Psyche and Psycho

Chapter 24

I didn’t know why pero hindi ko din ginising si Damon, hindi ko alam kung dahil lang baa yaw ko syang magising o dahil natatakot akong pag nagising sya e bigla syang umalis. Sa dami ng beses na nagising ako galing sa isang malungkot na panaginip ngayon lang ako ulit nagising nang hindi nagiisa.

I know that I probably need some help sa loob ng ilang nagdaang taon, halos gabi gabi hindi ako nakakatulog. Sa loob ng ilang taon hindi kailanman sumagi sa isip ko na unahin ang sarili ko, o kalimutan ang nangyari at magmove on nalang sa buhay.

Every single day in my life since that day it felt like it was happening over and over again and the agony and fear has never changed. Gusto kong isipin nab aka kaya ako nagfaint was because I was merely hungry, gusto kong itanggi na naman yung katotohanan sa sarili ko pero alam ko din sa sarili ko na hindi madaling lokohin ang sarili ko.

I know I needed some help, nangyari na ito sa akin noon. Once during college where I also fainted after seeing someone in our class accidentally cut his hand while doing some activity.

I looked at Damon and saw that he is slowly wiggling his eyebrows.

And yes hindi naka lipas ang minuto at unti unti nyang ibinukas ang mga mata at marahan na tumingin sa akin.

 “God woman you almost drived me crazy. May masakit ba sayo?” seryosong tanong nya sa akin.

Umiling lang ako sa kanya bilangb sagot.

“Do you want anything Psyche? Do you need anything?” He asked me again but then I umiling lang ako bilang sagot sa kanya.

Na pa sabunot nalang sya sa buhok habang frustrated na naka tingin sa akin.

“Why wont you talk? Damn!” naiinis na sabi nya at saka mabilis na tumayo.

He got up and then walked outside.

I knew he would go.

I closed my eyes, hoping that by doing so, I will be able to sleep again.

I was closed to sleeping when after some time I heard the door knob slowly opening.

“Here she is Cassandra you said that is damn okay now why wont she talk?” salubong ang kilay na sabi ni Damon sa Doctor.

The Doctor looked at me and then walked towards me.

Ngumiti sya sa akin at saka kinuha ang stethoscope at itinapat sa dibdib ko.

“How are you feeling Miss Trinidad?” naka ngiti nyang tanong sa akin.

“I am okay,” maikli kong sagot sa doctor.

She laughed a bit bago tumingin kay Damon.

“Sabi mo hindi sya nagsasalita?” natatawang tanong nya kay Damon.

Damon didn’t mind her and went straight to my side.

“Are you really feeling well?” tanong nya uliy sa akin.

“I said I am okay. Hindi mo baa ko narinig?” sagot ko kay Damon para tumigil na sya.

Na tawa naman ang doctor sa isinagot ko kay Damon.

“You are really something.” Tipid na sabi nya sa akin.

“She just doesn’t want to talk to you so stop bothering her and leave her alone parang naiinis pa sya sayo.” Inis na sabi ng Doctor kay Damon.

I knid of notice that they seem to know each other. The way they talked to each other mapapansin mong magkakilala silang dalawa.

“I cant leave her alone here. I have to wait for Maureen she’s going to kill me if I will leave her friend all alone.” Sagot naman ni Damon sa kanya.

The Doctor shrugged her shoulders.

“But she doesn’t want you here though,” sagot naman ulit nito sa kanya.

Natawa naman si Damon sa sagot nito sa kanya.

“Kahit pa ayaw nyang nandito ako wala syang magagawa I wont leave her.” Seryosong sagot nito sa babae.

I don’t know if it was just my imagination or I really saw a glint of hurt in Doc Cassandra’s eyes after hearing what Damon said.

“Not until Maureen comes here.” Pahabol ni Damon.

Na syang namang mabilis na nagpawala ng lungkot sa mukha ni Doc Cassandra.

“So hihintayin mo talaga na dumating muna si Maureen? I heard from your secretary that Ava’s already waiting for you. Hindi ba sya magagalit pag nalaman nyang nandito ka at binabantayan ang kaibigan ni Maureen?” pang uusyoso nito kay Damon.

Na pa irap nalang ako ng mata ng marinig ang sinasabi ni Doctora Cassandra.

A player will always be a player. Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam kung bakit kahit ako parang na didismaya sa naririnig ko. Nakakabwiset.

“ Ava will understand lalo na kapag nalaman nya na I was taking care of Maureen’s friend.” Tipid na sagot ni Damon kay Doc Cassandra.

Tumango tango naman ito at saka ngumiti.

