death. An Energy God, huh? Dad needed to tell me more about it—that thing out my window, lingering, although it wasn't moving.

Next morning in Physics class, I had the unwanted pleasure of Caspian’s head blocking my view of the teacher. I had to sit on my legs or bend to the side to see the board. I tried my best to avoid him these few days, because acknowledging him or the plain sight of him made my stomach hurt.

He did the same, but I didn’t like it. I didn’t like any tension that was between us, although I was the one to break our tie. No, there isn't a tie. It was all infatuation.

At lunch, I sat alone in the cafeteria at the far end of the room. It was the only table without anyone around it, and Haiti and Luna weren’t my buddies anymore. Atlanta didn’t come to sit with me. I knew she wanted to at the pitiful look on her face, but I knew Caspian wouldn't let her.

To my relief, Atlanta and I sat together in class after lunch. She asked me a ton of times if I was alright, and I lied.

“That’s not true,” she said, her brows furrowed. I fiddled with my pencil and she took it away. “Something happened between you and Caspian didn’t it?” I opened my notebook. “He wouldn’t let me go anywhere near you. He told me I’m not allowed to spend time with you anymore, or hang out with Ronald.”

“Ronald?” I piped in. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I don’t know, but I think you got him mad,” Atlanta huffed. “When Caspian’s mad, he gets really bossy and controlling. What happened? What did you do to him?” My eyebrows puckered with hurt. I never thought Atlanta would go against me. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice softening.

“I don’t feel like talking,” I said sharply. “If you want to know what happened, ask your brother. I’m not the only one dealing with this freak show.” This time, Atlanta was the one hurt and I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

She took my hand, holding it between hers. “No, I am.” Before the warmth of her hands reached mine, she let go. “I’m sure none of it was your fault. I will talk to him.” I put my head down, my cheek resting against the page of my notebook.

For a second, my heart beat with violent fear of our friendship breaking again. I couldn’t afford that. I had to stop myself from crumbling, and being stripped of confidence. Having feelings for someone was fatuous, and I didn’t know why I thought Caspian and I would work. Work. Relationships didn't just work like they were chores.

Dance was our living nightmare since all Caspian and I have been trying to do was avoid each other. He hadn’t spoken a word, and neither had I. We did the most minimal touching we could, although I did get significantly better with his help.

“When you enter the stage,” Eddie was saying, “the partner must make a formal greeting. The gentleman must take the hand of the lady and place a kiss on the top.” Oh, how romantic...to our dismay.

Caspian and I started several feet away from each other and walked forward at once. He did his part with perfection, leaving a kiss on the back of my hand as I stared like a statue. He was onto something, or he wouldn't have been so complying. I knew it. He wasn't going to leave me alone.

“De nuevo.” He appeared out of nowhere. Eddie stopped in front of me and I looked up to meet his gaze. “Your stance is incorrect. When Caspian kisses your hand, you must bow while pretending to holding your gown. Try again.” Then, he left while keeping an eye on us. Sometimes, I wished I could blow Eddie off the planet.

When Caspian kissed my hand this time, his eyes flicked up to meet mine. It made me pause in a half-bow, as uncertainty filled me. I was letting him do that to me after all I’d been through to put up my shield.

Nonsense. "One more time," I said, and we restarted. This one was much better. “By the way, you don’t need to help me with dance anymore. I got the hang of it.” With hesitation, I added, “Thank you.”

“You haven’t mastered it all,” he informed me. So, that was it: we were speaking to each other again. “What dance are you comfortable with?” I replied with ‘ballroom dancing’. “The more romantic one, huh?”

I cupped my warm cheeks, hiding them as best as possible. “Don’t look,” I mumbled. I shouldn't have broken my grudge against him.

“Of course. You’re not that cute anyway,” Caspian reassured. He once told me I was indeed cute when I blushed, but the old Caspian was back. Anger and sadness curled in my throat, but I downed it.

“You can solo that performance if you still want to,” I said. He wasn’t agreeing on the idea. In fact, he seemed to hate it. “What? I thought you didn’t want to be my partner.” He never told me that, but it made no difference.

“I don’t care who I’m with,” he said.

“Neither do I,” I spat.

