Is It Really Worth It In The End?

The Date.

Mark’s pov

I'm f*****g screwed, I kissed him and now he hates me, Jake hates me, he couldn't even look at me before he left, what was I thinking, now he's never going to talk to me, he's going to tell everyone about me, I'd even become the fag in school, I just want everything to end, this world is better without me in it and now I have school tomorrow, how do I face everyone, how do I live it down.

I lie back on my bed, covering my whole body, I might as well wallow in self-pity, it’s gonna be over soon, I'm going to face all the problems as they come, even if I do it alone, I am strong and I will not give up or lose hope. I've lost Jake, all because of a kiss, which I enjoyed, even though he didn't participate in it, I'm used to disappointments so, let the pain begin.

I'm a walking zombie and now my dad is worried about me, he came home last night and saw me in my room, he saw my scars and started freaking out, I told him I fell, but I'm not sure he believes, like I give a s**t.

I wake up at seven, how I hate Monday mornings, who doesn't?

I enter my bathroom, taking off all my clothes, I enter the shower and close my eyes, there is something about warm water rushing through me that soothes me, it’s just such a calm feeling. I can't stop thinking about Jake, what is he going to do to me, is he going to tell Kim, the whole school, am I gonna get kicked off the team, I guess I will find out today.

I come out of my bathroom with a towel wrapped around my waist, walking into my closet, I rummage my clothes, until I decide to wear a grey shirt with skull and cross bones and my skinny jeans with my all-stars sneakers.

I wear my clothes, grab my bag and keys and phone and sneak out of the house quietly, I don't need any questioning from dad and Kim, and so I get into my car and drive off. I haven't gotten any calls so I'm kinda easing up on the whole thing, now all I have to face is Jake.

My school is like a private school, not the kind with all the strict rules and ugly uniform, we get to wear what we want and we have rules but not hard to follow rules.

I get down and walk into the building, I must say this is the earliest I have ever come to school, I go to the field out back and sit under the bleachers, I love being alone, it helps me get stronger and God help me, do I need the strength.

I hear my phone ring and look at the ID—Kayla.

I really don't want to pick it but decide to, I've already lost Jake what's the big deal,

“Hello" I say,

She then says “Mark is this you"

Why is she asking, I. Gave her my number, "yeah.....don't you have my number" I ask,

She pauses then says “well I texted you the other day, and u didn't reply.......so I thought the number was wrong"

Wow, she's not used to being stood up, “umm sorry.......had stuff on my mind"

“oh.....well are you free later today".

I think and decide “sure......where do you wanna meet"

She breathes out and says “Starbucks.......after school"

I nod and say "okay.....see you at 3" I can tell she is smiling “kay.....till then" she says before hanging up. I guess I might as well have fun while Jake humiliates me, Kayla likes me and I like her........somehow, there is no harm in testing the waters, what have I got to lose.

" Mark.......I've looked everywhere for you" I look up and see Sam, and he looks really, he walks closer to me and I think he is going to hit me or something, but I'm surprised when he hugs me.

I put my hands down scared of the contact " we need our usual one on ones, mark" he says, and at this moment I remember why Sam is my only friend, out of all the guy I used to hang out with, Sam is the only one that loves me and I know he will always have my back, no matter what I do.

“Yeah....." I say.

He let's go and says " so when can we talk......how about after school"

I shake my head and say “no......I have a date"

He opens his eyes wide and says “oh shit......you didn't tell me you were seeing anybody"

I laugh and say “it’s kinda sudden, I'm not even sure anything will come from it"

He nods and says " totally get you man"

I hear the bell and says " gotta go......late for class, but please stop by my place at six, then we can hang" he nods and says "but let me in your room this time" I laugh and go to my locker grabbing my biology textbook.

I don't see Jake until football practice and he doesn't even look at me, he passes the other way and he never passes the ball to me, he hates me and I can't stand it " coach.....I'm not feeling too well, can I skip practice " please say yes, please " sure......just run the moves with one of the other runners," I nod and go to the locker room, I take of my uniform and enter the shower, this has been the worst day of my life.

I go into the coffee shop and see Kayla waiting. Walking over to her, I say.

“Hey Kayla".

She looks up and smiles when she sees me. I know I'm being selfish, because I know I don't have any feelings for her.

“Hi mark....." She says.

I can tell she is nervous. Maybe she really likes me. I know I'm not bad looking, so she might be attracted to me.

“What happened to your face" she asks suddenly.

I almost forgot about those bruises. I take a seat beside her and say calmly “got into a fight".

She looks at me a little shocked.....or maybe a lot shocked “Are you serious?"

I laugh, what's the big deal anyways, she must think I'm some kinda gang member. Maybe I should scare her a little. Wait, if I do that, I'll be alone. I don't want to be alone. Being alone means thinking about Jake. I don't want to think about him.

“It’s no big deal Kayla......was at a party and a drunk guy jumped me" I say, knowing full well that I am lying.

She sighs relieved and touches my hand “I’m so sorry". She has a nice smile. Hmm maybe I can give her a chance. What harm could it cause?

“So how's your obnoxious mother" I ask, trying to change the conversation.

She rolls her eyes, it’s pretty obvious she and her mother don't get along too well. “She is suffocating me". She days irritated. She's really pretty, maybe I'm not fully gay. I mean I know she is attractive. Guess I'm bi then. She continues rambling about how annoying her mother is while I'm deep in thought.

"Mark.....mark" she calls my name.

“Yeah......sorry". I must have spaced out. She raises an eyebrow, then smiles.

“Oh my God......I'm boring you already, that's why you didn't call me the other day" she starts to panic. “I get it......I'm sorry for bugging you, I should go", she is about to stand up but I stop her.

“Calm down Kayla", she nods and seats back down. “You are not boring......I was just thinking".

She looks like she doesn't believe me, so I add “I didn't call you, because I had a family emergency". I know it was a lie, but it felt like the right thing to say.

She still looks doubtful. So I lean closer to her and kiss her. It was just a simple innocent kiss on her lips. But she blushes brightly, obviously nervous. “What was that for"? She asks bemused.

I smile and say “I really like you Kayla" I am such a jerk for lying to her but its kinda true. I mean I like her company......a lot. She smiles and says “I like you too mark".

The rest of the time with Kayla was spent talking about random stuff. I found out about her family, her father was dead, but apparently left them with a lot of money. She had a little sister and a dog. I found out about her last relationship. She told me the guy only wanted s*x from her, and when she refused he hit her and broke up with her.

I walk with Kayla to her car, holding her hand. I'm very comfortable around her. We stop in front of her car and she faces me. “So I'll see you later". She starts to twist her hair around her finger nervously. I can tell she wants a good bye kiss. So I lean closer. She bites her lips and touches my face. My lips brush against hers and she smiles. I crash my lips into hers and she moans quietly.

This kiss is nothing like the last. She moves close to me, so close that her breasts were pressed against my chest. Wrapping her hands around my neck, I wrap mine around her waist. She parts her lips, granting me entrance and I slip my tongue in to her mouth. First I feel her teeth, then her tongue. Realizing how intense and hot this was getting, I move back slowly and give her one last peck.

She looks at me sheepishly flushed “wow.....you are an amazing kisser" she says.

I know how good a kisser I am. So I smirk and say " uh huh".

She rolls her eyes and smiles “well......I gotta go"

I nod and say " sure......but I'll call you".

She beams up and says “promise".

I tuck a strand of hair behind her ears and say “promise". She smiles and enters her car, driving off. I know, why am I doing this? I am not in love with this girl. It’s not fair to lead her on. But I've already made a decision. I'm going to try to forget about Jake, using Kayla.