Thou Shall Hold No Grudge

Today started off normal, you know? Today was going to be just another annoyingly bright Monday morning, where I would rush to the daycare, and then I would rush to work. I was simply supposed to take a seat in my office chair, sigh, and get on for the day. But as soon as my feet stepped inside those doors to my office, my hands became shaky and my coffee was suddenly all over the floor. My breathing was unstable, my heart rate skyrocketing, my hands . . . cold. “Nice to see you too Dej.” “Xavi.” # “What do you mean he’s back?!” My sister Yamia shrieks and I rub my forehead. Right now I wanted nothing more than to rip this damn wig off, and feel the breeze in my scalp because I am telling you everything felt tight and hot. “He’s back Mia. This morning I walked into my office, and he was just sitting there on my desk with his stupid ass smirk.” “But I thou-" “Me too,” I shut my eyes and gulp. “He’s going to kill me.” “Don’t say that sis, don’t say that.” I could tell by the way her voice faltered, that she was also uncertain. You ever want to look the devil in the face? Just find Xavi, oh wait, you can’t find him! He finds you, and you don’t ever want that to happen. “Deja!” I jumped slightly, staring at my sister who had her jaw clenched. “What did he tell you?” “Uh . . . um just that . . . he said he missed me.” “Huh?” “He’s playing with me, obviously.” “How did he even find you?” She runs a hand through her curls before taking a deep breath. “Okay, okay, we’ll figure this out, we’ll move.” “We don’t have the money to just up and move right now.” I tell her and she violently tugs at her hair. “What the hell does he want?! It’s been five years already dammit!” “I don’t know but you’re not getting involved.” “Oh I’m already involved.” “No,” I stand to grab her shoulders. Thankfully, I was taller than my older sister. “Yamia . . . this is my issue, my problem, and I’m gonna get it solved.” “What if he kills you?” She whispers and I shake my head. Right now I didn’t have the answer for that, and I didn’t want to find out either. # “Hey baby boy.” My favorite part of the day, was always when I got to see Rumi’s face. My two year old son happily makes his way towards me and I lift him off the ground. I grab his snack bag since the other’s seemed to have their hands full before waving and heading out to my car. “How was your day? Huh?” As usual he just completely ignores his mother and idly plays with my hair. “Right.” I place him into the car seat, before climbing in myself and driving off. The entire ride back home I kept staring at Rumi through the mirror, I just couldn’t help it. What would happen to him? Would Murder go after him too? Or was it just me? Who was I kidding? My hands tighten against the steering wheel and I swallowed hard, tears filling up my eyes. The image of Murder being hauled from the courtroom, and into the back where they’d drop him off to prison replayed in my mind. The look he gave me was chilling, the look that was filled with nothing . . . nothing but revenge. I knew in the back of my mind that he’d get out, but I just . . . I thought that maybe, just maybe he’d say in longer, or he wouldn’t find me. But who was I kidding? Now my life is literally in the palms of his hands . . . and I’m pretty sure it’s not just mine. # “What’re you gonna do? Kill me? You’re gonna kill me Deja?!” “Stop . . . calling me that!” My hands shook with the heavy gun pointed at the man in front of me. “Shoot me.” He taunts, grabbing my hand and pressing the gun onto his chest. I shook my head, tears running down my face. “Shoot me!” “I can’t, I can’t.” I drop to my knees, sobbing. I felt disgusted with myself, the crying, the weakness. I asked him for this . . . I wanted his help and I couldn’t even do it. “You’re gonna have to get up Dej, ain’t nobody gonna give you time to cry when they’re looking to beat your ass.” And with that his hands were on my hips, lifting me off the ground. “You look these people in their eyes D, and you don’t fold, you don’t cry baby girl, you just shoot em cause ain’t anybody gon save you, but you.” “Ain’t nobody gon save me, but me.” I repeat. I barely got any sleep last night, peeping out my windows, getting paranoid and asking Rumi to sleep in my bed. Every sound I heard, every rustle and I was up, reaching for the knife under my bed. I stretch, and disable the alarm since I was up before it had the chance to ring. Padding into the bathroom, I rub my neck and then my eyes. I checked into the mirror first, just to look for any pimples before yawning and then cringing at my morning breath. I wasn’t unattractive; I’d hate to believe so. I had normal dark brown eyes and dark brown skin. I wouldn’t necessarily say I was curvy but I wasn’t that dull. The baby weight was still there a bit, and hence the slight overhanging pudge. Maybe I should hit the gym. Or right, I probably can’t because someone wants to kill me. After brushing my teeth, I give Rumi a kiss on his cheek as he sleeps. I leave the room and decide to make breakfast. Imagine my surprise when I catch a large, heavily tatted man sitting on my couch. I jump back at the sight of Murder who just lazily stared at me. “How did you get in?” “Good morning Dej, how are you?” “What’re you doing in my house?” “Well you’re up early, my men told me you usually wake up at 7, 7: 45 for the latest.” “You can’t just break into people’s hou-“ “I can do whatever the f**k I want.” My eyes widen as he stands. “Xavi . . . “ I shut my eyes, willing myself not to cry. “My son is asleep . . . what do you want?” “You still look so pretty Dee, so beautiful.” I decide to stay quiet, in hope that he would speak, but he didn’t. “Xavi. . . please . . ." “I want ten thousand dollars.” “Wh – what?” “I didn’t stutter.” He sat back onto the couch, leaning back and I gape at him. “Y-you can’t be serious. Where am I going to get ten thousand dollars? What do you even need it for?” “Ah, ah, ah, let’s not forget sweetheart, you stole from me.” Shit. “Right before you sent my black ass to prison.” “I didn’t have a cho-“ “We always have a choice Dej; you just picked the wrong one.” “What . . . what was I supposed to do?” My voice cracked and he freezes for a moment. He tilts his head at me for a moment before grinning. “You still got it.” “What?” “Your acting skills baby, you still got it,” he stands again, rolling his shoulders. He walks up to me and I blankly blink at him, the fear in my body had me hostage as I was just completely unable to move. “If I were you Dej . . . I’d get me my f*****g money, or else,” he chuckles, “Well we both know the things I’m capable of.” I shut my eyes as he presses his lips against my temple before leaving. “Oh and I have a key, change the locks and I’ll just get another key.”