Dearest Chef

Chapter 5

The light of the harsh sun hurt my eyes and they burned, despite using my hand as a visor to cover them from the glare. 

The sweat that ran down my heated skin made the fabric of my worn shirt adhere annoyingly to my body. 

My feet ran as fast as I could, but I knew it wasn't enough, coupled with the fact that there wasn't much room to run; I felt trapped, cornered, and mortally scared.

I swallowed hard, looking back and spotting the same group as always, with their pretend kings walking all over the place, as if they were the owners of half the world.

I hated them, I felt anger boiling through my system like a bubbling and uncontrolled torrent; however, I felt more angry at not being able to defend myself against his constant abuses.

I tried to sneak away from them without being noticed but it was impossible, I felt a tug on my shirt that made me stumble and fall backwards. 

I stirred in pain, my heart beating in my throat; His hands shaking as hard as they could, his foul breath brushing the back of my neck, causing a spasm of pure disgust.

I wanted to have the strength to free myself, to kill them the hell out of it. To have the guts and fortitude to tighten their necks without delay, ripping the air and life out of their bodies

But my desires were there and I felt weak, powerless and totally frustrated; Those ties only existed in my mind, but they were even worse than the physical ones.

"You want to know who's pathetic, loser, and complete a garbage?" The oldest of them whispered in my ear, taking my arm tightly. "You, f*****g orphan of s**t"

I clenched my teeth and tried hard to release myself from his powerful grip.

My eyes felt burning and my jaw trembled non-stop, which frustrated me greatly. Every day it was the same and there was no way to escape their taunts and insults. What had I done to deserve it? 

"Leave me alone!," I hissed annoyed, looking at him defiantly. He laughed out loud and the others followed. I shuddered with fear, with rage. "I haven't done anything to you!"

"He wants to cry, Johnny!" Said one named Aitor. "Look at his eyes, they are watery. Does the baby wants to cry? Don't be a queer, Peterina."

Their laughter does not wait, between two they have me by the arms and the damn Johnny is close, casting mocking glances where I am, feeling surely emboldened by his ball of moronic friends. 

"If you're a girl, I'll have to see if you have a v****a between those dirty pants." His tone of voice causes a lump in my throat and I swallow hard. Was he serious? "What do you say, Peter? Are you going to show me if you have a couple of balls in there?"

He pointed at my crotch and was suddenly on top of me, trying to open my fly. I struggled as hard as I could, as the accumulated tears in my eyes began to spill down my cheeks.

"Let-me-go!" I managed to say with a broken voice, between fear and anger. "No no no! NO!" 

The loud scream that comes from my throat pierces my head and I feel disoriented for a moment. I shuffle between the sheets, feeling sweat trickle down my forehead. 

My heart beats so agitated that I feel it ringing in my ears, making me feel dizzy and nauseous. Although perhaps the memory of that nightmare, is more attributed to that feeling. 

I sit on the bed and touch my hair in frustration, silently thanking that Mrs. Mariel arrived at that moment, foster home leader, announcing that my brother Evan had come to visit. 

Thankfully at that time they did not achieve their goal, although they did try several more times. I shudder with disgust just thinking about it.

My uncles had also died and my brother still did not have the resources to support me, so I was on that damn site while looking to improve my situation.

I hated them all.

Evan didn't know anything about how much I suffered there and I didn't dare tell him about it. He didn't want to fill him with more worries than he already had.

I was embarrassed, upset and frustrated that I had to go through it alone, but there was nothing I could do and neither could Evan, he had come of age and I was already a thirteen-year-old teenager. It was impossible for someone to adopt me and I knew how difficult it was for my brother to earn his daily bread. 

My only hope was to count the days until I got out of there, getting rid of all that s**t quickly was what kept me really sane. 

I didn't even remember the faces of my parents; I had them in photos, but I was too young to remember the fateful day or have any memories of them. Although I always had a certain fear of traveling by car in the winter time, I suppose that my subconscious did manage to remember clearly what had happened.

I feel the tears accumulate in my eyes and I snort annoyed, grateful to be away from home and that Evan didn't have to witness my nightmares, that had reappeared when I saw Jasmine again. 

All that shitty life and my past were linked in a certain way, one that I didn't want to remember and that frankly, I was ashamed of. I didn't even want to imagine what Evan would say if he found out about the bad steps I had taken that I was desperately trying to hide. 

But I couldn't do it, as much as I wanted to. The horrible memories of the burning building, the desperate screams for wanting to get out of that real hell, so many people involved, others innocents…

I close my eyes and a sob comes out of my mouth without being able to avoid it. 

"My fault".