Caspian briefly closed his eyes. “Eve, we need to talk.” A nervous boom exploded in my body, and I tried to divert the topic. “I don’t know when and how, but we have to talk.”

It was the last thing he said to me, and the last thing that ran in my head as dance class ended. Atlanta flocked towards me to share all that she and Ronald had done together today. She was bursting with glee, so I didn’t want to pop her happy bubble.

“By the way, I got my driver’s license,” she told me, and I congratulated her. “Finally. Now I can go places without Caspian. I can, you know, go on dates with Ronald.” She glanced around to make sure no one was listening.

“I thought Caspian didn’t allow you to anymore,” I said.

“I don’t care,” she pouted. “I had never met anyone as sweet as him. He asked me out to the homecoming dance already, and offered to buy me tickets to his game. How sweet is that?” I had to agree, very sweet. “Oh, and Eve?” We stood still as she gave me a small, comforting smile. “I will, for once, try to help you out by talking to Caspian.”

“Atlanta, you don’t have to.” She didn’t listen. “Please, forget about it,” I begged her. She was repenting on the way she treated me in class, but I had forgotten about it long ago.

My worst fear was of her finding out about all the things Caspian and I had been through. I didn’t want her to think any different about me than before. She was too caring.

* * *

It was warmer today, a sudden change in temperature from last week. Odelia had another appointment with dad, and mom was home. She was sitting on the couch drinking loads of coffee, her leg shaking in anticipation. Today wasn’t any better than the last appointment. It was worse. It had been half an hour before we heard the door swing open upstairs and loud voices spill downstairs.

Mom stood up in a blink, rushing upstairs. I didn’t have time to move as dad appeared at the top of the staircase while holding Odelia’s wrist. Mom yelled at him to let go and he released her. What in the name of…?

“Do not come here again,” dad warned Odelia. “You do not want to see the rest of my wrath.” Odelia was neither frightened nor calm, but wasn’t the one in control. “Cassie, I’m done. Do not bring any more psychiatrists for me.”

“Honey, please—” mom called after him, but he was gone. She wore a depressed face as she took Odelia downstairs. “I’m so sorry for the trouble, Odelia. I’m truly sorry.”

Odelia shuddered for a second before returning to normal. “No worries, Cassie,” she said. “But I’m getting very close to curing your husband. I cannot back down now.”

I went to them with a frown. “Aren’t you afraid he might do something?” I asked her. Odelia let out of an ‘hmph’ of confidence. “But he doesn’t want any more appointments. Just leave him alone.”

“A dumb man cannot harm without intelligence,” Odelia said, glancing at the stairs. Did she call my father unintelligent? Did she dare—? “I don’t need your input in this. Let a psychiatrist do her job.”

Mom put her hands on my shoulders, nodding. I hated to let Odelia leave without a debate on my dad’s condition, but I had to stay calm for mom. She went to work a minute later and I sat on the steps of my porch. What a horrible afternoon.

Across my driveway, I saw Odelia chatting with her children at the doorway. She focused more on Caspian, as Atlanta stared at the ground. A lecture? More chores? The twins sure were obedient. When Odelia stepped inside, Atlanta began to talk to Caspian. He looked up, glancing directly at me. I averted my gaze, wondering what had happened between them. Atlanta wasn’t there at the scene when I took a peek. Caspian was heading towards me.

“No…” I murmured, standing up, “No”. As he neared, I backed into my porch. Before I dashed inside, Caspian grabbed my forearm. “I’m busy! Go away. I have homework.” I knew the excuse wasn’t good enough. “What do you want?”

He tilted his head, his eyes drinking mine in such a slow, thoughtful pace. “We’re going to the park,” he declared. Did he decide that on his own? “I have to apologize again. Atlanta told me to.” He dragged me from my porch and towards the sidewalk.

“Back then, Atlanta didn’t tell you to apologize,” I pointed out, “the time you took me to Starbucks.” He didn’t reply. “Why are you doing this?” Again, he didn’t reply. “Didn’t I make it clear we have nothing to do with each other?”

“Can you shut up for once?” he scowled, his footsteps fastening.