“Ahh okay if you say so, Ahm I was about to grab some food bago moa ko hinatak papunta rito sa room ni Miss Trinidad. I am famished we should get something to eat! Isa pa baka gutom na din si Miss Trinidad,” sabi ni Doc Cassandra kay Damon bago bumaling sa akin at ngumiti.

Damon looked at me with crossed eyebrows.

“What do you want to eat?” tanong nito sa akin.

I badly wanted to say that I am not hungry but my stomach wont let me. Damn.

 “Anything green.” Tipid kong sagot kay Damon.

Agad naman syang naguluhan sa sagot ko sa kanya.

May sasabihin pa sana sya pero naunahan na syang magsalita ni Doc Cassandra.

“She means anything with leaf like lettuce, or like salad.” Na tatawang turo nito sa nalilitong si Damon.

Damon nodded and then got up.

“I’ll just get you something to eat alright? You stay right here don’t move or do anything crazy. Maureen is on her way here.” Masungit na sabi nito bago umalis.

“We’ll just get something to eat,” naka ngiting paalam naman ni Doc Cassandra.

I wonder what is the deal between those two.

Pag alis nilang dalawa ay tahimik akong bumangon at umupo. Habang tumatagal na nakakasama ko si Damon mas lalo kong nakikita na hindi ako dapat na magpadala sa kung ano ang ipinapakita nya. He is such a big puzzle to me.

After some time biglang bumukas ang pinto at iniluwa nito ang alalang alala na si Maureen. She is still wearing her company uniform as she rushed towards me.

“God! Psyche Estella what the hell happened?! Montik ko nang sakallin si Damon sa baba ng makita ko sya! God! I should have come with you1 Hindi talaga dapat ako umasa sa walang kwentang si Damon! May ginawa bas yang hindi maganda? Bakit ka nagfaint?! Oh God!” naghuhurumentadong sabi nya sa akin.

Na tawa naman ako sa mga pinagsasasabi nya. This girl is so overacting!

“I am fine Maureen, sa gutom siguro kaya ako nagfaint. You don’t have to worry okay.” Sabi ko naman sa kanya para pakakmahin sya kasi hindi talaga to titigil.

Inirapan nya ako at saka hinampas sa braso.

“Stop lying to me! Magagalit na ako!” naiinis na sabi nya nanaman sa akin habang naka busangot ang mukha.

I couldn’t help but heaved a heavy sigh.

“I think I have trauma with blood.” Tipid na sagot ko sa kanya.

“Oh God! Pano? Kalian pa?!” sagot nya sa akin.

Malungkot akong tumingin at ngumiti sa kanya.

“Honestly I don’t know but this isn’t the first time na angfaint ako ng dahil sa naka kita ako ng dugo it was kind of a tjing that I got after that night when Mom and Kuya died.” I told her.

I can see sadness in Maureen’s eyes as she looked at me.

“Naka pag pa check up ka na ba about this? Have you ever get treated because of this trauma? God! Psyche Estella please say Yes!” naiinis na sabi nya sa akin.

Hindi ako tumingin sa kanya at lumingon nalang sa labas dahil kahit pa sabihin ko sa kanyang oo alam kong makikita nya din sa mga mata ko na nagsisinungaling lang ako.

Na pa hilot sa ulo nya si Maureen bago frustrated na tumingin sa akin.

“Do you mean wala manlang kahit isa sa pamilya mo ang naka isip nab aka natrauma ka sa nangyari na ba kailangan mong magamot?! What the hell?! Ikaw sa sarili mo hindi mo manlang ba naisip na kailangan mong matignan Psyche? You should have done something on your own! God! Psyche naman! Do something for yourself naman you cant be miserable for the rest of your life!” naiinis na sabi nya sa akin.

Sa totoo lang nung namatay sila Kuya Ethos at Mom pakiramdam ko para akong naulila. Everyone was blaming me. No one thought that I also probably need some help, not even my own Dad. I had to show to everyone that I am strong no matter what. Kaya kahit pa alam ko sa sarili ko na kailangan ko dinng macheck up or probably need some therapy I didn’t do it dahil ayokong isipin nil ana may problema ako at may kahinaan ako.

But now I guess since lumayo na rin naman ako hindi lang para makalaya kung hindi magsimula ng bagong buhay, siguro dapat din na tanggapin ko na kailangan kong magpagamot. The trauma that I had was never cured, it was never taken care of kaya siguro sa haba ng [anahon na lumipas napaka hirap para sa akin ang makalimot manlang.

The agony that I felt that night was still fresh as if everything happened just yesterday.

“I’ll go see a doctor tomorrow Maureen. Not today but I promise to see one tomorrow.” I told her.