It had been my fault and that many nights did not let me sleep. I could not find the calm that I was supposed to feel, as they had assured; the least I felt was peace, I didn't want things to turn out that way.

"Peter…?" Jasmine's voice takes me out of my tormented thoughts. "Are you ok? What was that all about?"

"It was nothing, leave me alone." I manage to say in a more or less firm voice, wiping my face quickly. "Go to sleep now."

I was sure she had heard my screams. 

There is silence for a few seconds and then I hear her whisper "Okay," as she drags her steps back to her bed.

There were only a few hours left and soon I would be in the port of the Balearic Islands, to meet with the i***t Miles to according to him: settle accounts. 

I had come just for the fact of not involving Evan in all that, but I had clarified to Jasmine that I was not willing to do another of his "little jobs" for messing with one of his girls. The servile Peter was long dead.

When Jasmine found out about my "meeting" with her former best friend Roxanne, she had just pursed her lips annoyed and then she had looked at me with concern, one that made my nerves on edge.

When I asked her why, she had told me that all this was not going to please Miles. 

I didn't understand very well about hierarchies in the gang world, but I knew that Jasmine was an essential piece for Miles, so this Roxanne thing must have been a vile excuse to make me go again. 

Again, I'd had to lie to Evan about a cruise job and this one; Although he had looked at me strangely, in the end he had wished me luck, claiming that he hoped to see me soon, since by December I would have the end of the year cruise.

“Luck” was what I really needed, though not for the reasons he thought. 

Although this time I would see that i***t Miles, to tell him to his damn face to leave me alone for once. 

I couldn't go back to sleep and was in the cabin like a caged bird, trying not to go crazy from the memories that kept coming back to my mind over and over again. 

After a while we were warned that the ship would disembark, so without wanting anything and feeling my body totally tense; I grab my things and head to the exit door, meeting up with i***t Carlson, who must have just gotten up.  

He stifles a yawn and smiles at me casually, as if we were on a normal work day and not about to see to the most important drug traffickers in all of North America. Sometimes I don't understand how he can act that way, as if it was just an "extra" job he had to do. 

The pay was really good, but everything I had done, all the lies I carried behind my back and the ruined and lost lives of so many people ... It was not something to admire or to be proud of. 

Despite the circumstances of my life, I had been taught with good moral values, that whole world seemed most detestable, dark and mean. 

We go down to the dock and get into a car, next to two of the damned bodyguards and I get in the back, next to Carlson and Jasmine. 

I try to pace my breathing when recognizing the streets and avenues of the picturesque city Palma de Mallorca, my hands are shaking and I feel extremely nervous, wondering why they had to make me come to Spain.

"Don't be nervous, Pete." I hear Jasmine next to me, she takes my hand and lets me do it, releasing the air slowly through her mouth. "Miles just wants to talk to you."

"That's what cell phones are for," I blurt out in a bad mood, feeling acid go down my throat. "He didn't have to threaten me, much less make me come here, having to evade my reality with more f*****g lies".

She remains silent next to me and I look at her from landmark to landmark. Her face is quite pale and more haggard than normal, I also notice that she has lost a lot of weight since the last time and the bones of her clavicle are very marked, even through the shirt she is wearing.

"Are you going to keep looking at me or can you tell me what makes you so thoughtful?" Her voice makes me start, I didn't know I had been staring at her for so long. "Do I look so ugly, Pete?"

"You've lost weight." I look away, grimacing uncomfortably. "A lot, since the last time."

"These have been difficult days," she mutters, gazing straight ahead, deliberately avoiding mine. I wrap my fingers around hers and she smiles a little. "I've hardly had days of peace, Peter."

"Peace?" I question incredulously, frowning. "Are you serious? Peace is the least you will find among all this s**t, Jasmine. Even having your condition doesn't make you open your eyes to good sense."

"You know I can't quit, even if I wanted to." She lets out a huge sigh and I snort in disgust. "Anyway, I'm already lost. It would be useless to get out of this, if I have to pay the consequences in this way…"

"You could turn yourself in, say what you know, and end all this crap," I cut her off abruptly and turn to her. Her eyes have filled with tears again. You know that all this they do is not right, you know that you can face the consequences of your actions differently, not like this. There is always a better solution, Jaz."

I can barely notice that the car has stopped and the others have got out of it.

"Do you want the best for me, despite everything I did to you, Pete?" She looks at me hopefully, a spark of light is reflected in his green eyes. "You know that I love you, I would do anything for you and…"

"No, I don't want you to do it for me." I shake my head disapprovingly and she nods, a little ruefully. "Jasmine, I know it's difficult, but…"

"You don't understand, it won't only hurt me, but your friends, all your relatives," she speaks in a tremulous voice, refusing to look at me. 