The catwalk leading to the park came to view and we hurried through it. I saw the spot Caspian had dropped his glass that night, and the pond I had washed his bleeding hand. His eyes darted around in search, and he pulled us behind a mass of bushes. I could see the tip of the slide and the chains of the swings clinking softly, but the rest of the park was hidden from view.

“Hey,” I snapped, sitting on my knees. “I thought we—”

“Shut up.” Caspian turned around. His hair brushed my forehead and his eyes became crystal clear. Both of us froze in shock, realizing how close we were. “Eve,” he said, almost in a whisper, “I can’t stay away from you.”

My heart pounded in my chest as I pressed my hands to my thighs. “But you’ve been avoiding me for days,” I said. “And you already have a girlfriend. Amber’s going to be—”

“To hell with Amber,” he said through gritted teeth. “I don’t f*****g care about her or the nonexistent relationship between us.” I was about to contradict him, but he cupped my mouth. “Amber and Atlanta have nothing to do with this. To do with us. I can’t be forthright with you, and I know I’m an ass for doing this.”

I took his hand off my lips. “I don’t understand you." My voice soft and quiet. Birds chirped in the distance, the sound of their flapping wings disappearing in the distance. “I hate you so much,” I said, a tingle crawling up in my skin. “But I…”

“I can’t do this,” Caspian said with a sour frown, taking his hand from mine. Hurt consumed me all over again, my heart weighing like a bowling ball as tears made their way into my eyes. When he noticed, his features eased. “Eve—”

“What is your problem with me?” I said, my voice wavering with emotion. He didn’t move, struck in place. “I don’t…I don’t know how to tell you, Caspian. Or how to ask you.” His face became blurry, and it took all my might to keep in my tears. “And I don’t know what you want. I don’t know if I’m just a joke to you. Why me? I don’t…”

I covered my face. When had I become this sensitive? I was too overwhelmed with everything, I needed a break. My heart cried for a break, for Caspian who never gave me a straight answer.

“I’m sorry, Eve,” Caspian said softly. Now what? Was he being nice again? That moron. He shifted, his arms binding around me and pulling me to his chest. “Please, don’t cry. I know I’ve been a jerk. I know. Please, Eve.”

“I hate you…” I whimpered. But being immersed in his warmth and smell, I wanted to stay here with him. “Why do you do this when you…? I know I’m not supposed to, but I really like you, Caspian. And I hate myself for it.”

His arms tightened around me. “Me, too,” he whispered, his breath hitting my neck. “Eve, I do, too.” He what? "But I really shouldn’t. I can’t help but…”

He moved me to face him. His eyes lit with fire as I shrunk under his burning gaze. He hugged me, his knees bending with the embrace. This felt different. The hug didn't feel affectionate, but perhaps, it had always been like that. Hesitant.

“You’re so warm,” he mumbled, taking a deep breath. I thought he was the one burning up. “Eve, I’m dangerous. I can’t stop, but I have to. Or else—”

“I don’t care,” I said. Caspian’s grip loosened and we pulled back. “You put me in this state. You have to take me out of it or tell me your decision.”

“What you heard at the restaurant was right,” Caspian said, and a flicker of hope lit inside of me. “But I’m not allowed to have feelings for a, for a…” He bit his lip and I tried not to turn red. What was that? “It’s forbidden, for me to be with you.” Are you kidding me?

“Well, why the hell aren’t you staying away?” I said in a cold tone. Hot tears lodged my throat. “I’m sick and tired of hearing the same thing. Please, Caspian. Please.”

He sighed. “I’m tired of this, too. I don’t want to be with you feeling restricted. I need to make this clear.” Seconds of silence passed by, as we held each other. “Okay? We should go home.”

“You didn’t make this clear!”

Caspian put a finger to my lips. “I did make it clear. But it means we still have to stay in our limits.”

“Wait,” I said, confusion colouring my face. “Wait, are we…?”

Caspian grinned, but then his brows furrowed. “We can’t tell anyone about this,” he said, stern and dead serious. “Atlanta, our moms, our friends, no one. You have to promise.” I wanted to smile, but it never appeared. I felt a whole burden lift from my shoulders, but another hovering close.

I closed my eyes in weariness. “Promise." For now, I was happy with this.

Yet, something didn't feel right, like it was out of place. Something felt incomplete.