My breathing has become erratic and I feel a slight lump in my throat. Jasmine lets out a sigh and a sad smile forms on her face. The lump in my throat intensifies.

"Maybe he kills me with his bare hands if I dare to betray him, who knows" she says in the middle of a sigh. I wince because I know it's completely doable. "But we'll talk about this, Peter. Now…"

"Miles wonders why you take so long," the i***t Roger's voice interrupts us and his damn face peeks out, looking at me sarcastically. I take out my middle finger and his gesture darkens. "Move now, «dearest chef», the boss is waiting for you."

"Shut up, Roger." Jasmine gives him a stern look and the filthy rat lowers his face. "Tell Miles we're coming, he knows I can't walk very fast."

"Yes, Miss Clark," the big man gives me a grim look and walks out of sight again. I frown and turn to Jasmine, who is looking at me with a livelier smile.

"Nothing's going to happen, you can always refuse, Peter."

I frown at the connotation of her words and we got out of the car. Out of courtesy I extend my arm to help her down, being rewarded with a huge smile that I can't reciprocate.

We walked through the door leading into the living room of the huge mansion, suddenly making out all of Miles's paraphernalia with his stupid gorillas and servants all around him. Carlson smiles at me from his position and I only manage to repeat my finger gesture. 

"Wel, well! But what do we have here!" My stomach clenches and I'm about to return dinner, hearing the shrill voice and unpleasant of that damn insane. "Peter Roberts himself, the famous chef!"

I clench my fists at my sides and remain without saying a word. Everyone around them laughs like they've been told a good joke. I purse my lips in disdain, wondering if they'll start clapping like retarded seals at every word that comes out of their filthy mouth.

What the hell do you want?" I say in a harsh voice, holding back the urge to jump on him. Miles smiles broadly, undeterred. "Talk at the f*****g time, before I lose my patience."

"You're going to wait what you have to wait, Peter." He tilts his head and clasps his fingers together, squinting apprehensively. "I told you that you would pay me…"

"I owe you nothing, you f*****g bastard," I interrupt sullenly, Miles raises both eyebrows, looking somewhat disgruntled. "I care a s**t if you accuse me of having slept with half your harem, it won't happen again and it wasn't entirely my fault anyway."

"Ohh, don't worry about that, Peter." He smiles feline, causing an unpleasant feeling in my stomach. "The rest of those involved and quite guilty, it should be added; they already have what they deserve. Is it what you wanted to know?"

I cast a sidelong glance at Jasmine and she ducks her head, looking pained again. What the f**k? Had she done absolutely nothing? 

I gasp in disbelief, imagining all kinds of lurid scenarios for that woman and the pair of thugs in her charge. I feel sick just thinking about it, I have an overwhelming desire to run out of this place. 

"You see that I'm serious, dear Peter," his affable tone of voice cannot help but taste bad, so much gentle treatment is giving me a bad feeling. "Now, it only remains to discuss how you are going to pay me for that… little incident."

"Little incident?!" I question incredulously, taking a few steps towards him. "You f*****g bastard!" I am immediately apprehended by two of his men. "You call that a little incident?! Surely you were the one who sent Roxanne to get involved with me and now you play the ignorance! Vermin of the dev...!"

"Silence!" Miles yells, rising from his seat. His face is completely angry. "You pay me what you owe or your loved ones will, Peter! It's up to you!"

"No, Miles!" Jasmine's scandalized voice floods the place. I try in vain to debate myself, feeling her terrified gaze on me. "This wasn't the deal and you know it!

The questioned person gives her a grim look, but immediately softens it, rolling his eyes and outlining a sardonic smile. My whole body trembles with the desire to take up a weapon and end his miserable life.

 "I know he's your spoiled, Jaz, but ..." He scratches the back of his neck.

"But nothing!" She pouts and crosses her arms defiantly. "I told you Peter or his loved ones you shouldn't mess with! Tell him the deal now and let's get out of this!"

"I don't need your damn favors, Jasmine," I manage through clenched teeth, trying to get away.

"Peter, let me handle this, please," she begs with a grimace. I roll my eyes, feeling the discomfort in my stomach build.

"Don't abuse your power, Jasmine." Miles threatens roughly, she raises an eyebrow and her expression hardens. "You can be my sister, but …"

"And the most faithful of your henchmen, it should be added," her face has not lost an iota of its hardness; looking oddly sicker, though ruthless and cruel. "You know that you should not abuse yours either, I asked you not to hurt Peter or his relatives, you cannot break your promise."

"Okay, okay." He rolls his eyes, raising his arms to the sky. "Sisters! You're lucky that I love you, because if not…"

"Don't get corny and finish saying what you want from me." I chime in wearily, earning another angry look from Miles. "Hurry now, I have things to do."

"The matter is simple, Pete," the guy speaks again with a gentle and affable tone, as if nothing happened. I distrust immediately, frowning. "I offer you the best deal of your life, you just have to be objective and think ahead; a better one, of course."

"What horns are you talking about?" My frown deepens.

"I want you to come back, but this time as my partner." He smiles haughtily and my face breaks at the absurdity of his words. I recompose my gesture with an enormous effort. "You will have a part of the absolute capital and ... you can be head of the sector that you want, eh? What do you say?" He nods over and over again and the desire to break his face is latent. 

"I think you're f*****g insane, you damn bastard," I blurt out, earning a laugh from him. "Are you in your right mind? Partner of yours! You are definitely in a madhouse…"

"The deal is serious, Peter." Jasmine walks over to me, looking hopeful again. "You could ... have everything you wanted, you wouldn't have to pay anything else, or live apprehensive that something happens to you; you would have power, you would be untouchable …"

"At what cost, damn it?!" I retch with fear and disgust, but I try to control myself above all that situation that seems to me like a f*****g circus. She tenses instead. "Is this serious, Jasmine? To be as monster and trash as you? Like your f*****g brother? It has to be a f*****g joke!"

"Has a moralistic spirit invaded you, Peter?" Miles scoffs cheekily. Right now I want to hit him until my arms don't give anymore. "I don't forget your face of satisfaction when you were successful in your assignments! Or the look charged with power when you knew you were avenged on those damned ones!"

"I don't want this anymore, damn it!" I growl desperately, feeling my body totally tense. I don't want to remember those sensations, my hands are shaking." Why do you think I got out of all this s**t? If you do not have a conscience, it is your damn problem, I do not go in, ok?" 

"Easy, Peter," the bastard Miles drawled, his tone of voice playful, "as your protector said: you can refuse, nobody forces you."

"Why the hell did you do it, damn?" I turn to Jasmine, who gasps in disbelief at my rough tone of voice. "You know I don't want any of this s**t in whatever hierarchy! Why the f**k? Why?!"

"Because I...!" She hesitates with tears in her eyes. "Because I wanted to hold you close for the last days of my life, damn it!" Her voice breaks and I feel that the anger that surrounds me is also directed towards her. "Peter, you must understand…"

"Apparently the one who doesn't understand here is you, Jasmine." Little by little I manage to control the shaking of my hands. She looks at me dejectedly, but I can't feel anything but anger; frustration. "I don't want anything from this life and I don't want you either."

"Peter…"

"I don't understand what you see in this squat." Miles clicks his tongue in annoyance, looking at me now with hatred. "But it's obvious that he's not interested. If it were up to me, I'd make him pay for every damn tear shed from your precious eyes."

"For not loving her?" I spit out the words angrily, letting myself be carried away by the moment. "Is it now an obligation to be with someone, or should I just accept it for being the sister of a drug lord?!"

"Be careful with your words, Peter," Miles hisses through his teeth, his hands gripping the belt of his pants. "Maybe you should consider the deal, you might need it one day, just in case…"

"Mi...Miles…"

"Jaz ..." The damned man stops, looking worriedly where she is. "You're good? W- what do you have?" 

Jasmine has taken her stomach with both hands and her face has turned pale like that of a dead person. She coughs repeatedly and suddenly gags, vomiting a yellow liquid that spreads all over the floor. 

"Quick, Carl! The doctor!" Miles's husky, imperious voice is lost in the commotion of the people around me. He looks at me as if he wanted to take me by the neck and break me in two; however, he shakes his head and slowly approaches me.

"Damn," I mutter under my breath, wanting to be armed right now.

"You should try to understand your place, Peter. It won't do you any good to be brave, you know?" His voice seems to exude pure poison.

I just stand there, trying not to jump on top of it, it would only backfire on me.

"I'm serious about the deal, and I repeat: you may need it one day. You will not always have someone to defend you" His gaze goes to where Jasmine is, being helped by his henchmen and the doctor. "Now go, you will be escorted to the airport, but ... we will be in touch."

He smirks and then disappears into the bustle a few feet from me, leaving me static and apprehensive in my place. 

Barely aware of what is going on around me, my feet wobble to the exit, as I am escorted by two of Miles's servant gorillas.

His words haunt my head and I feel a powerful anguish that transforms into a bitter rock, going down to my stomach.

Was it a warning? A threat? I wasn't sure, but what I was sure of was that Jasmine's days were numbered and that it only meant something to me: more complications.